House sellin' - or not.

No one has looked at the house yet. This is disheartening. I think today might be the day, though. See, I left some underwear out on my chest of drawers, so I'm guessing that should be all that's needed in order for strangers to decide to walk through my house.

Shake, rattle and roll

I hope you all had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend! I certainly did. And it was capped off yesterday evening by some homemade ice cream!

No, I haven't bought an ice cream maker yet, but it turns out that one of my friends has one of those soccer-ball ice cream makers, so we gave it a whirl! (Get it - a whirl? It's a ball - so you shake it and roll it around? I got a million of 'em.)

Turns out the ball is not actually designed to be kicked around the yard. It's plastic with an inner core where the ice cream fixins go, so if you kicked it, you'd break the ball - maybe not on the first kick, but before you could actually get your delicious ingredients frozen, so what would be the point of that, eh?

We filled the inner core of the ball with cream, crushed up Oreo cookies and...other stuff (I wasn't paying attention), and then we filled the space around the core with ice cubes and rock salt, and then we commenced ta shakin'.

We shook it like a conga, but that got kinda heavy, so then we mostly sat on the floor and rolled it around to each other. After 10 minutes, we checked and it was still pretty soupy. We had to pour out the melted ice and salt and refill it. More shaking and rolling for 10 minutes. We checked again and it was still a little too liquidy, but you could see that it was icing up along the sides of the inner core. So we scraped the sides, refilled the ice and salt, and gave it one more session of shaking and rolling.

It was tasty, but it was just barely enough. We had 4 adults and a child, and it was fine for us because we were pretty full from a great spread of smoked brisket, fresh corn on the cob, potato rolls and grilled asparagus, but I can see where you'd normally want more output. My friend says they've come out with a larger sized ball, so if there's more than 2 or 3 of you usually eating the ice cream, and you want the soccer ball ice cream experience, you'd probably want the larger size.

So it was cool to make the ice cream, and it sure did taste good! I'm definitely going to get an ice cream maker. Anyone else who wants to continue my research into the subject should feel free to invite me over for more field research. Thanks V&D for the fantabulous Memorial Day feast!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for...

Ice cream!

Temperatures are in the 90s already here in fabulous Austin, Texas, so J and I have already enjoyed several stops recently at Baskin Robbins. Yes, Austin readers, I know that BR is a big coporate national chain, and I'm *supposed* to eat nothing but local favorite Amy's, but here's the thing...I'm not really that crazy about Amy's. There. I said it. I like Baskin Robbins ice cream better AND they've been sending me coupons. It's a win-win. Now try to catch your breath and read on.

I *love* Blue Bell, the Texas ice cream made in Brenham and, to my mind, unsurpassed in creamy deliciousness. They have many, many fantastic flavors and you can get it in 1/2 gallon or pint sizes, depending on how many people are going to be dipping their spoons into your stash. I do find some fine flavors at Ben & Jerry's (another big chain), though they tend to get a little complicated for me. I don't really need 16 flavors in one scoop - just give me one or two really, really good ones and I'll be thrilled. I have also found an outstanding Haagen-Dazs flavor (pineapple-coconut) that I would pay exhorbitant amounts of cash money for.

But I'm thinkin' I might like to kick it up a notch this year. I'm thinking I might like to buy an ice cream maker and make my very own ice cream this summer. I know - crazy!! But it's been done.

When I was a kid, my parents had an ice cream maker and we used to make our own, and it was great! We used to invite people over, and we'd make it as kind of a social event. We'd pick our flavor and take our turns cranking and all hang out while it firmed up into something delicious and just a little softer than the mass-produced stuff at the store. And then, when it was finally ready, we all sat back and enjoyed the fruits (and cream) of our labor! I loved it.

I had this on the brain recently when I logged onto my friend Lauren's amazing food blog, tastytype, and lo and behold, she had just made homemade peach ice cream! Now, just reading Lauren's blog makes me want to quit my job and just cook all the time, but this was just too much. How can *I* make such ice cream??, I thought. Why, with an ice cream maker of course! And people, it gets better.

J and I went to a local shop to buy my nephew a birthday present, and there, right in the middle of the store were these soccer-ball looking things. They were ice cream makers! Supposedly, you put all the fixins in the ball and then kick it around and after 15 minutes or so, you've got ice cream. That's it, man - I gots to get me an ice cream maker!

Now, I'm not buying the soccer ball one. If I'm buying one, I'm buying a decent one, not something you put your feet on and roll around in the grass and then eat out of. But be prepared, friends, because I'm buyin' one, and we're gonna have some ice cream socials this summer! Oh. Yeah.

Suzanne: Bird Hero

I saved a life this morning. Just another day in the life of Suzanne: Bird Hero. No, seriously - I did save a bird this morning.

I was getting ready to walk out the door for work, and I saw that my cat was looking out the window into the backyard and making her "ack-ack" bird sound. As I always do when she makes the "ack-ack" bird sound, I went over to see what bird she had spotted and to chat with her about it. The "ack-ack" sound cracks me up, and we bond during these conversations. Cats and people like it when you're interested in their world. But I digress.

I peered out into the backyard and couldn't see the bird she had spotted. Then all of a sudden I saw it - a flapping behind my potting bench, but up near the top of the bench. There's no step or outcropping of any kind, and the flapping wasn't constant, so I wondered how the bird was maintaining that position - not flying up or down, just hanging in one spot and flapping occasionally. I even wondered if it might be two birds fighting. Whatever it was, it needed investigation.

So, I accepted the fact that I was probably making myself late for work and headed out to investigate. Thank God I did. It was a solitary bird trapped in my fence. His little foot had become wedged in between two of the fence slats, and he couldn't get free. Well, this would not stand. There was no way I was heading to work with that little boo-boo trapped and struggling.

I went and put on some gloves (partially to protect myself because he might peck at me and partially because handling a bird can send the bird into shock, so I wanted to minimize my scent). I realized that the best angle to help was from above, so I climbed on top of the potting bench, and started my rescue. I tried at first to lift the bird's leg from the gap where it was wedged - I thought maybe he was struggling in the wrong direction and he just needed someone to pull it up and out, rather than just out. I put my finger underneath the trapped leg, and the bird got very still. I pulled, but there was no movement. I could see that his little toes were trapped behind the cross-bar that ran behind the fence. Bugger.

I tried a time or two more, and each time, he'd get very still when I touched him. I was afraid the third time, though, that I might break his leg or something if I pushed too hard, so I stopped and began to try and pull the slats apart to create some space so he could pull free on his own. We both struggled for several minutes to no avail, and that's when I saw that his "knee" - the joint above the point where his leg was trapped - had been rubbed raw. You could see the bone/cartilage and it was starting to bleed. "Oh no! Baby, stop!" I pleaded as he kept flapping and struggling, and (I was sure) making it worse.

I began to think. "Okay, I'm not going to be able to accomplish anything trying to pull these slats apart with just my own strength." And I was NOT going to leave him there to injure himself further and surely die. I needed to somehow create more space - cutting the fence slat or pulling it free from the cross-bar or *something.* "What tools do I have that could do something?" So, I ran in the house and scanned the stash of garden tools that I keep by the back door.

I spotted a digger tool. That might work. It might be too thick, but I could TRY it - I could try to stick it between the two slats and wedge them apart. If that didn't work, I'd go back and look again for something else to try. I ran back to the potting bench. The poor bird was panting - exhausted, scared and hurt. His foot had slipped down a little bit - still caught but not trapped against the cross-bar anymore. This was good.

I stuck the digger in between the slats and pushed. The gap expanded, the bird flapped, then he flapped again and...FREEDOM! His leg came free and he flew up and then away into the trees on the ranch behind my house. I watched him as far as I could see him, thinking..."Wait! I need to put some Neosporin on your wound and bandage it!"

Hopefully, he won't get an infection and his leg will heal and all will be well. He was beautiful. Black with red and yellow markings under his wings. I will watch for him as the summer goes by. I was late for work, of course, but it was well worth it. Saving a creature in need trumps 30 minutes of email any day of the week.

Calling Dr. House

I feel like I should be in an episode of House. While getting ready for bed last night, I looked in the mirror to wash my face, and I saw...something. I lifted my chin, and there, smack in the middle of the soft-tissue area under my jaw was a perfectly round little bruise. Wha?

I touched it, expecting a little jolt of soreness - nothing. I thought back on the day. Had I rested my chin on a pencil eraser? Had I pinched that spot somehow? Had something bitten me?

I couldn't think of a thing. It was just this perfectly round little bruise in a completely inexplicable place. Blow it off, right? But I couldn't. I kept thinking about it, trying to figure it out. And anyone who knows me knows that that never leads any place good.

