Lotsa crazy news today - some good, some not, some just plain weird.
On the good side, some scientists discovered that electrical impulse therapy could bring back memories. The thought is that this discovery could hold be a big step forward in learning how to help Alzheimer's patients. I find the idea that memories are literally locked in our brains somewhere, just waiting to be unlocked by the right electrical impulse absolutely fascinating. We know so little about the brain, and this is just one more step in understanding how it works. Memories aren't just erased or lost - they're there. You just need the right key to unlocking them. This makes me think that somewhere in our brains, every sensory input we receive is stored - every smell, every sight, every taste, every experience. We just don't know how to access all of it. Truly, truly fascinating.
On the bad side, poor Britney was hauled away yet again. That girl is just tragic.
And apparently, the Super Bowl could cause a spike in heart attacks. How do those football players live with themselves?
Mixed news for me: An analyst reports that one million iPhones were unlocked last year and used on networks other than AT&T's. On the downside, this has led to lost revenues for Apple, and I own Apple stock, so this is bad. On the other hand, I hate AT&T and love Apple, so I hate that in order to use the iPhone you have to use AT&T service (I refuse to give AT&T one unnecessary dime of my money, so that means I can't use an iPhone, which pisses me off - I don't like Big Corporate telling me who to get my service from and denying me use of a product I want), so a part of me is gleeful for all the folks who have found a way around the enforced use of the AT&T colossus. Go, you rebels!
And lastly is the weird: A beetle has been named for Roy Orbison. Seriously.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
You're kidding, right?
Just when I thought all the troubles with my left eye were over, yesterday I got a stye. I'm not even joking. It's on the inner part of the upper lid, right by my tear duct. Can you believe it? I can't believe it.
Either there's some kind of bacteria swirling around that region of my face that just will not die or someone has a voodoo doll of me and keeps sticking the needle in my left eye.
Who would do that? Who did I piss off? It *must* be the voodoo thing, because I wash my face religiously, everynight carefully taking off all makeup, cleaning, moisturizing, using eye cream to keep the wrinkles away. I use sun-screened moisturizer in the mornings. I take care of my face people!
Oh, I guess it's *possible* that I touched something at some point that was unclean in some way, then rubbed my eye or something, setting off this chain of unpleasant eye ailments. But I think it's far more likely that someone is attacking me with voodoo.
If only I knew who so I could make amends...
Either there's some kind of bacteria swirling around that region of my face that just will not die or someone has a voodoo doll of me and keeps sticking the needle in my left eye.
Who would do that? Who did I piss off? It *must* be the voodoo thing, because I wash my face religiously, everynight carefully taking off all makeup, cleaning, moisturizing, using eye cream to keep the wrinkles away. I use sun-screened moisturizer in the mornings. I take care of my face people!
Oh, I guess it's *possible* that I touched something at some point that was unclean in some way, then rubbed my eye or something, setting off this chain of unpleasant eye ailments. But I think it's far more likely that someone is attacking me with voodoo.
If only I knew who so I could make amends...
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I care. I just want you to stop.
Just sittin' here listening to a co-worker cough incessantly. She says it's the cedar, which for most people would be a reasonable explanation, except that she does it all the time - cedar or not. She's done it for months. I can't begin to tell you how distracting and annoying it is.
It's not a "coughing up a lung" cough. I used to work with a guy who had one of those. In fact, he did cough things up on occasion. And spit them out. Into the trash can next to his desk. Imagine trying to work while that's going on one cube wall over.
No, this is more of a hacking, dry cough. We've tried to get her to go to the doctor for it, but she won't. I personally think that may indicate a lack of interest in solving the issue, since there's a certain amount of attention that comes with something like that. Not to rip on her. I like this lady. I really do. But she's a very loud person in general. Her speaking volumn borders on yelling, and she has kind of a sad-sack personality that might feed on the attention of an ailment.
I want to be sympathetic, because she has legitimate reasons for being kind of down lately, and as I said, I DO like her. But damn. Suck on a lozenge.
It's not a "coughing up a lung" cough. I used to work with a guy who had one of those. In fact, he did cough things up on occasion. And spit them out. Into the trash can next to his desk. Imagine trying to work while that's going on one cube wall over.
No, this is more of a hacking, dry cough. We've tried to get her to go to the doctor for it, but she won't. I personally think that may indicate a lack of interest in solving the issue, since there's a certain amount of attention that comes with something like that. Not to rip on her. I like this lady. I really do. But she's a very loud person in general. Her speaking volumn borders on yelling, and she has kind of a sad-sack personality that might feed on the attention of an ailment.
I want to be sympathetic, because she has legitimate reasons for being kind of down lately, and as I said, I DO like her. But damn. Suck on a lozenge.
Monday, January 28, 2008
You, too
So, I'm no longer hideous. No more zits or swelling, thangod. My return to normalcy was especially good news since I had the chance to go out in public this weekend and it would've been a shame if I'd missed out on fun things because of my elephant-man face.
Among the many entertaining things the weekend held, the coolest, hands-down, was boyfriend taking me to see the U2-3D show at the IMAX theater here in Austin. If you don't know what U2-3D is, it's a 3-D IMAX film of U2's Vertigo tour when they were in Buenas Aires. I kid you not, it was like being there!
I couldn't stop smiling or bouncing around in my chair - the other patrons were lucky I didn't jump up and just start dancing! Boyfriend said it was actually better than being there, because when the camera closes in on Bono, and he reaches out to you, it looks like you could just reach out and touch hands with him! It was fantastic. It made me want to go to a U2 show really badly! I love concerts.
If you have the chance, you should definitely check it out.
Among the many entertaining things the weekend held, the coolest, hands-down, was boyfriend taking me to see the U2-3D show at the IMAX theater here in Austin. If you don't know what U2-3D is, it's a 3-D IMAX film of U2's Vertigo tour when they were in Buenas Aires. I kid you not, it was like being there!
I couldn't stop smiling or bouncing around in my chair - the other patrons were lucky I didn't jump up and just start dancing! Boyfriend said it was actually better than being there, because when the camera closes in on Bono, and he reaches out to you, it looks like you could just reach out and touch hands with him! It was fantastic. It made me want to go to a U2 show really badly! I love concerts.
