Now, if you'd said 98%...

For a while there, my email was constantly littered with offers to buy replica watches. At another point, it was frequent notifications that my mortgage application had been approved. At still another, pharmaceutical snake charmers tried to entice me with Viagra.

Lately, the constant barrage is for a FU(K buddy. They ask if me if I want one. They promise me they'll get me one. They even make claims of success. They say that 65% of their clients find a fu(k buddy. 65%? Is that a good percentage?

I mean, if you're making an offer online, the presumption is you either are a willing participant or you have a willing participant waiting by the phone to get the call. And if you're a willing participant, trolling the Internet for a copulatory pal, you can't be particularly selective. So, even if you rightly assume that your likely new screw friend probably isn't very attractive (because if they were, they probably wouldn't need to send spam asking strangers to help them out), that's clearly not a problem, right?

So, if you've got two willing parties, neither selective, both very clear in their intention, taking action to close the deal, shouldn't the percentage be way higher than 65%?

I just don't think that's much to brag about. If a UT football coach only won 65% of his games, he probably wouldn't be around long. So, I have to assume that something is amiss in the business model here. And if I'm already suffering from the kind of self-loathing that propels me to answer spam emails offering fu(k buddies, I have to also assume that the rejection of being one of the 35% that *doesn't* get laid by the willing and unselective person on the other side of the offer could possibly send me right over the edge.

So, like the Viagra, mortgage and replica watch offers, I'm gonna turn this one down. Oh sure, I may kick myself one day for what I missed out on. But you've got to trust your gut.