VICTORY!!!

Oh, the taste of sweet victory! It seems that Officer Friendly of the "I'll ticket you because wadda ya gonna do about it?" company had better things to do on the Thursday before Christmas than show up at traffic court, so that means Suzanne is freeeeee!

Okay, I wasn't actually in danger of being jailed, but I'm freeeeee of paying the fine and having the ticket on my record, so woo and hoo.

Shout out to Jonathan for accompanying me to the halls of justice. The whole affair took only half an hour, but it would have been a much longer half-hour without ya baby!

I actually thought at first that I might be screwed. The prosecutors came in, called out two names and told those guys right off that their cases had been dismissed. I figured that meant that the rest of us were going to have to dance. After a little roll call to see who had shown up, there were only 3 of us left who were there and ready to tango. The judge called a little recess for the prosecutors to see which cops and witnesses had shown up.

They called one guy out into the hall to talk to the arresting officer for his case. This kid was some kind of athlete from out of town who had gotten into trouble when he came to Austin for a game of whatever he plays. They pleaded down to something lesser and that guy was done. That left two of us.

The judge called the other guy up to the bench and told him his case had been dismissed. I saw hope!! Sure enough, he then called me to the bench and gave me my dismissal. Free at last! Free at last!

So, what have we learned from all this? Slow down - don't speed? Uh...right. Do you even know me? I believe the lesson here is: fight your ticket. Especially if you can get your court date close to a holiday.

Jingle bells and Batman don't smell

Finally did something last night that felt like Christmas. I haven't been into the season at all this year - I've only half-decorated; I've already blogged about the marginal satisfaction of shopping this year; I've done NO baking; I haven't seen any Christmas shows - it just feels like the whole season is slipping away.

But last night, after a fabulous dinner with My Girls at Fino, we went down to 37th Street and looked at the lights. We went to Starbucks, and I got a peppermint hot chocolate, and we walked the length of the street, oooing and ahhing and even singing some Christmas carols. It was really nice. :) First time all season that I've really felt like it was the season.

Of course, that's all gone this morning. Crazy day at work, temps in the upper 70s today, and tons of non-Christmas stuff to do today (including going to court on that b.s. speeding ticket tonight - power to the people!), but at least for a moment, it was Christmas.

She's a mysterious soul

In my email, Mercedes Masters wants to know, "Does it satisfy her?" I don't know, Mercedes. I haven't really talked to her about it, and if I did, I'm not sure she'd tell me. She's a people-pleaser, so she's likely to tell me it's wonderful and all she could ask for when in reality, she's left feeling wanting. I'd like to think it satisfies her. She's a nice person, and I want her to be happy. But there's just no way of knowing if she won't be open about her feelings.

Temps in fabulous Austin, Texas to hit 70-73 today (depending on which forecast you watch). I see all these stories about blizzard conditions up north, and I gotta say, it's good to live in Texas. Oh wait - no, it's not. It's awful to live here, so if you live somewhere else, you should stay there. Don't move here. You wouldn't like it.

Sharky is filthy and deserves better, so I'll have to consider going through a car wash. It's a little chilly to wash it myself (by the time I get home, the temps will no doubt be dropping back into the 60s, and that's a little cold to be getting wet washing a car), but I also don't feel like spending a bunch of money on a Genie-level car wash, so I may just run it through a gas station set-up for a few bucks just to knock the dirt off. It's much too soon to be neglecting Sharky this way.

Hope you're all having a fabulous pre-Christmas week!

One step closer

Christmas is almost here - as in, like, a week away. Or not even "like" a week away. It's an actual week away!

I sent out Christmas cards last week. That was step one. Then Saturday, I finished (or, you know, did all at once) my Christmas shopping. Step two. Then after the shopping, I decorated my house. That was step three. Though I must confess, I only decorated the inside. If I'm going to the trouble of putting up outside lights, which I usually do, they need to be up at least 3 weeks before Christmas. That's too much work for only a week or two's enjoyment. And I take them down right after New Year's. Since I was too far beyond the 3-week limit this year, it's inside-only decorating this year. But the inside looks very festive!