If you have the chance, you should definitely check it out.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I'm hideous - look away!
I'm gonna be real for a minute. Okay, I'm always pretty real, but today I'm gonna be real in that, "Oh, wow, she's talking about that in public, but now that you mention it, I get that, too, so what's she saying?" way.
See, a few days ago, I felt this tender spot between my eyes - just to the side of my left eyebrow. I recognized the feeling. It was one of those deep, under-the-skin zits forming - the kind that feel giant and totally hurt and may or may not come to the surface enough for you to actually do anything about them. Instead of just a little white pimple on the surface, it's this little bomb that grows farther down, swelling out and creating a welt - a painful, tender welt.
You want to leave it alone. You know that messing with it won't help. But see, ONE time, somewhere along the line, you messed with one, and you DID accomplish something. You pushed and prodded and squeezed and actually managed to get the offending white stuff to push the surface - kapow! Immediately there was relief, and the blemish was gone like a day or two later. So now, even when you just keep making it worse, some part of your psyche says to press on (See what I did there? "Press" on? That was kind of accidental, but it's still a pun.). So you just keep harrassing it, creating a bigger and bigger problem, possibly scarring yourself and extending the time it's going to take for the blemish to heal.
Well, I tried to stop myself from making this zit worse, namely because it's in a spot on my face that can't be hidden by hair or something. It's RIGHT THERE between my eyes, by my eyebrow. Even if it were cold enough for a ski mask, I'm pretty sure you'd still be able to see it. And my co-workers would freak if I came to work in a ski mask. So, that's off the table.
So, yesterday on my lunch hour, I went to CVS and got some Clearasil (because that stuff really does work) and some antibacterial wipes. I had to wipe my makeup off so I could put the Clearasil on, and I read that most zits are caused by bacteria, so let's try and kill the bacteria, right? It seemed to help somewhat. But I gotta tell ya, even with a little bit of cosmetic improvement, I could still feel painful tenderness radiating down from this freakin Vesuvius into my nose and eye socket. Seriously!
So last night, I washed carefully, applied more Clearasil, and crossed my fingers. This morning I woke up, went to the mirror, focusing my sight with laser-like precision on the zit. Hmmm. Might be a little improvement - I'm not really sure. It's not any worse, so that's good. Touch around the permimeter. Still tender. Hmmm. I had hoped for more. sigh. (Pull gaze back a little bit to take in rest of face.) Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with my eye?
I have no idea what is going on, but the skin of my left eyelid has swollen up and sort of flopped over - not swollen like a balloon, but more like someone who was really fat and then lost weight and there's extra skin now. It's the inside corner, near where all the tenderness is. Fan-fucking-tastic. So now, not only do I have the zit still marring the landscape. Now my left eye looks like I'm mongoloid or something. What. The. Hell?
The only time I've ever had this kind of swelling in my eyelids was when I was having an allergic reaction to something. I don't know if I'm reacting to the Clearasil or to something in the air, and it's just coincidence that it's happening just as I'm fighting Mount Fuji on my face, or what, but *something* is going on, and Mama ain't happy.
So, I didn't put any Clearasil or anything else on the affected area this morning - just washed my face and left it be. I didn't even use any foundation when I put on my makeup this morning or use any concealer on the zit. I'm just leaving it the hell alone. I did put on eye makeup - I had to at least try and camouflage the eye swelling. The makeup helped, and I know my eye isn't allergic to any of that stuff since I use it everyday, so I'm not worried about that. But it is still swollen and freaky.
If anyone knows of a voodoo chant or witch's spell I can use to clear all of this up, it would be much appreciated. Without some kind of divine intervention, I could be positively deformed by the end of the weekend.
See, a few days ago, I felt this tender spot between my eyes - just to the side of my left eyebrow. I recognized the feeling. It was one of those deep, under-the-skin zits forming - the kind that feel giant and totally hurt and may or may not come to the surface enough for you to actually do anything about them. Instead of just a little white pimple on the surface, it's this little bomb that grows farther down, swelling out and creating a welt - a painful, tender welt.
You want to leave it alone. You know that messing with it won't help. But see, ONE time, somewhere along the line, you messed with one, and you DID accomplish something. You pushed and prodded and squeezed and actually managed to get the offending white stuff to push the surface - kapow! Immediately there was relief, and the blemish was gone like a day or two later. So now, even when you just keep making it worse, some part of your psyche says to press on (See what I did there? "Press" on? That was kind of accidental, but it's still a pun.). So you just keep harrassing it, creating a bigger and bigger problem, possibly scarring yourself and extending the time it's going to take for the blemish to heal.
Well, I tried to stop myself from making this zit worse, namely because it's in a spot on my face that can't be hidden by hair or something. It's RIGHT THERE between my eyes, by my eyebrow. Even if it were cold enough for a ski mask, I'm pretty sure you'd still be able to see it. And my co-workers would freak if I came to work in a ski mask. So, that's off the table.
So, yesterday on my lunch hour, I went to CVS and got some Clearasil (because that stuff really does work) and some antibacterial wipes. I had to wipe my makeup off so I could put the Clearasil on, and I read that most zits are caused by bacteria, so let's try and kill the bacteria, right? It seemed to help somewhat. But I gotta tell ya, even with a little bit of cosmetic improvement, I could still feel painful tenderness radiating down from this freakin Vesuvius into my nose and eye socket. Seriously!
So last night, I washed carefully, applied more Clearasil, and crossed my fingers. This morning I woke up, went to the mirror, focusing my sight with laser-like precision on the zit. Hmmm. Might be a little improvement - I'm not really sure. It's not any worse, so that's good. Touch around the permimeter. Still tender. Hmmm. I had hoped for more. sigh. (Pull gaze back a little bit to take in rest of face.) Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with my eye?
I have no idea what is going on, but the skin of my left eyelid has swollen up and sort of flopped over - not swollen like a balloon, but more like someone who was really fat and then lost weight and there's extra skin now. It's the inside corner, near where all the tenderness is. Fan-fucking-tastic. So now, not only do I have the zit still marring the landscape. Now my left eye looks like I'm mongoloid or something. What. The. Hell?