I mean, what is a bruise really? It's a hemmorhage. So, if you can't remember injuring yourself in any way, and I think I'd remember if I hurt myself under my chin, what could cause a hemmorhage? What kind of disease could that be a symptom of (see what I mean - never leads any place good)? Should I start Googling and see what I can find out? Do I want to know? What do I say to the specialist I'm forced to visit in a few months when my entire immune system is compromised and I have to explain that I saw the tell-tale perfectly round bruise under my chin, but I ignored it? How stupid do I look then?

Or...you know...now, obsessing about a random bruise?

Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.

Been a busy few days, because after a couple of years of pondering, and a couple of months of actively considering, and a couple of weeks (actually more) of finding out numbers and getting other folks involved, I have...put my house on the market! Aaaaa!!

Yes, I know this is a crappy time to sell. But it's a great time to buy, and I'm possibly in a position to make a good move - something that has real potential to grow for me and improve my location. So, despite the fact that I love my little house in the country, I'm going to allow perfect strangers to traipse through it when I'm not there and judge everything I've done and tell me why they don't want to pay what I'm asking. And hopefully, when I tell them they're insane, they'll want my fabulous little house enough to say, "Okay, then" and just pay me what I want for it. We shall see.

If I don't get any offers that I'm comfortable with, I'll just take it back off the market and revisit the situation next year. But I have a feeling it's all going to work out and I'll be in a new house with a whole new slew of home improvement projects by the end of the summer. Again...aaaa!

Wish me luck!

Pisces

So here's my horoscope for today:

"Your selfless side needs to get in better balance with your more self-oriented side. Have you been helping too many people for too long and neglecting your own needs? The biggest problem with giving all the time is that pretty soon you have nothing left! Putting other people first is getting less and less realistic -- you have got to start conserving your energy for your own needs. Start saying 'no' a little bit more often. It gets easier and easier each time you do it."

So, I'm sorry, but the answer to whatever you needed from me today is "no." Unless of course I actually wanted to do whatever it was, and then it'll be "yes," but only because today it's all about me and my needs. (And yes, I swear I didn't write this one myself.)

Got my refund!

Or my tax stimulus check or whatever you want to call it. Since it came from the government, which means it came from me to begin with, I should probably just say, "Got my money back!"

In any case, I shall indeed stimulate the economy by spending it. I will be using my check to buy football tickets - woohoo!!

The check will not actually cover the full cost of my 2008 UT football tickets, but I have some stock earnings that I'm also putting toward this worthy cause, so it's all taken care of. Even the fantabulous Florida Atlantic tickets - should be a game for the ages. Or another pointless scrimmage that costs WAY more than it has a right to.

On the upside, the a&m game is in Austin this year, so by being willing to pony up for Florida Atlantic "game," I'll also get tics to the a&m game. This year that game will actually be on Thanksgiving. So, after fortifying myself with turkey and all the carbs I can shove down my gullet, I'll have to pleasure of sitting in my very own season tickets spot for the annual spectacle. I figure I'll burn off most of my turkey dinner calories climbing up to my seats and screaming for my team. Can't beat that.

Oh, how I do loves the foosball - here it is May and I'm already posting about it for this season. Ees a beautiful thing, no?

My head hurts.

I'm ready for the searing blast furnace of summer if it means that all pollinating or mold-like life will be cooked within an inch of existence, no longer able to bother me by causing an allergic reaction.

Some sort of mold is in the air according to the allergy report, and I've had a headache all day, and I've been swallowing gook. I've tried Tylenol, but it didn't do anything. And it's not just pain - it's a heaviness. My head feels heavy, like all I want to do is lay it down on a pillow. And I can feel my congestion - like the airways in my nose have shrunken into small slits. I don't even know how I'm working right now. And of course I have no decongestant or allergy medication with me.

So, I'm officially miserable with no way to relieve it. And when I look out my window, I see rain, which I would guess will only make things worse. Oh, to the summer days of blinding heat where nothing can live.

Suzanne needs...

Thanks to Judy for giving me a blog post and an entertaining way to waste time. She said that if you google "[Your name] needs" you'll find out the most interesting things. Here is what Google says I need:

Suzanne needs to get dressed. (Am I naked again without realizing it?)

Suzanne needs you healthy. (So she doesn't have do any of your work.)

Suzanne needs a home. (Well, I *have* a home, but I want one closer to downtown.)

Suzanne needs hundreds of dollars worth of dental work. (Well, that's just not true!)

Suzanne needs your support. (That means money. I need money. So, I can buy a house closer to downtown. I accept PayPal.)

Suzanne needs an Honorable Discharge and intense therapy just to survive. (Well, that's just not...okay, maybe it is.)

Suzanne needs to know about the group. (I really do - in the comments section of my blog. How ARE all of you?)

The Web = petri dish of hate.

Wow. I logged into Yahoo this morning and saw a story about 100-calorie snack ideas. "Cool!" I thought. I clicked to the story, which was actually a blog, and I read it. Some of the ideas sounded better than others, but I liked the idea of the blog - low-calorie food ideas.

But then I made the mistake of reading the comments that appeared after the article. It reminded me of one of the things I hate about the Internet. It's such an open forum for hate. Some people were nice, but there were a lot of comments first dissing the article and the idea of non-organic, processed foods, and then it just digressed from there into personal attacks - on people who eat the non-organic, processed foods, on people who have children, on people who have weight problems. It was just hate, hate, hate - vitriol and ugliness.

Several years ago, I joined a message board for a soap opera I watched at the time. I thought it would be fun to talk with other fans about the show. I was wrong. I found the same thing there - hateful, angry people who use the anonymity of the Internet to vomit hostility onto strangers. I left that message board and never joined another one, and I felt the same reaction today. I don't ever even want to go back to that blog, because even though I could just ignore the comments section, I'd know that just below the last line of the article would be all that ugliness, and I just don't even want to be in the vicinity of that kind of negative energy.

There are enough angry, petty, negative people that I can't avoid during the day that I don't need to go looking for any in cyberspace. I just thank God, I guess, that I don't have to live with any of those angry little trolls that spend their days attacking people online. Makes me want to go to a maternity ward somewhere and just surround myself with innocence and people who are happy and filled with love.

Sun, where art thou?

Thoughts on a dreary day:

1. It's dreary outside. This is the second day in a row of dreary. Dreary makes me sleepy. Plus, I've cut out all caffeine the last couple of days in order to help with my stomach issues, so that just adds to the sleepy. We should have siesta in the U.S.

2. The muscle in the thumb on my right hand keeps spasming, pulling my thumb forward. It's weird. But I don't stop it when it starts spasming. I just watch it. Because it's so weird.

3. I discovered Horizon organic yogurt this week. Man, that stuff is good!

4. I saw a news report yesterday that said your keyboard has more germs on it than a toilet seat. I just wiped mine off with an anti-bacterial wipe. I feel better.

5. What shows do you DVR? I record Monk, House, The Soup, Most Haunted, and Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Actually, Jonathan DVRs Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and then he never watches them. There are ALOT of airings of L&O:CI. But I digress. I think I'll add Bones to the list. And when Psych and Burn Notice start back up, I'll have to make sure I get those, too.

And you? What's on your mind this overcast Tuesday?

Is it wave ESP?

So, I had a great weekend at the coast - a fair amount of sun and surf and plenty of relaxation and good times!

I had the day off on Friday, so my man and I headed to Galveston for a long weekend to enjoy some early season beach time. The Gulf hasn't quite warmed up to its usual bathwater temps, but we were able to get in for a bit on Saturday and enjoy some bodysurfing. There were even surfers out on Friday and Saturday, so don't let anyone tell you there's no surfing on the Texas coast!

Interestingly, though, there were no surfers on Sunday. This isn't interesting in terms of the waves - J told me that the waves weren't good enough on Sunday to surf, so I understand why they weren't surfing. What I don't understand is how the surfers *knew* that the waves were no good that morning. It's not like we saw a parade of people driving down with surfboards strapped to the roof, taking a look at the conditions and then driving away. And there's no local news station in Galveston to give a surf report, so how do they know???

It figures.

So, I've been suffering for weeks with...how shall I put this?...a mild, but persistent case of gastrointestinal distress.

I thought maybe it was stress-related, since that's generally how my body reacts to stress - that and with titanium-crushing teeth grinding in my sleep, which is why I'm forced to wear a $500 piece of molded plastic in my mouth when I sleep...it's awesome. But I digress.

I took the usual over-the-counter meds, and it worked temporarily. But it came back. This time it seemed to coincide with my period. Maybe that's it, I thought. Again, my period frequently results in such distress - must be all the muscles spasming with great effort to shove parts of my body out of other parts of my body. It's great to be a woman.