I didn't mind cranking out all my shopping in one day, but I must say that I've discovered a certain element of my shopping that's less fun than it used to be. There are not a huge number of people on my list, but the people who are there are, in many cases, hard to buy for. Either they buy themselves whatever they want when they want it, leaving you with no idea what to buy them that they don't already have, or they're likely to get what I buy them from more than one source. So, I found myself attaching the gift receipt to a record number of presents this year before I wrapped them.

That was kind of a damper on the joy of giving - this *expectation* that the recipient would probably return it. The fun of giving a gift is trying to think what someone wants and then the awesome feeling when they open it and you can tell they're genuinely excited - you nailed it. When you can't even make it out of the store without thinking, "Well, I guess they can take it back," it sort of leaves you with the feeling, "Why am I doing this?"

But it's done, so I can move on to the part of the season where I go to holiday dinners and parties (that's already started actually...) and then see my family. In other words, the good stuff. Just a few more days of work, and I'm off until January 2! Woo-hoo!

Had to do a second post,

because this is freakin' hilarious.

Now that's a headline. And don't leave me any comments telling me how it's wrong and makes light of domestic violence or any of that crap. It's damn funny, and you know you laughed when you read it. We all know Ike was a f-ing pig and a loser, but Miss Tina had the last laugh, so don't worry yourself about it.

Beat her to death (snicker) - good stuff.

Now, if you'd said 98%...

For a while there, my email was constantly littered with offers to buy replica watches. At another point, it was frequent notifications that my mortgage application had been approved. At still another, pharmaceutical snake charmers tried to entice me with Viagra.

Lately, the constant barrage is for a FU(K buddy. They ask if me if I want one. They promise me they'll get me one. They even make claims of success. They say that 65% of their clients find a fu(k buddy. 65%? Is that a good percentage?

I mean, if you're making an offer online, the presumption is you either are a willing participant or you have a willing participant waiting by the phone to get the call. And if you're a willing participant, trolling the Internet for a copulatory pal, you can't be particularly selective. So, even if you rightly assume that your likely new screw friend probably isn't very attractive (because if they were, they probably wouldn't need to send spam asking strangers to help them out), that's clearly not a problem, right?

So, if you've got two willing parties, neither selective, both very clear in their intention, taking action to close the deal, shouldn't the percentage be way higher than 65%?

I just don't think that's much to brag about. If a UT football coach only won 65% of his games, he probably wouldn't be around long. So, I have to assume that something is amiss in the business model here. And if I'm already suffering from the kind of self-loathing that propels me to answer spam emails offering fu(k buddies, I have to also assume that the rejection of being one of the 35% that *doesn't* get laid by the willing and unselective person on the other side of the offer could possibly send me right over the edge.

So, like the Viagra, mortgage and replica watch offers, I'm gonna turn this one down. Oh sure, I may kick myself one day for what I missed out on. But you've got to trust your gut.

But I don't have a sister...

I came across an old movie last night that I've never seen. There are lots of old movies I've never seen before, so that's not surprising, but the fact that I actually put it on and watched it kind of was.

See, I love old movies, and I run across them all the time on my satellite channels, but I always find myself "saving" them for when I can watch them on the big screen at the Paramount Theater's classic film festival in the summer. Thing is, the last few years, the Paramount is showing fewer and fewer of the really old movies and more movies from the 70s and 80s that they've deemed "classic." It's kind of disappointing.

So, last night, when I saw this movie come on, and it was only about 75 minutes long, I figured what the hell. It probably wouldn't show up at the film festival anyway. So, I watched it.

It starred Barbara Stanwyck and was from 1931. It was called "Night Nurse." And no, it wasn't dirty - get your mind out of the gutter. It was about a nurse who is caring for two children who are wasting away. Turns out there's a murder plot to starve the children so that the mother and her gangster boyfriend can get control of the children's trust fund, and the nurse (Stanwyck) saves the kids with the help of her bootlegger boyfriend. I guess in 1931, instead of hookers with hearts of gold, you had bootleggers with hearts of gold.