The only time I've ever had this kind of swelling in my eyelids was when I was having an allergic reaction to something. I don't know if I'm reacting to the Clearasil or to something in the air, and it's just coincidence that it's happening just as I'm fighting Mount Fuji on my face, or what, but *something* is going on, and Mama ain't happy.
So, I didn't put any Clearasil or anything else on the affected area this morning - just washed my face and left it be. I didn't even use any foundation when I put on my makeup this morning or use any concealer on the zit. I'm just leaving it the hell alone. I did put on eye makeup - I had to at least try and camouflage the eye swelling. The makeup helped, and I know my eye isn't allergic to any of that stuff since I use it everyday, so I'm not worried about that. But it is still swollen and freaky.
If anyone knows of a voodoo chant or witch's spell I can use to clear all of this up, it would be much appreciated. Without some kind of divine intervention, I could be positively deformed by the end of the weekend.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Round it up
Lots of things going on, so I think a round up is in order.
1. It's looking like the government is going to give us tax rebates to avoid a recession - $300 to $1200. I have an idea, Uncle Sam: don't take it from me in the first place.
2. MacBook Air.
As soon as I saw it, I had the same reaction as Robin Roberts on Good Morning America (for the record, as much as I don't like Diane Sawyer, I really like Robin Roberts): "I don't know what it is, but I want it." She said "want" like "won't" to be funny - and it was. See why I like her better than Diane Sawyer? But I digress. I actually did know what it was - another supercool Mac product! A super-thin laptop! I love Macs! I love laptops! And I love thin! But I've read a review, and they said it doesn't have a built in CD/DVD drive, it's got too few ports and the battery is sealed, so you can't replace it on your own. I need the ports and the CD/DVD drive, and I like to be able to buy a new battery on eBay and change it out myself if necessary, so the Air will not be for me...until they get that stuff changed and it's another PERFECT Mac product!!!
3. Paige Davis is returning to Trading Spaces.
This is report-worthy for two reasons. 1) I used to watch Trading Spaces when she was on it, and after she left, I thought it lost a lot of its zip and I haven't watched since. 2) When my hair was short, alot of people said I looked like Paige Davis (uh, hello - SHE looks ME!), and I think she's really cute, so I was all over that. Her husband kind of looks like that guy Liza Minnelli was married to, though - the last one who looks like he's made of plastic. Since I can do better (and currently am) that means Paige could. But whatevuh. Welcome back, Paige!
4. Had the best freakin' steak ever the other night at Eddie V's Edgewater Grille. It ain't cheap. It's definitely a special occasion or expense account kinda place, but damn, Gina - if you're ready to splurge and celebrate something (like the birth of someone special back in the days of disco), I highly recommend it. And just go ahead and tack on some bernaise sauce and dessert. What the hell. The ship on frugality sailed as soon as you walked through the doors.
5. Tom Brady may be hurt!!! No, he's not. He's fine. And he's going to win the Super Bowl. Because the Patriots are freakin' superhuman. They're a machine. They're awesome. And they're unstoppable. Just enjoy watching the greatness Sunday after next.
That's it. I gotta go eat some lunch.
1. It's looking like the government is going to give us tax rebates to avoid a recession - $300 to $1200. I have an idea, Uncle Sam: don't take it from me in the first place.
2. MacBook Air.
As soon as I saw it, I had the same reaction as Robin Roberts on Good Morning America (for the record, as much as I don't like Diane Sawyer, I really like Robin Roberts): "I don't know what it is, but I want it." She said "want" like "won't" to be funny - and it was. See why I like her better than Diane Sawyer? But I digress. I actually did know what it was - another supercool Mac product! A super-thin laptop! I love Macs! I love laptops! And I love thin! But I've read a review, and they said it doesn't have a built in CD/DVD drive, it's got too few ports and the battery is sealed, so you can't replace it on your own. I need the ports and the CD/DVD drive, and I like to be able to buy a new battery on eBay and change it out myself if necessary, so the Air will not be for me...until they get that stuff changed and it's another PERFECT Mac product!!!
3. Paige Davis is returning to Trading Spaces.
This is report-worthy for two reasons. 1) I used to watch Trading Spaces when she was on it, and after she left, I thought it lost a lot of its zip and I haven't watched since. 2) When my hair was short, alot of people said I looked like Paige Davis (uh, hello - SHE looks ME!), and I think she's really cute, so I was all over that. Her husband kind of looks like that guy Liza Minnelli was married to, though - the last one who looks like he's made of plastic. Since I can do better (and currently am) that means Paige could. But whatevuh. Welcome back, Paige!4. Had the best freakin' steak ever the other night at Eddie V's Edgewater Grille. It ain't cheap. It's definitely a special occasion or expense account kinda place, but damn, Gina - if you're ready to splurge and celebrate something (like the birth of someone special back in the days of disco), I highly recommend it. And just go ahead and tack on some bernaise sauce and dessert. What the hell. The ship on frugality sailed as soon as you walked through the doors.
5. Tom Brady may be hurt!!! No, he's not. He's fine. And he's going to win the Super Bowl. Because the Patriots are freakin' superhuman. They're a machine. They're awesome. And they're unstoppable. Just enjoy watching the greatness Sunday after next.
That's it. I gotta go eat some lunch.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Birthday shout out
Happy Birthday to Big J! You are the rock and the roll and the cereal bowl, baby!!
Monday, January 21, 2008
In Europe, they get 6 weeks of vacation.
I gotta tell ya - it really sucks having to go to work when most folks, or at least lots of folks, don't have to. I got up this morning, at the brutish hour of 6 a.m., as I do most Mondays, turned on the news and heard story after story about the MLK holiday.
There was an interview with a lady organizing a parade. There was the traffic report (It's really light out there! No one's on the road thanks to the holiday!). There was the weather report (Here's your holiday weather report!). It's like they wanted to rub it in to me personally.
It was bad enough that when I left my last job, I lost an entire week of vacation (they told me in my interview for my current job how much vacation I'd have, and it was the same as my previous job, but when I got here, it was a week less than that...grrrr). That was a hit. Because honestly, I'd rather have less money and more time off. And had my previous job not been killing me, bit by bit, day by day, I'd have been perfectly happy to remain at the salary I was making with all the cool government holidays and the vacation I was up to thanks to my tenure.