But again - my period went away, and the distress didn't. What the hell? I wondered if I might be feeling more stress than I realized. Hmmmm. Maybe. Then I thought maybe I wasn't eating well - I tried to be more careful with that. No impact. Maybe it's a combination, I thought.

Finally, this week, I decided that it had gone on too long and with no real answer as to why. I'm not feeling stressed right now (or at least no more than usual - than before all this started), and it's not my Lady Time, and I haven't suddenly switched to a diet of curried jalapenos, so ... What. The. Hell? So, I did what I do in these situations. I started researching.

For anyone who doesn't know me really well, that's what I do. I'm a writer, yes, but not just humor or creative stuff. I worked for many years as a journalist - magazine feature stories, and that meant research. I did it for a living, and it became kind of a way of life. At home, my laptop is right next to the couch, and almost a day doesn't go by when I don't hop on and look something up - and that's just at home. At work, I'm on my computer all day long, and frequently, I'm researching something. So, I started researching my "problem."

And I think we have an answer. It seems that one of the possible side effects of Splenda is that it can have a...laxative...effect. Guess who has been consuming Splenda like it comes from the fountain of youth? Seriously - I've been drinking it all day long.

I sweetened my morning coffee with it, then a few weeks ago (note the timeframe), I bought some Splenda-sweetened creamer to put in that coffee. I then drank Splenda Diet Coke in the afternoon, and I topped it off with Splenda-sweetened Propel Fitness Water at home. If I could've found Splenda-infused frozen dinners for lunch and Splenda bread, I probably would've shoved that down my pie hole everyday, too. I've been poisoning my system with sucralose!!

So, as of today, I'm officially backing WAY off on the Splenda. I'm pretty sure I don't have to cut it out completely and never touch it again. My tummy troubles just began a few weeks ago when I think I pushed the limits of the dam with the creamer. But still - I should really pull way back. No one needs to be putting that much of an unnatural substance in their body.

I'd really like to maintain my current weight, so I don't want to toss all sugar substitutes out completely, and I don't want to be stuck with nothing but water for the rest of my life, but I clearly need to mix things up a little. I'll start drinking more water, but when I want something sweet, I'll maybe have some tea with Sweet and Low or a regular Diet Coke - yes that means saccharin and aspartame, but small doses of a mix of stuff rather than massively inundating my body with one particular substance has got to be preferable. And if I drink more water, then I'm putting less unnatural stuff in my body in general. I'll also try to do a better job with exercising regularly so if I do consume more calories, I burn them off.

So, there we are. If you didn't already know, ingest Splenda (and I'd venture to say all sugar substitutes) in moderation. As Monk would say, you'll thank me later.

Change is good.

Ya ever have something that's really not in the right place, and you're constantly knocking it over, tripping over it, etc. And yet you don't move it? You just keep putting it back in the same place?

And then one day, you notice that the item would fit really nicely in this other spot, maybe just inches from the previous one, where you won't have to keep picking it up or cursing from the bruises it keeps inflicting? So, you make this simple little adjustment in placement and then you wonder why it took you a year to notice that you could make that simple little change?

Well, did ya?

Free is always tasty

I probably shouldn't tell you this, since spreading the word will just mean longer lines for me when I go, but today is free cone day at Ben & Jerry's!

I haven't decided if I'll try to get my free cone at lunch or after work, but a free cone will be had. Have you ever had their strawberry ice cream? It's like strawberry heaven in a sugar cone.

I'm tired.

Wow. So, I've really been outta pocket. But in my defense, I was working. Really long days. Mostly on my feet. I'm still pretty tired. So, I just haven't had any blog time. But I'm back! Kinda.

As I said, I'm still pretty tired and not thinking too creatively, but I do have the following thoughts in light of my life the past week:

- At what point do tequila shots outgrow their appeal? For me, it was many, many years ago. Yet I saw grown adults, far older than me, make a big production out of them this weekend. And it was just...sad.

- Why do people think a work-related convention is the same thing as a vacation? I'm not talking about those of us working it. I mean the people attending. People, when you attend a convention with your WORK PEERS, at least attempt to present a professional front. You do or want to do business with the other people attending, right? So, maybe attending a party in clothes you'd wear to a beach party, or worse yet, your boyfriend's kitchen the morning after a big night out, isn't *exactly* appropriate. If I have to sit across from someone in a meeting, I'd prefer not to picture where all their hidden tattoos are.

- Sleep is a beautiful thing.

- Slacker co-workers should be forbidden from speaking in follow-up meetings where you talk about how everything went. If you didn't participate in planning it, and you didn't do any actual work during it, you don't get a critical voice after the fact.

- Sleep is a wonderous and beautful thing.

- That's it for now. I'm tired.

In my email...

Lilian says I should "Buy now, you won't regret!"

Aside from the run-on sentence, which is way wrong, could the sentiment be correct? Is it true that if I buy now, I won't regret? And does that mean that if I buy now, I won't regret ANYTHING? Or I just won't regret my purchase?

And what does "now" mean? Does that mean right now - like by the time I publish the post, it will already be too late? Or does she just mean that this is a time in my life when I should buy - like I should spend freely in my late 30s and early 40s, and all the regrets of a lifetime lived to the fullest, with all the mistakes and bad judgement that entails, will be wiped away?

I think these are clarifications I'm going to need in order to decide if I should, in fact, buy now.

I'm sure someone will be offended.

So, winning Super Bowl quarterback Eli Manning got married this weekend. That's nice. He married his college sweetheart. That's awesome. So much nicer than him getting famous, dumping the girl who has been with him as he rose to fame and hooking up with whatever supermodel or actress crosses his path on a given week.

But. Apparently, they had a wedding registry. Really, guys? A registry? You honestly thought it was cool to ask people to buy you stuff?

Let's visit the concept of the registry for a sec. The original intent of wedding gifts was to help a young couple setup house. Presumably, they were coming from either their parents' homes or spartan bachelor/bachelorette pads, and the young lovers would need things to set up a real house - dishes, a toaster, towels. The idea was that they were starting with nothing and didn't have the money to buy their own stuff. So, family and friends would help get them started.

Does Eli Manning really not have the resources to get started in his married life? Does he seriously need to hit up family and friends to buy his dishes for him?

I gotta tell ya. I think it's lame when grown-up people with grown-up bank accounts ask wedding guests to buy them presents. And if they're two grownups with their own houses that they'll be merging, presumably meaning they're going to be throwing away redundant stuff, and what they're really doing is asking you to buy them better stuff to replace the stuff they'll be throwing away...well...come on.

In this era when a lot of people are getting married later in life, after they're established and successful, and when people are frequently on second and third marriages, wouldn't it be a lot cooler to not ask for gifts? Buy your own stuff. After a certain age, it shouldn't be about how much loot you can get. It should be about people you love celebrating with you that you've found someone to share your life with - a life that's already filled with plenty of "stuff."

And if you just can't stand the idea that people don't pony up something to attend the celebration of your commitment, then how about you set up a few accounts that people can donate to good causes through? Not just one, mind you, but a few different ones so people can choose what cause they'd like to support. It'd kind of be like paying forward the good fortune you're celebrating. Your significant other has made your life better and in honor/celebration of that, you'd like to make someone else's life a little better - share the wealth.

I'm sure I'm pissing off someone who married later in life and had a registry, but it's just an idea.

I'm like the Matrix.

You never know how fast you can move until a full-size bat comes flying right at your face.

We had another flying mammal visitor in our office this afternoon, and this time he did more than just hang in the hallway. He actually flew around our office. And he was huge.

I'm part cat, so my curiosity made it impossible for me to just shut my office door and let things play out. I had to go look. And when I did, Mr. Bat divebombed me. Twice. I doubt it was intentional. If I had to guess, he was as freaked out as we were and just wanted out.

But I gotta tell you, you have no idea how flexible and fast you are until a bat is taking aim at you. They're quick. And wiley. This one came zooming out of one office (the one NEXT to the office where there's a door leading outside) right at me, and I hit the floor. Not forward, like I'm sliding into a base, but backwards, like Neo in the Matrix. Except Neo didn't actually hit the ground - he just leaned way back and held. I didn't hold.

But I have the admiration of my co-workers for both my gymnastic-like quality hitting the deck and the fact that I could get up afterward. I don't think I pulled any muscles, but my wrists are kind of sore.

I think the best part of the whole experience, though, was the way our one co-worker (the one who eventually caught the bat when he finally tuckered out and landed on an inbox, panting) kept saying to us all, "Just relax!" Ummm...no.

Ah, mothers.

My mom cracks me up. I noticed I had a missed call today on my cell phone. My mom. No message.

