India, that ain't holy water

So, the Hindu nationalist movement in India is marketing a new soft drink...made from cow pee. Yes. Urine.

If you didn't know it already, Hindus consider the cow sacred, so I guess that means anything that issues from the cow is equally sacred. Well, that's all well and good, but I'm a Christian, and I consider Jesus sacred, and I wouldn't drink his pee - and he wouldn't ask me to. Jesus is cool like that.

I had a science teacher in 7th Grade who (as all science teachers do) tried to convince us about the purity of urine. She even went so far as to tell us she would drink it. After I got my gag reflux under control, I waited for her to prove it. She didn't. And outside of a cable survivalist show, I don't think anyone else ever has either. Because it's foul.

That should be obvious. I mean, have you noticed that your body *expels* urine? It doesn't want it. It's not designed as something for you to TAKE IN. It's something you get rid of. See how that works? No drinky the pee.

In conclusion, as a lover of Coca-Cola, I would like to petition that this vile bastardization of all that is delicious, sugary and carbonated not even be allowed to be called a soft drink. Tell them they have to call it a "piss beverage," or, you know, "disgusting." And they should have to come up with packaging that very clearly indicates what's inside. Because if I'm a tourist, visiting the Taj Majal and shopping for saris, and I get parched because it's freakin' India, and I accidentally drink Holy Cow! (that's what I'd call it if I were the marketing director), well, someone's seen their last Indian sunrise.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

So, I decided to upgrade the ole blog a little! I have done very little tinkering since I first started the blog, and it was time to upgrade. There were "widgets" and "fonts" and "colors" that I could play with to freshen things up a bit and bring myself into The Now.

What do you think? And those of you who have blogs, what features and widgets do you use that you especially like? I'm open to fine-tuning!

I'm very much in a mood these days to fine tune, overhaul and just generally upgrade! I'm coming up on a birthday soon, and it's a milestone birthday (the big 4-0). The last time I had a milestone birthday (30), I was not in a good place in and was not happy about my birthday. I wasn't happy about the state of my life - personally or professionally, and I was in no mood to celebrate the end of my 20s with no more to show for it than I felt like had.

Looking back, I had made progress and started things moving in the right direction, but at the time, I couldn't really see that and had no way of knowing how everything would take off in my 30s. Nearing the end of my 30s now, I see that it's been a decade of important successes. I've achieved professionally and financially, climbing the ladder in my chosen field and writing a novel that I'm now working to get published. And most importantly, I've found success personally. I have a man I love by my side, and that's worth everything.

But I'd like my 40s to be even more. I'd like my relationship to grow and prosper - to become stronger than ever and reach new heights for both of us. That's the most important thing. But I'd also like to find professional success in a different way than I pursued it in my 30s. I'd like to find more freedom and to be able to turn my passions and my gifts and my skills into the financial success that will sustain me and feed the life I'm building with J. I'd like to be free of the artificial constraints that have always been such a part of my working life and find a way to work in a more goal-oriented, rather than clock-oriented, environment. I want to work and be productive and creative and to be proud of what I do, but be able to do it more on my terms.

I've wanted that for a long time, and have at times had a taste of that kind of work life, but haven't found it yet. I believe that in the coming decade, I will be able to finally achieve it, and it will work in symbiosis with my relationship to create exactly the life I've wanted for so long. I have a really good life now, but I think it can be even better, and I think by the time I celebrate my next milestone, I will look back at my 40s and see a time of great satisfaction and achievement in the most important ways - I think this will be a decade of great happiness for me, and I look forward to it!

J, I'm so glad you're my man. God, I'm so glad you take care of me. And friends, I'm so grateful for you every day! I've still got a few more weeks before I have to check a new box for "age range" on surveys, but I'm so ready to get started on this new era in my life!

The lady (half) smiles.