But it was, indeed, killing me. So, I had to make a change. And unfortunately, the change that presented itself was in the private sector which meant losing all of my tenure (if I'd gone to another state government agency, my tenure would have stayed intact) and the leave accruals that came with that tenure. As I said above, I was immediately miffed to discover I'd been misled about my vacation in my interview, then I found out that my sick leave would be half what it had been at my previous job. And I couldn't take any of it for 6 months. Welcome to the private sector.
I've adjusted for the most part to my lot. But there are days when it still gets to me. Like today. Right now, I'm toiling away at my desk, doing my work, trying not to let the dreary, rainy weather bring me down because I'd really rather be at home on my couch (no doubt pondering the contributions of MLK), and outside my window, there it is - the parade. Or rather, a march. I don't think you can call it a parade if all you've got is a drum followed by a bunch of people. That's a march.
Whatever it is, those people aren't at work - any of them. They're off today. Like I should be. F-ing private sector. I need to call my old co-workers and have them remind me how miserable it was at my old job (and still is from the reports of those still there)...
There was an interview with a lady organizing a parade. There was the traffic report (It's really light out there! No one's on the road thanks to the holiday!). There was the weather report (Here's your holiday weather report!). It's like they wanted to rub it in to me personally.
It was bad enough that when I left my last job, I lost an entire week of vacation (they told me in my interview for my current job how much vacation I'd have, and it was the same as my previous job, but when I got here, it was a week less than that...grrrr). That was a hit. Because honestly, I'd rather have less money and more time off. And had my previous job not been killing me, bit by bit, day by day, I'd have been perfectly happy to remain at the salary I was making with all the cool government holidays and the vacation I was up to thanks to my tenure.
But it was, indeed, killing me. So, I had to make a change. And unfortunately, the change that presented itself was in the private sector which meant losing all of my tenure (if I'd gone to another state government agency, my tenure would have stayed intact) and the leave accruals that came with that tenure. As I said above, I was immediately miffed to discover I'd been misled about my vacation in my interview, then I found out that my sick leave would be half what it had been at my previous job. And I couldn't take any of it for 6 months. Welcome to the private sector.
I've adjusted for the most part to my lot. But there are days when it still gets to me. Like today. Right now, I'm toiling away at my desk, doing my work, trying not to let the dreary, rainy weather bring me down because I'd really rather be at home on my couch (no doubt pondering the contributions of MLK), and outside my window, there it is - the parade. Or rather, a march. I don't think you can call it a parade if all you've got is a drum followed by a bunch of people. That's a march.
Whatever it is, those people aren't at work - any of them. They're off today. Like I should be. F-ing private sector. I need to call my old co-workers and have them remind me how miserable it was at my old job (and still is from the reports of those still there)...
Friday, January 18, 2008
Peace be upon us.
Osama bin Laden's son wants to be a peace activist. An "ambassador for peace."
Well.
That should do it.
Well.
That should do it.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Major is back!!!
Yes, sports fans, Major Applewhite is returning to the Texas sideline! He's been hired as the new running backs coach. I'm so happy I could...smile really big!!
I always new our boy would come home, but I must admit, I didn't think it would be this quick. I figured he'd have to roam around a bit more in the NCAA, working some more jobs at other schools, paying dues. But he made short work of those dues, and I couldn't be happier that he'll be back in Burnt Orange!
I've been checking the paper this morning to find out when the parade will be. The Statesman doesn't seem to have any information on that...
I always new our boy would come home, but I must admit, I didn't think it would be this quick. I figured he'd have to roam around a bit more in the NCAA, working some more jobs at other schools, paying dues. But he made short work of those dues, and I couldn't be happier that he'll be back in Burnt Orange!
I've been checking the paper this morning to find out when the parade will be. The Statesman doesn't seem to have any information on that...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Don't run off the company.
The little Texas town of Stephenville is all abuzz - seems a several dozen folks have reported seeing a UFO in the area over the last few weeks. Shirley MacLaine must be positively quaking with glee! If I were a B&B owner in Stephenville, I'd go ahead and get a room ready for her. But I digress.
I have no problem with the idea of life outside our little green planet. And Lord knows that if you're an intelligent life form and you're traveling to Earth, you're going to pick Texas to hang out. It's only logical. So, if the folks in Stephenville say they've seen a UFO, then by golly, maybe they saw a UFO.
My real concern in that story I've linked to is that the guy says, with no apparent sarcasm, that "this is the Bible Belt." Excuse me? Texas. Is. Not. The. Bible. Belt.
I realize I live in Austin, which is hipper and more liberal (sometimes to my consternation) than pretty much everywhere else in Texas. I get that. But I grew up in Houston, and never once did I hear anyone there refer to it as part of the Bible Belt. And certainly no one in Austin would ever claim that.
The Bible Belt is Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, North Carolina - those Deep South kinda places. I've been there, to the Deep South. A couple of times. And it's very different from Texas. I'm a Methodist, and I've been to several Methodist churches around the Texas, and they're all pretty close - laid back, inclusive, open. And then I went to one in Alabama. There's not a Southern Baptist church in Texas that could out fire-and-brimstone the Methodist church I went to in a small town in Alabama. I couldn't believe it could even be considered part of the same denomination. It was truly like I'd entered another world.
So, someone needs to set Smithville straight. If you'd like to live in the Bible Belt, you are free to move there. No passport necessary. But the state of Texas is not it, nor do most of us want it to be. And if you keep saying that it is out loud, the aliens are going to hear you, and they're going go to say, "Oh crap! The Bible Belt! I thought we steered clear of that - go! go! go!" and they're gonna be outta there. If you want them to stay, or you want Shirley MacLaine to visit, you'll just say, "This is Texas" and leave the Bible Belt stuff for people not half as cool as Texans.
I have no problem with the idea of life outside our little green planet. And Lord knows that if you're an intelligent life form and you're traveling to Earth, you're going to pick Texas to hang out. It's only logical. So, if the folks in Stephenville say they've seen a UFO, then by golly, maybe they saw a UFO.
My real concern in that story I've linked to is that the guy says, with no apparent sarcasm, that "this is the Bible Belt." Excuse me? Texas. Is. Not. The. Bible. Belt.