So, I call her back, and she says that she'd had some missed calls on her cell phone, and they didn't leave a message, and she was wondering if it was me (she said something about not having caller ID, which I know she has on that phone, so I don't know what she was talking about with that, but I'll take her word for it that she couldn't tell who had called). Nope, not me.

She then proceeds to complain about this person not leaving a message. It was all I could do to not say, "You mean like you didn't leave one when you called me?"

Changed my mind

Okay, Judy - I changed my post, so no need to comment about the fact that I changed my post. I hit "publish" then realized I wanted to link to a story in the post, couldn't find the story, then lost steam and decided to just post about something else. Something less inflammatory.

So, here is my new post. Yesterday, I stopped at one of my favorite coffee shops to do a little writing on my laptop. I ordered my coffee, and the barista (actually, the manager of the shop - someone new with too much enthusiasm) asked for my name to put it on my cup so they could bring it to me.

My name is not that complicated. Suzanne. Not Susan. Not Suanne. Not Betty. But for some reason, people have trouble with it, so if someone gets close, I respond. After the manager had someone else make my coffee, the someone else brought it to me. She said something that resembled my name, and I took my drink, only to realize with one look that it wasn't mine. It belonged to the girl next to me, who almost panicked when she realized I'd gotten her drink.

Calm. Down.

I handed it to the neighbor, who hastily grabbed it without a thank-you and turned her attention back to some notebook she was writing in. My drink came out shortly afterward, still with the wrong name attached, and I couldn't help but wonder if this whole process was really necessary. Does the barista need my name, and does everyone in the coffee shop need to know it when they call it out, trying to find the right customer for each cup of java? Wouldn't it be better to just have a pickup station, like Starbucks, and instead of calling out my name, call out the name of the drink you just made? If it's not my drink, I don't make the mistake of testing it to find that out, and everyone in the shop doesn't have to know my name, and I don't have to flag you down as you wander the shop looking for a home for the drink you made.

I guess it's some marketing thing - trying to give it the personal touch and make me think you know me and want a personal relationship with me so I'll always come to your shop and consider myself a "regular." Well, this isn't Cheers and I'm not Norm. I just want my coffee and my privacy. And you're not going to get my name right anyway, so all you really do is annoy me. Let's go back to our old, anti-social relationship, coffee shop. I order. I pay. You make it. You hand it to me. And that's it. We know nothing about one another and like it that way.

Hey, I've been very busy.

Good lord, I'm dropping the ball! It's been a week since my last post. I've been getting ready for a big work conference, and I've been neglecting the blog. I know - I need to get my priorities straight!

Let's see. What is there to report since the last blog? Well, I haven't attempted any baking, except for some tostadas, and I wasn't completely thrilled with the outcome on those - the cheese didn't melt the way I like. That might have been a cheese issue rather than an oven issue, though. Not sure.

Watched some movies. Downloaded some music. Sang. Danced. Took photos. Rode a bike. Worked. Shopped. Killed varmints and insects who THOUGHT they wanted to live in my house (Homey don't play dat). Didn't wear makeup yesterday. Drank less caffeine and suffered no ill effects, meaning...I don't have to drink less caffeine!! Took a nap (not at work). Bought some new stock.

All in all, an eventful week. And yet, here I am, a week older, and I feel no different.

Nobody wants baked "crappys" - they want baked "goods"

I don't know what's going on, but I've contracted some sort of disease that's fatal to baking efforts. By this I mean that I've suddenly become unable to bake. By this I mean that everytime I bake something lately, it goes horribly wrong. And I'm following the recipe on stuff I've made successfully before!

How does that happen?

I mean, I've made this stuff before - in the kitchen I currently use, with my current oven, etc. Yet, a batch of my favorite cookies, instead of baking into perfect little rounds of lemony citrus heaven melted all over the cookie sheet, burning on the edges and just barely cooking in the center. It was embarrassing, but I figured I'd just tried to make them too big or something. An anomaly! A one-time screw-up! But I was wrong.

This weeked, I tried to make a cake. Again, this is a cake I've made before. It's simple - just your basic vanilla cake. Nothing fancy or complicated. I followed the recipe, and when I looked at the batter, it was all soupy. Hmmmm. That ain't right. I double-checked the portions listed in the cookbook. I double-checked the utensils I'd used ("I did put in a CUP of that, right?"). All was as indicated. Okay. Well. Maybe it's...supposed to be...soupy.

It wasn't. What came out of the oven looked okay on the surface, but when you cut into it, it was a dense, vanilla cake-brick. With lemon icing. Because I iced it before cutting into it to make sure it was okay. It all went down the garbage disposal when even my starving-artist musician boyfriend said he couldn't eat it. I'm pretty sure hobos would've turned up their noses.

So, I ask you: what the hell? Someone asked me if the temperature could be screwed up on my oven, but if I'm cooking something like a main dish, it works just fine. It's just baking - cookies and cakes.

Do you think it's voodoo? And if so, who is doing it and why? If it's you, I'm sorry for whatever I did to offend you - really I am. The fact that I don't know what I did is in no way an indication that I'm not sorry for it. So will you please give me back my crazy pastry chef skillz?

Reviews

Got a couple of reviews to hand out for things I've tried or watched this week.

First is a movie review. I watched "Marie Antoinette" last night. Yeah, I know - I'm on the front line, watching only the latest releases. Let's just accept I don't watch everything first-run at the theater and move on to my review, kay?

This movie was released in 2006 with Kirsten Dunst, Jason Schwartzman and some other recognizable names. I wanted to like it. I liked the cast and I like the Marie Antoinette story. She reminds me of Princess Di - an innocent lamb led to the slaughter of a sophisticated royal system she didn't really understand and didn't navigate that well, ending in an untimely death. Obviously there are differences, but certainly there are similarities.

Anyway, I wanted to like it. I tried to like it. But sheeeeeeeeesh. They really drug the hell out of a lot of scenes. They spent 2-3 times longer than needed on just about every point, showing you that she was vulnerable, showing you she liked the gardens - HOW much time did we spend watching her climb stairs??? The one really hot scene, with her having a tryst with her Swedish soldier lover - that lasted about 2 seconds. But let's spend endless minutes showing people at a picnic engaged in banal chatter. Yeah, let's take the audience through that - repeatedly.

So, I gotta say, I can't really recommend it. It only lasted 2 hours but felt much longer. And that's usually not what you're after in a movie.

The second thing I have to review is pizza. Someone brought our office some free pizza today. It was from Gatti's, and it was some new flavor called Kicken Chicken. They should've called it Bacon Kicken Chicken's Ass, because all you could really taste was the bacon that was also on there. Oh, and onions - it had a lot of red onions. It had a lot of flavor, and I liked it at first, but it was really salty, and after two pretty small pieces, I had to eat some cherry yogurt to get the taste of something sweet. The salty and savory of the pizza was pretty overpowering.

I didn't hate it, but I wouldn't order it. Maybe if it were on their buffet, I'd get a small slice. Of course, if I'm ordering pizza, I'm not ordering Gatti's anyway. If I'm ordering it's Papa John's or Domino's. Papa John's is definitely my first choice for pizza, but Domino's is also good AND has the super-spectacular Cinnastix, so order either of those and you're a champ.

Maybe I should stay in town more

I've been on the road a lot lately, and when you spend a lot of time driving, you become aware of things...like how often you make trips to the wee-wee room.

I should've already been aware of this considering how often I have to get up in the night, but I can do that only half-conscious. When you're driving, you've got to be awake and aware. And sometimes, on certain stretches of highway, the thing you're most aware of is how long it is between rest stops.

It's a safety issue, really. There are few things more distracting than a full bladder pressing on your entire lower body. I tried to pump gas not too long ago while in the throes of desperate need-to-peeage, and I made a mess of the whole process. Some toothless women working at the convenience store where I'd stopped had to come out and tell me how to operate the pump. Because I was stupid with agony.

So, it was satisfaction that while running errands at lunch today, I realized how completely comfortable it is to tool around in your car when you don't have to go to the bathroom. I actually took a moment to be present with calm sensation of the absence of urge.

And then I thought perhaps I've been spending too much time on the highways and byways when I'm actually aware of the fact that I'm operating my car and don't have to pee.

Oooo - a Photobucket meme

Judy has tipped me off again to a meme. This one involves Photobucket, so I had to play!

THE RULES:

You need 2 internet windows open to do it (not a problem - I usually have like 6 open at any given moment):
1. Go to www. photobucket.com
2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box
3. Use only the first page
4. Copy the html and paste for the answer. (Or in my case, I uploaded the picture to the blog.)


THE QUESTIONS:

1. What is your first name? (the one I use, anyway...)



2. What is your favorite candy?



3. What is your relationship status?



4. What is your favorite color?



5. Who is your celebrity crush?



(Hey, go easy on me - I just saw "Sixteen Candles" on TV this past weekend...)