Today is shaping up to be a little less hectic for me than yesterday, so I thought I'd catch up on the news, celebrity gossip, etc. In doing so, I came across this picture of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise:



The picture is being used to bash Katie for her "bony breastplate." Personally, I think she looks fine - thin, but not overly so, in my opinion. I don't think her breastplate looks bony. In fact, she seems to have nice skin. No, what caught my eye wasn't her weight, but her face, or more specifically her smile. It seemed sad to me. I looked closely to see what about it looked sad, and I'm probably already way too drawn into that new show "Lie to Me" (love it!), but I could quickly see some things to me that said, "This lady is not happy."

For one thing, the smile doesn't extend to her eyes. A real smile can be seen in the eyes - they crinkle. But that in itself doesn't necessarily mean anything. Celebrities have to pose constantly, so most of their photographed smiles aren't real, and they have an interest in perfecting a "photo smile" that doesn't crinkle the eyes anyway - they would want their faces to remain as wrinkle-free as possible for as long as possible. Tom's smile doesn't really show the crinkling either, but he looks perfectly happy. So that ain't it.

The more salient point to me is that it's lopsided. The right side of her mouth is curved up into a smile, but the left isn't. It made the smile seem forced and disingenuine to me. So I did a little research to see what that means, and it turns out, it means quite a lot.

According to language expert Patti Wood, MA, CSP: "Psychologists have studied the phenomenon of the split face for many years and have accumulated a reservoir of studies that conclusively indicate that the expression of the left side of an individual's face is far more revealing concerning their emotional state than is their whole face."

When a person is unable to achieve symmetry in their expression, physical injury to facial nerves and such notwithstanding, Wood says that it's indicative of a disconnect between the left and right sides of the brain. And in these cases, it's the left side that reveals what the person is really feeling.

And that makes me feel a bit sad for Mrs. Cruise. Look at the left side of her face - the side closest to Tom. Katie ain't happy. And I have a feeling that the older and more mature she gets, the more she comes into her own as a woman and as a person, the deeper that discontent will grow. Tom never wanted a partner or an equal. He wanted someone he could mold. Katie was young and starstruck, and she signed on. But now that she's becoming an actual grownup, that's not going to be so appealing.

Tom doesn't seem the flexible type to me, and I predict that this marriage, like his others, will fail when Katie's finally had enough. I realize I'm not exactly going out on a limb by myself with that prediction, and I'm no Sylvia Browne, but I'm pretty good at reading people and figuring out how things are likely to play out, and I'm puttin' it out there. So, bookmark this page so that when TomKat is over, you can say, "Suzanne predicted that! Here, I have proof."

Super Bowl 2009

Any regular reader to my blog knows that I'm not too interested in the NFL, but I do enjoy a Super Bowl party as much as the next gal. J and I had a good time at Tom's last night, watching an exciting game (the ending was anyway) and enjoying some good company and food. Bruce Springsteen gave an awesome half-time show, too! I was a little disappointed in the commercials, though. None of them really grabbed me, except this gem, which is by far my favorite of the night:



I'll admit that I didn't see every single commercial all night, so I may have missed some good ones. The Go Daddy commercials were lame, though I did get a big kick out of the 1-second Miller High Life commercials. Very clever! What was your favorite?

Shouldn't people leave?

Did you know that an Alaskan volcano near Anchorage is on the verge of erupting - not "on the verge" in the geological sense, like sometime in the next 1,000 years, but as in "any day now"?

And the Alaskans (Anchoragians? Anchoragilites? Anchoraginates?) aren't even clearing out - they're just hitting the hardware stores for dust masks and goggles, like they're about to start a carpentry project! Man, those people are tough. I'll bet Sarah Palin is personally hiking up the side of Mount Redoubt right now to go take a look. "Gotta check it out, you know."

This will be an interesting story to follow over the coming days. I remember Mount St. Helens erupting when I was a kid. It made quite an impression on me, since I didn't even realize at that age that we had "real" volcanoes here in the U.S. - ones that erupted and everything. I might've known Hawaii had them, but theirs aren't really the "duck and cover" kind of eruptions that disaster movies are made of.