I realize I live in Austin, which is hipper and more liberal (sometimes to my consternation) than pretty much everywhere else in Texas. I get that. But I grew up in Houston, and never once did I hear anyone there refer to it as part of the Bible Belt. And certainly no one in Austin would ever claim that.
The Bible Belt is Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama, South Carolina, North Carolina - those Deep South kinda places. I've been there, to the Deep South. A couple of times. And it's very different from Texas. I'm a Methodist, and I've been to several Methodist churches around the Texas, and they're all pretty close - laid back, inclusive, open. And then I went to one in Alabama. There's not a Southern Baptist church in Texas that could out fire-and-brimstone the Methodist church I went to in a small town in Alabama. I couldn't believe it could even be considered part of the same denomination. It was truly like I'd entered another world.
So, someone needs to set Smithville straight. If you'd like to live in the Bible Belt, you are free to move there. No passport necessary. But the state of Texas is not it, nor do most of us want it to be. And if you keep saying that it is out loud, the aliens are going to hear you, and they're going go to say, "Oh crap! The Bible Belt! I thought we steered clear of that - go! go! go!" and they're gonna be outta there. If you want them to stay, or you want Shirley MacLaine to visit, you'll just say, "This is Texas" and leave the Bible Belt stuff for people not half as cool as Texans.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Cat social graces
I'm babysitting cats this week. Actually, I'm just babysitting one - the other one is mine. But because mine terrorizes the one I'm babysitting, it means I end up having to wrangle them both.
The cat I'm babysitting is my mom's. He's actually very easy to take care of, because when he comes to my house, he spends the whole time under the guest bed or burrowed under the guest bed covers. I set his litter box and food up in the guest bathroom and try to just give him the run of that part of the house.
The problem is that Murphy stalks him. And because the guest room and bathroom are not connected, I can't close the guest room door to keep her out. I have to lock her up in my bedroom/bathroom suite while I'm at work and at night. That's not exactly a hardship. I have a big bedroom and a nice, big bed and windows to the backyard for her to watch the yard and entertain herself. But I don't want to keep her locked up when I'm there and awake, and it's a pain trying to keep on top of where she is at any given moment.
Lest you feel too bad for my mom's cat, when he first came on the scene, Murphy tried to be friends with him. He hissed at her and stalked her, so she tried to ignore him. He persisted until one day she'd had enough. She turned on him, and like most bullies, he wilted when confronted with someone who wasn't going to tolerate his b.s. But instead of defending herself, she's now become the aggressor, bullying him right back. So, in fairness, he did bring it on himself. But I could do without the literal cat-fighting.
I figure sooner or later he's bound to stand his ground and maybe they'll go to their neutral corners...right??
The cat I'm babysitting is my mom's. He's actually very easy to take care of, because when he comes to my house, he spends the whole time under the guest bed or burrowed under the guest bed covers. I set his litter box and food up in the guest bathroom and try to just give him the run of that part of the house.
The problem is that Murphy stalks him. And because the guest room and bathroom are not connected, I can't close the guest room door to keep her out. I have to lock her up in my bedroom/bathroom suite while I'm at work and at night. That's not exactly a hardship. I have a big bedroom and a nice, big bed and windows to the backyard for her to watch the yard and entertain herself. But I don't want to keep her locked up when I'm there and awake, and it's a pain trying to keep on top of where she is at any given moment.
Lest you feel too bad for my mom's cat, when he first came on the scene, Murphy tried to be friends with him. He hissed at her and stalked her, so she tried to ignore him. He persisted until one day she'd had enough. She turned on him, and like most bullies, he wilted when confronted with someone who wasn't going to tolerate his b.s. But instead of defending herself, she's now become the aggressor, bullying him right back. So, in fairness, he did bring it on himself. But I could do without the literal cat-fighting.
I figure sooner or later he's bound to stand his ground and maybe they'll go to their neutral corners...right??
Monday, January 14, 2008
In my email...
Agostinho Eldrige is offering me "gymnast VIAgRA".
Is gymnast VIAgRA different from regular VIAgRA? Is it because gymnasts have a certain reputation to live up to, and, frankly, they need a little help meeting the unreasonable standard society puts on them?
I can see the problem. You're able to hold yourself in a prone position from rings. Plus, you can do the splits in mid-air, hold that position, then rotate your legs upward into a handstand. You're buff - you're cut - you're flexible - and you can land on your feet. That sets up expectations, doesn't it?
Then, there's the pommel horse incident. You're running, top-speed. You're focused. You know just where to plant your feet and grab the horse. But just as you approach the horse, you hear a voice in your head. It's that little Russian gymnast who is supposed to take the floor exercise competition. You hear some music and you recognize that it's for her routine. She must be starting her routine right now - just there, on the mat to the right. She's been flirting with you all week. Sure, she's stunted with the body of a 9-year-old, but she's got this way of looking at you...and there's the way she says your name, with that accent - yes, that's the voice you're hearing - it's her saying your name - WHAM!!!! You lost focus, pal. You didn't plant your feet in the right spot, and your hand just missed the horse. And no, that wasn't your chest that slammed into the side of the horse.
So, now...you're going to need a little help. A little pharmaceutical help. And not the garden variety stuff that Phil the accountant living over there on Maple Street needs. No. Phil just has to show up. You - you've got to perform. You're going to need the gymnast VIAgRA.
So, I say, thank god for the Agostinho Eldriges of the world - providing a service, he is. Helping all the gymnasts out there. Someone's got to do it.
Is gymnast VIAgRA different from regular VIAgRA? Is it because gymnasts have a certain reputation to live up to, and, frankly, they need a little help meeting the unreasonable standard society puts on them?
I can see the problem. You're able to hold yourself in a prone position from rings. Plus, you can do the splits in mid-air, hold that position, then rotate your legs upward into a handstand. You're buff - you're cut - you're flexible - and you can land on your feet. That sets up expectations, doesn't it?