6. What is your favorite band? (This week it's...)



7. What is your favorite movie?



8. What is your favorite past time?



9. What is your job?



10. What do you do for fun?



11. What kind of car do you drive?



12. What is your favorite TV show?



(When is it coming back???)

13. One word to describe yourself:



Your turn!!

Yo, yo, yo.

I'm feelin' street today. Step off! Don't be a hater. And don't be gettin' all up in my chili with yo cracker 'tude. This ain't no thang but a chicken wang. Fo shizzle.

Word.

I do love flowers.

I'm coming to you today from beautiful East Texas! I realize that last time I went to East Texas, I wasn't so impressed, but I'm in the Piney Woods area today, in Nacogdoches, and I must say, it's lovely. I'm sure the springtime weather and flowers don't hurt, but it also helps that this is a college town, so unlike the last town I was in, the town doesn't show any signs of running down. College students kind of force a town to keep up.

That's not to say it's a town courting the youth vote. When I got here yesterday, I discovered that it's azalea time here in Nacogdoches. I know what you're thinking. "It's spring. It's azalea time everywhere!" (I'm like a mind reader, aren't I?) But it's a different thing here in Nacogdoches. I can't tell you what dates exactly constitute the azalea season, but I can tell you that we're clearly in it. When I checked into my hotel, I was the only one in the lobby under the age of 60, and that's sayin' something because the lobby was crowded. A full roster of oldsters had been bussed in to come look at the azaleas. There's a 20-mile trail of them. I hope they provide Rascals, because otherwise, most of the people I saw in the lobby aren't going to finish that trail.

Me? I'll be missing it altogether. I'm working inside all day today, and then I've got to make the 4-hour drive back to Austin. So, no azaleas for me. But should you want to see a lovely display of them, I know right where to send you.

Pot o' melted bliss

Fondue rocks. The restaurant I went to last night was The Melting Pot (as Judy guessed!). It was my first time at a fondue restaurant of any kind, and I will definitely go back!

I went with a bunch of my co-workers for the restaurant's "Ladies' Night" package. It included a cheese course, a main course and a dessert course for $23. Not cheap, but very good. And instead of the main course, you can get a salad and that drops the price to $18. They also have a full bar and wine list. Here's how it works.

We had 8 adults and 2 kids (actually there were 7 adults and 3 kids, but one of the kids was 10 and ate what the adults ate, so she counts as an adult). So, we selected 4 fondue pots for each course. In that scenario, you can choose 4 different flavors for each pot, or all the same, or any combination therein.

For the cheese course, you have about 6-8 flavors to choose from. We did a traditional Swiss, a Caribbean, a cheddar and a spinach and artichoke. For dipping into the cheese pots, we were given bread (several different flavors cubed), veggies and apples. You could fill up on that alone, but we had 2 courses to go!

For the main course, you choose from 4 different cooking "styles" - essentially they're marinades or broths that boil at your table in the fondue pots, and you put items in the pots and cook them. You're also given 5 sauces to dip the cooked food in. We choose 2 different "styles" - a coq a vin and another herbed kind. And the items we were given to cook were beef, chicken, shrimp, raviolis, broccoli, squash and potatoes. The potatoes took way too long to cook, and we all pretty much gave up and just ate them crunchy (i.e. undercooked), which was lame. But everything else cooked really well and tasted great - especially with the sauces!

After that was the dessert course. There were 6-8 choices for dessert fondue - all chocolate based. We chose a chocolate with peanut butter; a turtle one, which had chocolate, caramel and pecans; a cookies and cream one; and a s'mores one. And to dip in the sauces, we were given plates with strawberries, pound cake, rice krispy treats, marshmallows covered in orea or graham cracker crumbs, graham crackers, and possibly a few other sweets I'm forgetting.

It was all very good, and it was a fun atmosphere - something I highly recommend for a celebration. But do plan to make an evening of it. It took us 3 hours to run through all 3 courses - an hour or more than I'd anticipated, and that was more time that I'd generally want to spend on a weeknight. But as a Friday or Saturday thing with a group, it's a great way to spend a fun evening. Not only do you all decide as a group what fondues to order, but if you get all different one, everyone is forced to get up and mingle to get to the various pots, so it makes for a very interactive atmosphere.

We had a great waiter who was very patient with us trying to figure out what we were doing. Thanks Austin (that's his name - I'm not thanking the city)! I'll be back with an even rowdier crowd in the future. :)

The bunny didn' leave me no malted milk eggs.

I hope everyone had a happy Easter! Mine was quiet, but involved sunny weather, UT winning it's NCAA tournament game and homemade rolls, so you know it was all good.

My bracket has been looking really good, though I've taken some hits with the Duke and Connecticut losses. In the contest I play in, I had the top spot going into yesterday's games. I'll have to see after the moderator updates everything how yesterday's games affected my standing. Hopefully I'm still rockin' the free world in the #1 spot! There's no money involved in the one I play - just glory. But glory is a glorious thing, I always say.

Not too much else to talk about this fine Monday. I'm going to a fondue restaurant tonight, so I'll give you a review tomorrow, but my hopes are high. Melted cheese and chocolate. Hard to go wrong.

Denied

So, I didn't get to watch any games online yesterday. The NCAA page was convinced that I needed to run Explorer and upgrade my Windows Media Player in order to watch. Just one problem: I *was* running Explorer, and I upgraded to the newest Windows Media Player - two generations ahead of what they said I needed.

I never could get it to work, so I gave up and just watched the scoreboards. I kicked-eth ass. I only had one loss yesterday by the time I went to bed at 10:00 p.m., and I think my last three teams were ahead at that point, all going into their second halves. I did lose the play-in game, so if that counts, I've had 2 losses so far. But that's pretty damn good!

Unfortunately, I left my bracket at home today - it's sitting on my coffee table. So, I'm not sure who all I need to root for today. I may remember some of my picks, but I definitely won't remember them all. It's not as much fun when you don't know who to root for!

The madness! The madness!

It's hoops time bay-bee!!! I got my bracket in two days ago. I got my NCAA On-Demand account all set up and ready to give live feed on my computer...you know, while I work diligently and don't let it interfere in any way with my job duties. I got my Longhorns picked to bring it on home to San Antonio.

In other words, I'm ready! Bring on March Madness!!

Oh, the glory of "things"

I got a new toy! I have achieved a dream of several years now. As a TV junkie and hipster, it has pained me no end to go without a TiVo lo these many years. But those days are over!

DVR is in the hoooooouse!

I got a flyer from Dish Network that they had a new DVR package. The package would allow me to have the same programming I have now, plus DVR service, for less than I'm currently paying. Well, duh!

I called to make sure it wasn't all too good to be true, and it tweren't. So, I did an upgrade on my satellite box, which only cost me $25, $10 of which I can get back if I send them my old box, and I signed up for the new service. I'm obligated to 2 years, and as of next January, they can (and probably will) jack up the price from the package price I'm going to be getting from now until then, but I doubt they'll jack it up too dramatically (Dish has been really good about that since I've had them, and that's 5 years now), so I feel comfortable with locking myself in that long. I don't generally like to obligate myself to more than a year on service of any kind, but I don't change stuff like that too often, so I'm not too concerned.

Anyway! The new box arrived Monday, so all the wires and plugs were wired and plugged into their proper spots that night, and last night I carefully read through the manual to see how to actually use the thing. I played around a bit, getting familiar with my new remote (I think we all know the horror of a new remote), and last night I did some test taping to my new DVR. When I get home tonight, I'll see if it worked!

I'm so excited! I will now have hours and hours of TV that I can't possibly all watch! NIRVANA!!

A little OCD.

I think I have just a touch of OCD. Just a touch!

Some people have to lock the door three times before they can leave the house, or they have to turn the water on and off four times to be sure it's off. With me, it's the garage door. I may have blogged about this before (I'm too lazy to look it up), but I frequently drive off down the street after backing out of my garage and can't remember if I've closed the garage door. Invariably, I have to turn around and go back and check. Invariably, it's closed.

I had one of those moments this morning. Bad timing really, because for some reason I don't know, the traffic has suddenly gotten horrendous getting out of my neighborhood in the morning, and delaying myself even by a couple of minutes to soothe my compulsive mind that the garage door IS closed - as it always is - throws a real monkey wrench into my commute.

But I had to do it. I had to go back. I had to be sure. I just couldn't drive off to work, unsure whether my garage door was standing open. So, I went back. It was closed.

I can't be the only one with this affliction. Surely, there's *something* that each of you out there is OCD about! What is it?? What are you obsessive-compulsive about???