As frequently happens, I got the chance to see a star-before-they-were-a-star in one of the supporting roles. Clark Gable played the part of the gangster. That was pretty cool. I was actually looking down when he first came on screen, but as soon as I heard his voice, my head snapped up because I knew who it was! Distinctive voice, that Gable.

Anyway, it was a good little movie, and several parts of it brought home to me how some things never seem to change. People are people no matter what era they live in. And the more I see movies with Barbara Stanwyck in them, the more I like her. She was somethin'. I definitely need to feed my enjoyment of old movies more often by watching them when they come on my movie channels and not waiting for the Paramount to show them.

Favorite line of the movie: "In a big way, sister!" Stanwyck said it several times - I guess as a catch phrase. I like it. I think I'll start saying it.

Now, why you gotta go and make me be a beeotch?

Why do some people have to see how far they can push you?

I walk around being a nice person. I like to get along with people. I like to be nice and have people be nice to me. I like to ask for things, rather than demand them. I like to be someone you can come to if something isn't going the way it should and you can explain it to me, knowing I'm not going to bite your head off. I'm more interested in finding a solution than arguing about what's wrong. I like to work it out if there's a problem, with unraised voices and a reasonable attitude. If I'm wrong, I apologize. I like for everyone to walk away with no hard feelings, and I like to just get things done, right and on time. I like to be pleasant to work with, and I find that the less drama involved, the more efficient things are.

That's what I like.

But make no mistake. I can be a bitch with the best of them if that's how you want it. I can create new levels of tension you didn't know existed with tangible waves of hate streaming from my pores every time you're in the room...if that's how you want it. It's all up to you. And how you want it. One of my co-workers thought, just for a minute yesterday, that that's how he might want it.

He's changed his mind. That's a smart move. For everyone.

Some people just have to see if they can bully you. They just HAVE to know if you're someone they can run over. Doesn't matter how nice you are. It's not about you. It's about them. And if you let them...if the first time they try it, you don't take a f-ing lead pipe and slam it right up into their engine as they try to run you over...you'll fight it the rest of the time you're around that person. Once they know they can do it, they'll do it. Just because they can. Because some people just aren't very nice at their core.

In my case, I learned early on that this person was like that. I heard the stories. I saw the tendency. So, I prepared myself, knowing my time would come. I was as nice as I could be, right up to the moment when he pushed too far. And then I stood my ground and slammed my lead pipe up into his engine. It was unpleasant. It was unpleasant that he took things there, and it was unplesant to have to get all Alexis Carrington on his ass, to have to tap into my inner Leona Helmsley. I don't like to be angry or to have to slam my stiletto into someone's instep. But it was his choice.

I'm glad he's reconsidered his approach with me. It'll be so much nicer if we can go back to being pleasant, and amenable, and accommodating. I'd like to think we have a permanent understanding between us, but I'm going to guess he'll try it again at some point. I could be wrong. But I'll keep my pipe handy just in case.

New ride. So cool I gotta wear shades...

Well, folks, a frequent subject here at the blog has gone onto its just reward, and new era has begun. I have traded in the Cougar on a new ride. And it's sweet.

I know it's hard to imagine the silver bullet gone - take a moment to mourn.

Are you okay?

Okay, then. Meet the new car:



This is not my actual car - I don't have a photo yet of mine. But this is what it looks like. It's a 2007 Hyundai Tiburon GT Limited.

I bought it Friday, and I've already put 250 miles on it! But driving is what it's for, no? I need to spend some time with the owner's manual and see what tricks it's got up its sleeve, but I'm enjoying it immensely already.

Boyfriend educated me that "tiburon" means "shark" in Spanish, so the new car's nickname may be The Shark. We'll see if that sticks. Speaking of sticks, the new car is an automatic - first one I've owned in about 10 years. I'm adjusting nicely, though. We'll have to see if my left leg atrophies with no clutch to operate anymore.