Then, there's the pommel horse incident. You're running, top-speed. You're focused. You know just where to plant your feet and grab the horse. But just as you approach the horse, you hear a voice in your head. It's that little Russian gymnast who is supposed to take the floor exercise competition. You hear some music and you recognize that it's for her routine. She must be starting her routine right now - just there, on the mat to the right. She's been flirting with you all week. Sure, she's stunted with the body of a 9-year-old, but she's got this way of looking at you...and there's the way she says your name, with that accent - yes, that's the voice you're hearing - it's her saying your name - WHAM!!!! You lost focus, pal. You didn't plant your feet in the right spot, and your hand just missed the horse. And no, that wasn't your chest that slammed into the side of the horse.
So, now...you're going to need a little help. A little pharmaceutical help. And not the garden variety stuff that Phil the accountant living over there on Maple Street needs. No. Phil just has to show up. You - you've got to perform. You're going to need the gymnast VIAgRA.
So, I say, thank god for the Agostinho Eldriges of the world - providing a service, he is. Helping all the gymnasts out there. Someone's got to do it.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Ringtones
Why do the ringtones that come with my Verizon phone suck so much, and why do the ones I want to download cost so much? What *could* be the marketing scheme??
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Cows in the street should be the bigger concern.
The world's cheapest car has been unveiled (that is, it's the world's cheapest NEW car - you could hop on Craigslist and find cars for free if you're willing to haul them away):
Normally, this is precisely the kind of car I would rip on. It's hideous, and I'd rather shave my legs with a cheese grater than be seen driving around in it. I think my love of a cool car is well documented.
HOWEVER. This thing only costs $2,500. No air conditioning. No radio. And you're likely to be killed if you hit a pothole while driving faster than 15 mph. But it's only $2,500, and it gets 50 mpg, and you're probably lucky if you can get the thing above 15 mph anyway, so I figure the pothole danger is low.
It's being marketed in India - a cesspool of overpopulated urban humanity. So, the 50 mpg thing isn't winning over the environmentalists and transportation planners there. They think that more cars on the road there will be a nightmare. They're probably right.
But I still think this thing could be a real boon to people with low incomes. After experiencing the molasses-like pace of mass transit in Las Vegas, I have to admit that if I were living on a shoe-string budget and had to rely on the freakin' bus to get everywhere, I'd leap at the chance to drive that little death box. Imagine getting 5 miles down the road in less than an hour...
Normally, this is precisely the kind of car I would rip on. It's hideous, and I'd rather shave my legs with a cheese grater than be seen driving around in it. I think my love of a cool car is well documented.
HOWEVER. This thing only costs $2,500. No air conditioning. No radio. And you're likely to be killed if you hit a pothole while driving faster than 15 mph. But it's only $2,500, and it gets 50 mpg, and you're probably lucky if you can get the thing above 15 mph anyway, so I figure the pothole danger is low.
It's being marketed in India - a cesspool of overpopulated urban humanity. So, the 50 mpg thing isn't winning over the environmentalists and transportation planners there. They think that more cars on the road there will be a nightmare. They're probably right.
But I still think this thing could be a real boon to people with low incomes. After experiencing the molasses-like pace of mass transit in Las Vegas, I have to admit that if I were living on a shoe-string budget and had to rely on the freakin' bus to get everywhere, I'd leap at the chance to drive that little death box. Imagine getting 5 miles down the road in less than an hour...
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Whew!
Mr. Blackwell's "Worst-Dressed List" is out. I am not on it.
(i.e. NOT ME)
Another year, another fashion victory!!!
Another year, another fashion victory!!!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Oblivions
Mike Straka has a column on the Fox News Web site in which he rants about Oblivions - people who are totally f-ing obvlivious. I like his column, and I frequently nod my head when reading it. I ran into an Oblivion today at the grocery store, and while I wouldn't necessarily call this a rant, it's definitely a eye-roll at grocery store oblivions.
I ran to the store at lunch to pick up a few items. "A few items" turned into "quite a few items" and when I went to check out at the self-check-out aisle, because I firmly believe in limiting contact with other people in every instance possible, I was forced to get in the "20 items or less" aisle, instead of the "10 items or less" one. I think the grocery store assumes that if you're in the self-check-out, you're anti-social, and thus, you live alone and don't need more than 20 items from the grocery store. I'm not sure where they get that idea (says the single lady with less than 20 items avoiding the real, live checkers).
In any case, half a second before I rolled up to the open 20-item scanner, some woman with 3 items got to it first. Note: there was a 10-item scanner free and clear that she passed up to get to my 20-item scanner. Yes, MY scanner. I'm looking at her like, "What are you doing?" but she's oblivious. I considered asking her to go to the other scanner (I couldn't b/c the machine actually cashes you out after 10 items - it's truly a 10 item or less scanner, unlike the real live checkers...yet another advantage to the machine), but I decided to appear patient instead. Which I wasn't.
Then she starts slowing trying to figure out the machine. Amateur. And in the wrong aisle. Are you kidding me? You cock-block me from my machine, and you don't even know how to use it? Oh, it gets better. She had produce, and she hadn't bagged it and done the pre-scan thing in the produce section - where you weigh it and print out a sticker with the price on it. She had to stand there and weigh each item, slowly looking up the produce code on a reference sheet by the scanner for each one. I repeat - are you kidding me?
There's no question her transaction would have been faster through the regular check-out. And all the while, I'm staring at her - glaring really, and she never even notices. If ever there were an Oblivion, this chick was it. I felt like I was in a 2008 version of the Mr. Mom scene where Michael Keaton goes to the grocery store, and it's a fiasco because he doesn't know what he's doing. I found myself waiting for the loudspeaker to announce, "Cleanup on Aisle 4, Irv" and this woman to yell, "I was never IN Aisle 4, Irv!" Except that would indicate she was aware of her cluelessness, and she's clearly not.
So anyway, here are the grocery store rules that were violated today, so you won't make the same mistakes:
1. Bag your freakin' produce, and pre-price it if your store offers that option. If it doesn't, start patronizing a different store.
2. Go to the aisle that's actually appropriate to the number of items you're purchasing. If you go to an Express aisle with a full basket of groceries, the other patrons have the right to beat you with anything in their hands. The cashier really should be the one to do this, but they never do, so like most societal norms, it must be enforced by the masses. If you hold up a big aisle with a small purchase when an Express aisle is available, other patrons are allowed to glare, and you're required to apologize.