Spring is coming

What an insanely beautiful day here in fabulous Austin, Texas. It's supposed to hit 80 today. It's March 14, people! I'm sure this means we're in for some kind of blistering summer, but hey, it's a gorgeous day and I won't complain.

We've had a really mild winter. In fact, on my way to Galveston on Wednesday, I saw the first roadside bluebonnet photo shoot of the season. A mother had pulled over along the highway just east of La Grange and had her kids out in the first bluebonnet blooms I've seen this year taking photos. Usually, the blooming season doesn't really kick in until April, and then you have to ramp up your "alert driver" sensor, because anywhere there's a patch of grass along the roadside, there's a chance someone may have pulled over to take pictures.

That's a tradition here for you non-Texans who don't know. All Texan children MUST have a picture in a field of bluebonnets taken at least once before their 18th birthday. You can take one every year if you like, and you can take as many as you like once you're past 18, but any parent who allows their child to reach adulthood without immortalizing their childhood against a backdrop of bluebonnets has to hand in their Texan card. I think it's a law. Someone should look it up.

A meme.

This carries the risk of bringing back bad memories, but I'm taking on a meme from Judy's blog about 9th grade. Let's see what I can remember!

Who was your best friend? Laurie.

Who did you go out with? Tim

Did you have a crush on anyone? Well, there was Tim. But I also always liked John W. He was dreammmmy.

Did you buy your lunch? Sometimes...most of the time? I honestly don't remember if I brought my lunch in 9th grade!

Did you skip? No, although I did skip a pep rally once! Our pep rallies were first thing in the morning, so you could blow it off, be late and still make all your classes.

Did you get suspended/expelled? No.

What was your favorite class? Hmmm...I didn't take Choir my freshman year, so I honestly don't remember a particularly enjoyable class in 9th grade.

What was your mascot? The Rams!

Did you go to the dances? I don't think we had dances. So, if we did, I guess that's a no!

If you could go back would you? Not for Bill Gates' money.

Where did you sit at lunch? No particular spot that I remember, though usually the South cafeteria (We had two - North and South. It was a huge school.).

Who was your science teacher? Don't begin to remember.

Who was your English teacher? You'd think I'd remember this one, but I got nothin'.

Who was your history teacher? I'm sure I must had history in 9th grade...

Who was your math teacher? Crime in Italy, did I even GO to my classes???

Did you think you were cool? Of course - my boyfriend was a Junior.

Describe your outfits in ninth grade? Jeans and OP t-shirts.

Who was your favorite teacher? See the above problem regarding remembering teachers.

What was your most memorable moment? I remember Laurie and I dancing in the stadium bleachers one time while our boyfriends were playing a JV football game. For some reason, we thought we were invisible. We were mortified later to find out both teams had been watching us the whole time.

What were your least favorite memories? Being alive and 15. And having the only fight of my entire life...with the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. I know - I beat up the wrong person.

What was your best accomplishment? Not getting suspended over the aforementioned fight.

What action do you regret the most? Tim.

What did you spend the most time doing on weekends? Hanging out with Laurie! I seem to remember there being a lot of mall time.

Did you make any lifelong friendships? Not that year.

Travelin'

Wow, yesterday's post was long! Now I remember why I always just forward those things on email...

Traveling for work today. I get to go to Galveston, one of my favorite places. I won't get to spend much time enjoying it, because I'll be working as soon as I get there and into the evening, then I head back to Austin in the morning. But I'll go to sleep to the sound of waves on the beach and wake up to a view of the sun coming up over the ocean, so it's ALL GOOD!

I'll make sure I have breakfast at the Denny's on the Seawall so I can watch the ocean while I have breakfast. Gotta love Denny's - hashbrowns, baby, hashbrowns.

I'll have to go back down soon when I can play in the water and hang out on the Strand.

I'm Spongebob Squarepants! Awesome!

A friend of mine sent this to me on email, and I liked it, so rather than forwarding it, I'm going to post it here. What cartoon character are you???

Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well-known and modern cartoon characters. The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results. And don't cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are done!

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?

a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)


2. What is your favorite type of music?

a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts.)
e) Pop (3 pts.)


3. What type of movies do you prefer?

a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)


4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?

a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)


5. What do you do with your spare time?

a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read (4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)


6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?

a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)


7. What do you prefer to eat?

a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)


8. What is your favorite holiday?

a) Halloween (1 pt.)
b) Christmas (3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)


9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?

a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain (5 pts)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
d) Hawaii (4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)


10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?

a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)


Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield:

You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.


(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:

You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disapp eared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times


(24-28 points) You are Elmo:

You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.


(29-35 points) You are SpongeBob SquarePants:

You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.


(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:

You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion confuse you with reality.


(44-50 points) You are Dexter:

You are smart and definitely a thi nker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

He's a Pisces - like me

It's Chuck Norris' birthday. As Chuck is The Man, I know you'll want to send him a birthday greeting, so you should arm yourself with as much information as you can to make sure your greeting stands out. I'm sure he'll be inundated with well wishes, and you wouldn't want to get lost in the shuffle.

So, be sure to visit the Chuck Norris Fact Generator and then come up with your own unique way of wishing this true blue American bad-ass a happy birthday! (But duck after you've offered up the best you've got - if Chuck doesn't like it, he may take your ass out with a round-house to the face.)

Menace on the highway

If you happen to be in Austin at about 5:00 today, you'll probably want to avoid driving. I'm going for my annual eye exam this afternoon, during which they *insist* on dilating my eyes, and then I have to drive myself home - or actually to my parents' house, which is even further and will involve a major highway.

I hate getting my eyes dilated. I wish they wouldn't do it. But it seems to be some non-negotiable thing with this optometrist (or opthamologist or laser-surgery shill or whatever his title is), because they do it EVERY time. I don't remember previous eye doctors doing it every time. In fact, until this doctor, it was rare that I had it done.

I've thought about changing eye doctors, because I'm not always sure they need to do all the stuff they do, but I've been with these people for several years, and it's nice if you have really crappy eyesight and are on "watch" for glaucoma when they have an actual health history for your eyes. They can see over time how things are progressing, etc. So, I stay.

But I just thought I'd put the word out. It's sunny today, and I'll be half-blind (at least up close), so if the entire city would like to just hold off on driving this fine Friday afternoon until around 5:30, that'd be greeeeat. And if you're a traffic cop reading this, I drive a crappy, white four-door sedan, have bushy hair and make a sour face whenever I spot new model Tiburons. Pull me over.

Got me thinking

Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. Apparently, this is the one of the most deadly forms of cancer. I didn't know that until I read the stories about him yesterday. Depending on which news report you read, he's either not having a very optimistic reaction to treatment and has only weeks to live or he's responding well and the doctors are hopeful.

I've had an interesting reaction to the news. I never was all that into Patrick Swayze. I had nothing against him - I even like him for the fact that through all his fame and years in Hollywood, he's still with the woman he married before he was famous, and you never heard of any scandals or anything with him. He seems like a nice and decent guy. I like that. And I admire his dancing. But he never stirred anything in me on that chemical level, and I never thought he was that great of an actor. He was just a nice B-list actor. There are worse things to be.

But when I heard the news about his cancer and possible impending death, instead of just blithely reading it and moving onto the next story, as I usually do with the 25 celebrity stories you get every day, I found myself really thinking about and wondering about what he's going through right now.

What tipped him off that something was wrong? What did he feel and think when he got the diagnosis? What did they tell him about his chances and what they'd have to do regarding treatment? What conversations did he and his wife, Lisa, have then and now? How is she responding? Is he scared? Is she? Is he preparing for the worst while hoping for the best? Is he leaning on her? Is she there for him the way he needs her to be? What about her - does she have someone to help her with what she's going through? Is he reflecting on his life, and if so, what does he think and feel about it? How does he feel about the whole world now knowing - is he used to it? Is it a relief? Is it an intrusion? If his time is possibly limited, what would he really like to do with that time?

He's only 55. And he has the "advantage" of knowing that he might be approaching the end (as opposed to someone like John Ritter who just dropped dead one day). How is he processing and using this knowledge? How would I?

I don't know why his particular situation touched me. But it did. Maybe because he seems like this nice, normal guy who just happened to get famous. He could be you or me. And now he's dealing with something that doesn't care if he's famous. Just like you or me. And it makes me wonder. What if it were me?

Roooooound up!

Okay, here we go.

1. Brett Favre is retiring. I happen to love Brett Favre. I think he's awesome - and not just for what he does on the field, but for the man he is in his personal life as well - and I can understand why Packer fans are disappointed. They thought they'd have him for one more year. But if he's ready to move on to the next phase of his life, then more power to him. He's earned the chance to see what's next.