Hopefully, I'll have no stories to tell for a long time about The Shark. That'll mean everything is going well. And if I'm going to have a car payment, I want everything to be going well.

So, congratulate me!

Austin - Tinsel Town South

They're filming a movie scene outside my office window today. I don't know who "they" are, but "they" seem to have a real budget for real equipment. It's not just some students from film school walking down the sidewalk with a handheld. Here's what I've seen twice so far:

I hear honking - insistent honking that says, "Hold up! Comin' thru!"

I look out the window, and there's a motorcycle cop. He stops traffic and keeps looking behind him.

After a few seconds, here comes a truck with a flatbed. On the flatbed is some kind of crane-camera rig. The camera is aimed at a car driving alongside the truck (on the first pass, the camera was looking right into the passenger window and the car stayed even with the truck; on the second pass, the camera was in front of the car, shooting through the window, and then the car sped up and passed the truck and the crane/camera swung around and ended up shooting through the passenger window).

Bringing up the rear is another motorcycle cop, and as the truck clears the intersection, traffic resumes.

They pass right by my office and then...I don't know, because I go back to work.

Pretty cool. At my last job, they spent an entire day filming a scene from a Tommy Lee Jones movie ("Man of the House") right outside my office window. He hung out, right outside my window all day...looking bored, if you really want to know. I took pictures. Because hey man - it's Tommy Lee Jones. I wonder what this movie is. Anyone know what major motion picture is filming in Austin right now?

It's a competition! I mean...charity.

A friend of mine sent me a link to a cool site today. Okay, it's not really cool. It's nerdy, but it's also do-goody, so you can indulge your inner wordsmith and do some good in the world at the same time. You don't have an inner wordsmith? Well, then, you sucketh.

The site is called freerice.com, and it's a vocabulary game. They give you a word and 4 definitions to choose from. If you get the definition right, the site donates 20 grains of rice to the UN World Food Program.

For all of you people good at "math" and "numbers" and "adding things," please go there, then report to me how many words you got wrong so that for once, I can feel superior. For everyone like me, word people, this is our world. Go live in it for a while and feel competent. Do it before you go to lunch today and are asked to calculate tax and tip on your lunch. You'll feel better.

Oh, yeah, and you're helping hunger...blah, blah, blah...feeding people...yadda, yadda.

Overheard at work...

"What the hell is wrong with people?"

What indeed?

BCS = Big Crock of Sh...

I hate the BCS. It's got to be the stupidest thing going right now in sports.

I know it's been a weird year for college football. Every single week the top 10 has gotten a shake-up. The only unbeaten team right now is Hawaii. It's crazy.

But come on. Ohio State and LSU in the national championship game? LSU was #7 last week in the BCS, and they have 2 losses, but as of yesterday they could win the whole thing? Give me a break. And Kansas in the Orange Bowl and Mizzou doesn't even get a BCS bowl - after Mizzou took Kansas to the woodshed and even the BCS ranks Mizzou higher than Kansas - by TWO places? What the frig?

This whole system needs to be trashed. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, we need a playoff system. Start with 8 teams. It would only take 3 weeks of play for the entire tournament. And non-championship tournament bowls would still be allowed, so everyone could continue making bowl money and cashing in. It's so simple that it's stupid we're not doing it.

For 4 teams, they'd play the same number of games they play now, because they'd be out in the first round - equivalent to playing one bowl game. For 2 teams, they'd play one extra game, and for the championship teams, they'd play two. And even that could be remedied by doing away with the extra throw-away game that was tossed in at the beginning of the season this year for most teams. That extra first game is pointless anyway, so toss it and that would mean that only 2 teams in the entire system would have to play an extra game from what they're playing now.

And you let HUMANS decide who'll be in the tournament. We do it for basketball, baseball and every other freakin' sport. Why not football? Why is a computer involved?

So, there ya go. Texas will be in the Holiday Bowl on the 27th. I will be in Fabulous Las Vegas that day, so I won't be around to go to it, but depending on the time and my traveling companion's interest, maybe I can catch it there. Seems like a good place to watch a sporting event!