3. If you're new to the self-check-out, make sure you use a machine that no one else is waiting on your inaugural and time-consuming first try. We self-check-out folks have little patience with other people to begin with, so you're just asking to be ostracized.
I hope that helps clarify things.
I ran to the store at lunch to pick up a few items. "A few items" turned into "quite a few items" and when I went to check out at the self-check-out aisle, because I firmly believe in limiting contact with other people in every instance possible, I was forced to get in the "20 items or less" aisle, instead of the "10 items or less" one. I think the grocery store assumes that if you're in the self-check-out, you're anti-social, and thus, you live alone and don't need more than 20 items from the grocery store. I'm not sure where they get that idea (says the single lady with less than 20 items avoiding the real, live checkers).
In any case, half a second before I rolled up to the open 20-item scanner, some woman with 3 items got to it first. Note: there was a 10-item scanner free and clear that she passed up to get to my 20-item scanner. Yes, MY scanner. I'm looking at her like, "What are you doing?" but she's oblivious. I considered asking her to go to the other scanner (I couldn't b/c the machine actually cashes you out after 10 items - it's truly a 10 item or less scanner, unlike the real live checkers...yet another advantage to the machine), but I decided to appear patient instead. Which I wasn't.
Then she starts slowing trying to figure out the machine. Amateur. And in the wrong aisle. Are you kidding me? You cock-block me from my machine, and you don't even know how to use it? Oh, it gets better. She had produce, and she hadn't bagged it and done the pre-scan thing in the produce section - where you weigh it and print out a sticker with the price on it. She had to stand there and weigh each item, slowly looking up the produce code on a reference sheet by the scanner for each one. I repeat - are you kidding me?
There's no question her transaction would have been faster through the regular check-out. And all the while, I'm staring at her - glaring really, and she never even notices. If ever there were an Oblivion, this chick was it. I felt like I was in a 2008 version of the Mr. Mom scene where Michael Keaton goes to the grocery store, and it's a fiasco because he doesn't know what he's doing. I found myself waiting for the loudspeaker to announce, "Cleanup on Aisle 4, Irv" and this woman to yell, "I was never IN Aisle 4, Irv!" Except that would indicate she was aware of her cluelessness, and she's clearly not.
So anyway, here are the grocery store rules that were violated today, so you won't make the same mistakes:
1. Bag your freakin' produce, and pre-price it if your store offers that option. If it doesn't, start patronizing a different store.
2. Go to the aisle that's actually appropriate to the number of items you're purchasing. If you go to an Express aisle with a full basket of groceries, the other patrons have the right to beat you with anything in their hands. The cashier really should be the one to do this, but they never do, so like most societal norms, it must be enforced by the masses. If you hold up a big aisle with a small purchase when an Express aisle is available, other patrons are allowed to glare, and you're required to apologize.
3. If you're new to the self-check-out, make sure you use a machine that no one else is waiting on your inaugural and time-consuming first try. We self-check-out folks have little patience with other people to begin with, so you're just asking to be ostracized.
I hope that helps clarify things.
Monday, January 07, 2008
I dropped the ball
Judy asked me what I thought about last night's Amazing Race, and I must confess, I have dropped the ball on this season!
With the holidays, and traveling, and football and social activities, I have just plain not been watching. There's been too much going on, people! Last night, I completely forgot about it, and I watched movies. I watched one romantic comedy, and it didn't have a happy ending, much to my dismay. So, in an attempt to get the happy ending I wanted, I watched another one with several love stories going on at once, and only about half of those had happy endings. Wuddup with Hollywood tryin' to bring me down???
So, I apologize for lettin' the world down on my Amazing Race commentary. I know my commentary is a vital part of the world entertainment complex. But if it makes you feel any better, my evening didn't have the happy quality I wanted it to have. In fact, I've had a couple of episodes in the last week where I got upset about something and had my evening colored as one giant bummer - movies aside. So, I think I need to burn some incense or something and get my energy workin' in a positive direction again! I've got a thorn or something in my mojo. I'm ready to pull it out so I can get back to the sweet-flowin' mojo I've had workin' the last couple of months!
Anyone have any suggestions on how to get back to the sweet spot with your mojo?
With the holidays, and traveling, and football and social activities, I have just plain not been watching. There's been too much going on, people! Last night, I completely forgot about it, and I watched movies. I watched one romantic comedy, and it didn't have a happy ending, much to my dismay. So, in an attempt to get the happy ending I wanted, I watched another one with several love stories going on at once, and only about half of those had happy endings. Wuddup with Hollywood tryin' to bring me down???
So, I apologize for lettin' the world down on my Amazing Race commentary. I know my commentary is a vital part of the world entertainment complex. But if it makes you feel any better, my evening didn't have the happy quality I wanted it to have. In fact, I've had a couple of episodes in the last week where I got upset about something and had my evening colored as one giant bummer - movies aside. So, I think I need to burn some incense or something and get my energy workin' in a positive direction again! I've got a thorn or something in my mojo. I'm ready to pull it out so I can get back to the sweet-flowin' mojo I've had workin' the last couple of months!
Anyone have any suggestions on how to get back to the sweet spot with your mojo?
Friday, January 04, 2008
First roundup of 2008
Feeling a little better today - maybe the antihistamine is kicking in. Thangod. Oh, and my face doesn't hurt as bad. I've got a red mark, but it isn't a bruise (yet), so you don't really notice it if you don't know it's there. I think.
So Obama and Huckabee have won in Iowa. Only 11 more months to go! I'm sure nothing will change between now and the election, so thank heaven we've had non-stop coverage of the Iowa caucus! Election years...oy.
Britney was taken away for a psych evaluation. That girl really is in a bad way. I wonder if she's going to be the next Michael Jackson - permanently screwed up and permanently on display with her screwed-up-ness.
The stock market is tanking. Stupid oil prices. We've really got to get off our dependence on oil - stop putting ourselves at the mercy of unmerciful countries. Alternative fuels, people!!
Anyone make any New Year's resolutions? I didn't make any, per se, but I do want to recommit myself to a few things - finishing a project, getting back on track with my diet and exercise, maybe changing up a thing or two this year. Anyone make any *interesting* resolutions - something besides losing 10 pounds and cleaning their garage?