He's given it his all, and he's been fantastic for the franchise, while also being a great husband, dad and philanthropist. He's lived a well-balanced life, never letting his career or fame or money be his god, making sure that he was there for his wife when she battled cancer and proving that you really can have it all - you can be success at your career and your personal life when you make the decision to be. That's a concept close to my heart these days.

You never heard scandals about him or heard him complaining that his salary wasn't big enough or he wasn't appreciated enough. He just worked hard, did the right things, kept his priorities straight and succeeded on every level. He's the true picture of success, and I think he can walk away without any regrets...on to whatever the rest of his life has in store.

2. Hillary is still in it. She won Texas and Ohio, but didn't pick up a lot of delegates. I'll be curious to see if she and Obama team up. Seems like they'd be unbeatable if they did.

3. Some beeotch at a gas station the other night asked me what year my car was. I told her 2007, to which she responded, "I prefer the older body styles on the Tiburons." I wanted to say, "It's funny that you say that, because from the look of what you're driving, I'd have thought you preferred ugly-ass old, white sedans. But you say older body-style Tiburons?" But instead, I just said, "Oh really?"

What exactly is the point of approaching a stranger for the sole purpose of telling them you don't like what they're driving, wearing, etc.?

4. Salma Hayek, who just had her first child, a baby girl, told the press that she had wanted a boy. Hey Salma, shut the fuck up. On second thought, it's too late - it's been recorded forever in the media, so your daughter can read it when she gets old enough...after she's already heard about it because some mean little kid tells her at school (because the mean little kid's mom is jealous of your gorgeous mom and repeats what you said where the mean little kid can hear it). Just go ahead and line up a therapist now. There's nothing like knowing that from Day One you're a disappointment and not really what your mother wanted. Moron.

5. Nepal's "living goddess" has retired. She's 11. I want to retire. But more importantly, can you retire from being sacred? Word is, she would've been replaced as soon as she got her period (I guess it's hard to maintain a goddess's demeanor when PMS grabs hold of you), but still...can you really just say, "I've decided I'm not a goddess anymore. It's too much trouble. Pick someone else to be holy."?

6. Looks like Lisa Marie Presley may be pregnant. Funny...I don't really care. But it's in the news, so am I supposed to? I've never really liked her. I don't dislike her, but she's always seemed unpleasant to me. She never smiles. I wouldn't think she'd be fun to be around.

What's on all of y'all's minds today?

Bat-nap

We got a bat in the hall.

No, not the kind Babe Ruth used - the kind that fly around and eat mosquitos and people freak out about. But we ain't freakin'. We're Austinites.

For anyone who doesn't live in Austin, this isn't terribly shocking for a downtown building. Central Texas is home to North America's largest colonies of Mexican freetail bats, and one of them is under the Congress Ave. bridge right here in the heart of Austin. So, occasionally, one of the furry little guys finds his way into a building.

As long as the rodent in question is not on the ground, it's usually nothing to worry about. However he got in, he'll probably get back out, and if he's hanging up high like in a Dracula movie, he's just doin' his bat thang, and he's not going to bother you. It's not like a hornets nest where it's just going to get bigger and bigger and sooner or later, someone gets attacked.

If you see one on the ground, though, it's probably sick, and they DO carry rabies, so DON'T TOUCH IT. Call animal control, and they'll come get it.

In any case, as ubiquitous as bats are in these parts, it's still a novelty to spot on napping near the ceiling in the hallway of your office building. So, all day long, we've been checking on him whenever we go down the hall to the bathroom or to a meeting. He hasn't moved. He's sleepin'.

I'd post a picture here, but I don't have a camera with me, and the quality from my camera phone would just look like a tiny blob. We're on the top floor of our building, so I'm guessing he was in the attic, and he got cold last night (temps dipped below freezing), so he found his way to warmer climes, which happened to be our hallway. I wonder if he'll be there tomorrow.

I saw Chuck Woolery.

Seriously. I'm not making that up, and it's not a euphemism. I saw Chuck Woolery yesterday at a coffee shop!

Oh, crime in Italy, you're not going to try and pretend you don't know who Chuck Woolery is, are you? FINE. This is Chuck:


Among other game shows, he hosted Wheel of Fortune before Pat Sajak got the gig, but if you're like me, what you remember him for is Love Connection. Don't even try and tell me you didn't watch Love Connection - unless you're under the age of 30, and then maybe you didn't. For you chil'ren out there, Love Connection was the precursor to Blind Date. People went on set-up dates and then came back to the studio together and reported on camera how it went. There were rarely scenes involving naked hot-tubbing and a lot of bleeping, so you young-uns might not have enjoyed it. But it was fun.

Anyway, I did a little research after spotting him, and it seems he bought a house near Austin in 2006. Who knew? I'm actually glad I didn't know. It makes the fact that I recognized him all the more impressive. Would YOU have recognized him? Even with cheesy highlighted tips in his hair? Yeah, right. Just go ahead and bow to my pop-culture savant-ness. You know you're impressed.

Born to run...back inside

You know your cat is completely domesticated when she's out in the backyard, having a nice time watching birds and chasing bugs, and she stops, comes inside, uses the litterbox, then returns to the backyard.

Murphy, honey, you can go outside.

Lord love the city.

Usually I welcome the opportunity to travel - for work, pleasure, doesn't matter. And I don't even care how far away it is. Chicago, San Antonio - just as good. I'm not in my normal routine, sitting at my desk, looking at the same cars at the same intersection out my window, so it's all good.

And usually, I'm not a city snob. I grew up in a major city, Houston, and I've lived in a moderately sized city the rest of my life, Austin, except for 5 months that I spent in a college town in the Midwest, so it's true that I've spent pretty much my entire life living in cities. But small towns have always been part of my life, and I've always enjoyed them.

My grandparents lived in a small town, and we visited them at least once a month when I was growing up, and as I said, I lived in one for a bit, and several of my friends had family in small towns that I visited with them, and my parents retired to a relatively small town, so I've spent a lot of time there, so I've spent many a day in small towns. I've always liked them. Until this past week.

I had to travel to a small town in East Texas for work this week. Along the drive, which lasted several hours, I passed through a number of small towns, each more depressing than the last. I found myself thinking, as I passed through each one, "If I had to live here, I think I'd kill myself." I thought it about each aspect of each town. "If that's where I had to eat Mexican food..." "If that's where I had to do my grocery shopping, in some rinky dink place called 'Fred's'..." I just kept imagining if each of these towns were "home" how I would feel. And I couldn't drive through fast enough.

Then I got to my destination. The person I had to meet for work was not around when I got there, then when he finally arrived, he said how he didn't know I would be there - despite several emails, me talking to him about it in person a couple of weeks ago, and a phone call earlier this week. I was speechless. How does this person run a business?

I knocked out my work in a hurry, but had to stick around for a meeting a little more than an hour later. I had no intention of hanging out with this moron for all that time, so I excused myself to go looking for a library - see if I could check my email. I stopped at a bank to get directions. They had closed at 2:00. On a Thursday. So, then I started driving around looking for the library. It wasn't that big a town - I was sure to stumble upon it.

Instead, I stumbled on a visitors center. Cool - they could tell me where the library was. If they'd been open. They had closed at 4:00. Okay. Well, they had some maps out front of their building, so I grabbed one. Library = not listed. But all the restaurants, a famous local bakery and a few other vital locations were listed. What the frig, man? This "small town mentality" was about to piss me the hell off. Was ANYONE working?? So, I started out again, just driving.

Then I found it. Sure enough, I'd stumbled upon it. The library. It was open - hurrah! Just one problem: the Internet was down. Naturally. The librarian told me there was some place at the mall, or the "mini mall" as she expressed it, that offered Internet access. So, 2 minutes after parking, I went back to my car...which a local in a piece of shit sedan had just dinged. I was so pissed, I tried to key their car slyly as I got into mine, but their car was so trashed, you couldn't even tell I'd scratched it. Would nothing go right in this town?

I went in search of the mini mall. I never found the mini mall, but I did find the famous bakery. Fine. I'll go sample pastry and drink cheap coffee. Why the hell not? Finally, it was time to go to my business meeting. It was at the town's fru-fru restaurant. The lemon for your tea was in packets on the table, as was the powdered creamer for your coffee. The meal was smothered chicken over rice, of course, and the veggies had been boiled of all color and served next to a salad of iceberg lettuce. I guess the Dairy Queen didn't have enough privacy for the important business matters that needed to be discussed. At least there I could've gotten a pineapple milkshake.

I endured the meeting until it was reasonable to leave, then got back into the car to head the several hours back home. And I got lost. I couldn't get out of the damn town!!

I had originally planned to spend the night there, and I'd been bitter about having to drive all the way back home that night, but by the time the visit was over, I was quite happy to make the drive home. To the CITY where I live. God bless it.

Granola for the rest of us

Does anyone else love Caribou Coffee granola bars?


I tried the caramel one first, and I was hooked, but now I've tried the chocolate mocha, and I think I've found a little bar of heaven.

I'm not sure how you can possibly go wrong when you're combining granola bars (health food by all accounts - don't try to disabuse me of that notion) with chocolate AND coffee! And there's even a cute animal figure thrown into the mix. I mean seriously. It's perfect.

Better days for The Murph

Well, the rehydration and antibiotics seem to be doing the trick for The Murphinator.

Last night, she was her usual social self, sitting next to me on the couch, following me around, and bumping the phone with her head while I tried to talk and purring into the receiver.

She had eaten, and her meow was back to its loud, insistent quality - who would've thought I'd be glad for that?

I haven't seen her drink any water yet, but seeing as the vet pumped her full of fluids on Monday evening, maybe she just wasn't thirsty yet. I have to say it's an odd occurrence to see your cat's back leaking water. I'm hoping that tonight, though, I'll see her hitting the water trough. The subcutaneous fluids they gave her Monday should have all been absorbed by now, and since she's eating again, she should get thirsty again.

So, I don't think I'll need to take any donations for her medical care, but thanks to all of you who so generously offered to contribute. Murphy is touched by your concern, and she says to tell you all that she now knows that you all like her - you really like her!

Poor Murphy...'s mom's bank account

My boo-boo kitty Murphy is illin'.

As of last Thursday, she was still herself. She was stalking around, yelling at everyone, harassing my mom's cat (we were visiting), and being her usual, lovable, purr-monkey, snuffling self. All was well in Murphyland.

But Friday morning, when I woke up, she wasn't on the bed with me and didn't come up to me in bed for lovin'. Something was amiss. She was hiding somewhere, and she never even came out for any conversation while I got ready for work. Hmmm. But I didn't have time to deal with it just then - I had to get to work. So I did.

That night, she was still anti-social. Not a good sign. Maybe allergies? She'd spent most of Thursday on my mom's porch. And she does have sinus issues.

Saturday I brought her home. Maybe getting back to her normal environment would help. By now, she was downright lethargic, unsocial, and her meow had become kind of puny. This is not my Murphy.

Sunday morning - same story. I began to notice she wasn't eating or drinking either, and she literally spent the whole day lying on the bed in the guest room. Time for action. I called the vet that afternoon, and they didn't have any more appointments unless I needed to bring her in on an emergency basis. Well, I'd felt her nose and there didn't appear to be fever, and I'd felt her all over and couldn't find any wounds or tender spots, so I made the call to wait until Monday. Emergency tips to the vet are pretty freakin' pricey, and with such non-specific symptoms, I wasn't hopeful they'd know what was wrong.

Good thing I waited. I took her in yesterday, and after almost 2 hours and $250 worth of exams, tests, prescriptions and giving her fluids to rehydrate her (when you don't eat or drink for 2 days, you get dehydrated), I walked out without a clear diagnosis and a vet who would've done full-on exploratory surgery if I'd let him. Imagine the price if I'd brought her in on an emergency basis! He wants to re-run her blood test in a few days. Uh, yeah, not likely unless she's worse instead of better or holding steady. I'm not ATM, pal.

I told Aggressive Vet that for now, we'd treat her as if it's an infection (one of the possibilities he came up with based on her white blood cell count...and nothing else) and see what happens. It could be a virus. Or it could be who the hell knows what. But we rehydrated her, gave her an antibiotic shot, and now I'm giving her antibiotics at home.

I seriously hope this works because I don't really want to pour more money into a mystery illness. She does seem a little bit better this morning - a bit more vigor in her meow, and at least a little bit of interest in eating. But antibiotics tend to have a negative effect on her digestive tract, so we'll see what I come home to. Wish me luck. I'd prefer not to have to cash out my IRA if this doesn't get resolved!

Lesson for the day: be female.

The following story appeared in USA Today today (is that redundant?):

Man dies during cupcake-eating contest

A British man choked to death Friday during a cupcake-eating contest at a pub in Wales.

BBC News says Adam Deeley, 34, was competing with his friends to see who could eat more of the "fairy cakes" that were left over from a party at the Monkey Cafe and Bar in Swansea.

"It is thought Mr Deeley had around five of the cakes lodged in his throat," the South Wales Evening Post says. "Colleagues trained in first aid and an off-duty lifeguard rushed to help him. Paramedics arrived moments later. But they couldn't open his airway."

The coroner plans an inquest, but police don't suspect foul play, The Guardian reports. "It was a tragic accident and very sad and should serve as a cautionary tale," the nightclub's owners say in a statement to BBC News.

I'd like to think that I'd recognize I'm choking long before the fifth cupcake became wedged. I'm guessing when the FIRST cupcake became lodged in my windpipe, I'd probably pause. "Hmmmm. I can't breathe. Maybe I shouldn't shove *more* cake down my throat."

And then there's the question of why even the paramedics couldn't open this guy's airway. What the hell were these "fairy cakes" made of? Surgical glue and slime - it sticks to everything but you can't get a grip on it? Did anyone try the Heimlich?

The police say it should serve as a "cautionary tale." Right - like, "Don't be an idiot." You'll notice that when you read these stories, it's never a woman who has died in some pub trying to cram more cake in her face than everyone else and not stopping when she's ceased being able to breathe.

Cuba = the size of New Jersey

Fidel Castro, 81, has resigned as "president" of Cuba. His brother, Raul, 76, will take over. An ABC reporter this morning, reporting the story, said that this peaceful turnover of power from one communist to another would foil the hopes of those wanting a new kind of government "for a long time."

Really? For a long time? Raul is 76. How long do you expect the man to last up there atop the utopian kingdom?

What you tell a reporter is usually reported.

A possible hate crime is being investigated in the college town where my parents live - down the road from Austin. A Muslim professor's house was broken into and nothing was stolen but the house was trashed and "epithets" were scribbled on the walls.

I saw a news report about it last night and again this morning, and the reporter interviewed neighbors who were "shocked." I guess they were "shocked senseless" because this one guy announced how the street where they live (where the hate crime happened) is so quiet that he often leaves his doors unlocked and he never sees police around.

Hey, genius - did you ever think that the kind of people who break into other people's houses, usually to steal all their stuff, not to just write stuff on the walls, just *love* when you tell them exactly which streets have unlocked houses and no cops around? Moron. Maybe you should just announce on television where your spare key is hidden and your alarm code while you're at it.

In my email...

According to an email in my bulk folder, I sent myself an email with the following subject line: "SAVE Up to 15 % ... Top Replicas".

I don't HAVE any replicas of tops! What can this mean????

I stand corrected.

The Pats didn't pound. I must say I'm surprised. I really thought the Patriots would just dominate last night, and not only did they not dominate, they didn't even win. Eli Manning was very impressive, and Tom Brady just didn't seem on his game. I don't know what to tell ya.

Luckily, I don't really care that much. I was rooting for the Pats. A perfect season would've been cool - history and all that. But I like the Manning boys, and it's also pretty historic to have one brother win last year and the other win this year. The only downside is that I don't like New York, so it's unfortunate that we have to all listen to New Yorkers gloat. Blech.

But congratulations to Eli Manning!

In my email...

John Cordova assures me, "She will always want it now." Really, John? ALWAYS? Because that's a pretty bold promise. Oh, wait - you're talking about a gift of money and chocolate, aren't you? You're right. She will always want it. In fact, HE will always want it, too. Everyone would want that. So, you're not really telling us anything we didn't already know, are you, John? Good grief, man, stop wasting our time.

Got some old Crocs you're ready to let go of? Well, you can toss your old Crocs and help a good cause all at the same time. The maker of the ubiquitous plastic shoes has started a new iniative called SolesUnited. They figured out how to recycle the material the shoes are made of, and they're encouraging people to donate their old worn-out pairs so the company can recycle them and manufacture them into new pairs for needy people around the world. Pretty cool, huh?

I don't see a downside here at all. I believe in giving to good causes, recycling, wearing shoes, and taking advantage of opportunities to do good things with minimal effort and cash outlay. This fits all that. You don't really have to do anything except toss your old Crocs into a bin at a shoe store instead of the trash, and you get to be part of charity and recycling at no cost. And someone in the world gets a pair of shoes, maybe for the first time. Nice. It's painless charity, people.

Me? I don't have any Crocs. I have a knock-off Wal-Mart pair. I'm guessing those aren't made of the same material as real Crocs. Mine are probably made of asbestos that gives off formaldahyde everytime I take a step. They're from Wal-Mart, after all. But all of you who ponied up for the real ones, you can do a good thing.