Big 12 is making a nice showing in their bowl games. 8 of 12 teams in bowls, which is mighty fine average. In the winner's column: Texas, Oklahoma State, Missouri, Texas Tech, Kansas. In the loser's column: A&M (LOL!), Oklahoma (ditto), and Colorado. Two more bowl games left and then no more college football until September. (sniff!)
That's it for now. Everyone have a great weekend!
So Obama and Huckabee have won in Iowa. Only 11 more months to go! I'm sure nothing will change between now and the election, so thank heaven we've had non-stop coverage of the Iowa caucus! Election years...oy.
Britney was taken away for a psych evaluation. That girl really is in a bad way. I wonder if she's going to be the next Michael Jackson - permanently screwed up and permanently on display with her screwed-up-ness.
The stock market is tanking. Stupid oil prices. We've really got to get off our dependence on oil - stop putting ourselves at the mercy of unmerciful countries. Alternative fuels, people!!
Anyone make any New Year's resolutions? I didn't make any, per se, but I do want to recommit myself to a few things - finishing a project, getting back on track with my diet and exercise, maybe changing up a thing or two this year. Anyone make any *interesting* resolutions - something besides losing 10 pounds and cleaning their garage?
Big 12 is making a nice showing in their bowl games. 8 of 12 teams in bowls, which is mighty fine average. In the winner's column: Texas, Oklahoma State, Missouri, Texas Tech, Kansas. In the loser's column: A&M (LOL!), Oklahoma (ditto), and Colorado. Two more bowl games left and then no more college football until September. (sniff!)
That's it for now. Everyone have a great weekend!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
The cedar...Dear God, the cedar...
I thought I'd escaped the pox of cedar by moving to east side of the county. Seriously. Austin straddles a geological fault, and the terrain is different from east to west - everything from soil to rocks to plants. And the east side is blissfully low on cedar trees.
But apparently, this year, that's irrelevant. The cedar pollen doesn't care. It's like freakin' mustard gas.
I thought at first that maybe it was a cold or a garden variety allergy thing - maybe a little oak or a little mold giving me some congestion. I don't *get* cedar fever anymore, after all. But I saw the allergy report, and the cedar is through the roof: 4,000+ grains per atomic measurement or something, and the news folk assure me that even people who aren't allergic are having symptoms. My symptoms - the ones I'm having and that are getting worse with each passing day.
So, I'm screwed. That's what they're saying. George Kanuck on KVUE may as well have said this morning, "Suzanne, you're screwed. Buckle in, because you're going to be on a misery sinus ride for the next several weeks. There's no escape. Take all the medications you like, but there's poison in the air, and if you breathe, you *will* suffer. Sucks to be you."
I'll do everything I can, because my God, you have to at least make an effort. If you're not throwing everything you've got at it, I think you literally die. Your sinuses just stop working, and your body says, "I can't work under these conditions," and you die. I'm taking antihistamine, decongestant, Tylenol, cough syrup. I'm flushing my sinuses with the Neti Pot (incidentally, I think I've gotten more hits on my blog from mentioning that bizarre little invention than on anything I've ever mentioned). I pulled out the humidifier (with inhalant) last night. I'm taking vitamin C, just because...well, it can't hurt. I'm keeping myself hydrated to keep all the gook loosened. It's a freakin' 24-hour job to fight this stuff. And it's going to go on for WEEKS people!
Oh, and on top of everything else, I bashed my face into a door frame this morning. I'm not joking. I had turned out all the lights to leave for work when it occurred to me that I should take my decongestant with me to work. So, I ran back to the bathroom - or to be accurate, I walked really fast - and somehow I got disoriented as to my position in the hall (which never happens because I've been blind since 3rd grade and I can usually maneuver in the dark with ease), and I slammed cheek-first into the bathroom door frame. Blinding pain, a shooting headache that started at the spot on my cheekbone that made contact and radiated into my temple, and the immediate thought of, "Are you kidding me?"
I had no time to ice the spot or do anything really, so I grabbed the decongestant and held my cold-ass fingers to my face halfway to work. I just hope I don't end up with a giant bruise plastered across my cheek. If I do, Jonathan, I'm going to tell people, "Oh that bruise? Well, I can tell you that it's not from Jonathan punching me in the face after I said his hair smelled yummy like a girl's. It wasn't from that."
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Happy 2008!
Zowie, it's been a long time since my last posting! I had thought I might post during the holidays, but it just didn't happen. I hope everyone had a fab-o holiday and was able to start 2008 off on a good note!
I had Christmas with the fam in Houston, came home for a day, then went to Fabulous Las Vegas with a friend for several days. We gambled, ate, did a bunch of sight-seeing and spent a lot of time on the bus - a slow, but cheap form of transportation for the city that never sleeps...or is that New York? Our hotel was downtown, right by Freemont Street, so it was a trek for us to go to the Strip. Thus the bus. But I lodge no complaints, since a day pass for the bus was only $5, and we did go back and forth several times. You see some interesting folks on the bus. I'll leave it at that.
After returning from the desert, I got to ring in the new year with my wonderful friends and loved ones. It was one of the best New Year's Eves I've had in a very long time, and I hope it bodes well for a fantastic 2008. For now, I'm back to work, which is...work. I always adjust so easily to not working when I'm off. Surely I must be destined for a life of leisure. Maybe this will be the year I achieve that. Everyone needs a dream.
I had Christmas with the fam in Houston, came home for a day, then went to Fabulous Las Vegas with a friend for several days. We gambled, ate, did a bunch of sight-seeing and spent a lot of time on the bus - a slow, but cheap form of transportation for the city that never sleeps...or is that New York? Our hotel was downtown, right by Freemont Street, so it was a trek for us to go to the Strip. Thus the bus. But I lodge no complaints, since a day pass for the bus was only $5, and we did go back and forth several times. You see some interesting folks on the bus. I'll leave it at that.
After returning from the desert, I got to ring in the new year with my wonderful friends and loved ones. It was one of the best New Year's Eves I've had in a very long time, and I hope it bodes well for a fantastic 2008. For now, I'm back to work, which is...work. I always adjust so easily to not working when I'm off. Surely I must be destined for a life of leisure. Maybe this will be the year I achieve that. Everyone needs a dream.
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