It's possible that I'm responsible for this eruption since I recently listened to the book on tape of the novel "Pompeii." I even passed it on to J, further adding to the volcano ju-ju in the air. So, if this is our fault, I apologize. We were just trying to be literary. It still counts as literary is you listen on CD instead of reading it yourself, right?

Texas A&M Football Coach Adolph Hitler

I might be tempted to save this until next football season, but it mentions Graham Harrell, and he won't be back next year, so I gotta post it now, while it's fresh (or at least not past its expiration date) and relevant:



Pooooooor Aggies! (I couldn't resist throwin' that in there.)

Quirky is just another word for "fabulous"!

So, my boyfriend's sister recently had a post on her blog that I guess you could kinda sorta call a meme. It's not really a meme as much as a question that someone had posed on their blog, and then she posed it on hers. I kinda liked it, so I'm going to pose it on mine.

The question is essentially, "What's quirky about you?" Or I suppose you could ask it as, "What are your quirks?" I'll answer first, and then you guys answer in the comments section! (Or in Judy's case, she can use it for her own blog fodder!)

Okay, so what's quirky about me? Well, for starters, I don't mix my food. When I eat a meal, I eat all of one thing before moving on to the next. So, I don't eat a little of this, and a little of that, then go back to this. ALL of the corn is eaten. Then I eat ALL of the mashed potatoes (or as much as I'm going to eat). Then I go on to the chicken fried steak, etc. I don't care if the food touches. That's not a thing. But I don't like to go back to a flavor. Once I'm done with it, I move on.

Admittedly, it requires some strategy. I have to calculate how much of each thing I really think I want to eat, lest I fill up on spinach and run out of room for mac and cheese (which, HELLO, would never happen, since I'd eat the mac and cheese first!). But I am allowed to go back for seconds and revisit the foods that I particularly enjoyed, once I've had a sampling of everything I intend to try. See - I'm flexible!

Other quirks? Well, let's see. My friend Vangie, who was my roommate for 2.5 years in the late 90s, alerted me during our tenure together to the previously unknown (to me) fact that I tend to leave electrical items on - like the iron or the coffee maker. She tended to leave cabinet doors open, so I would follow around behind her closing doors, and she would follow behind me turning things off. This worked well while we lived together, but once I had my own place, I had to start buying appliances that would turn themselves off after a certain period of time. The alternative was either becoming OCD about turning stuff off or burning my house down.

And the final quirky thing about me is my memory. I have a very strange memory. It's strikingly accurate at remembering faces and odd facts, but practically useless when it comes to remembering events in my own life, things I'm supposed to do, or what I'm supposed to be picking up at the grocery store. I can watch TV and see an actor or actress that I may have only seen a couple of times, years ago, in a supporting role in a show that maybe only had a few episodes and then got cancelled, and I never saw them again in anything else, and not only will I know I've seen them before, but given some time, I'll be able to tell what they were in and the role they played. I may not have a name, but I can tell you, "She was the receptionist in Lovespring International" (that's an ACTUAL example).

Yet, my mother tells stories all the time about stuff that happened TO ME and I have no idea what she's talking about. And I don't mean stuff that happened when I was like 2 - I'm talking about things that happened in high school, or college, or even my 20s, and I'm like, "Really? Well...what did I do then?"

I've learned to compensate for a complete and utter lack of useful memory by becoming uber-organized and writing *everything* down and trying to develop patterns (for example, always leaving my keys in the same place, since I won't remember where I put them if I set them down anywhere other than "where they go"). The good news is, if I get Alzheimer's one day, no one will notice.

So, how about you? What's quirky about you? Or if you know something quirky about me that I don't know about myself, tell me! I'm fascinated by me.

There's nothing worse than a petty man in a position of power.

The first six seconds of this video (and the 4:59 mark) was me this morning on my way to work - only not to another driver that I'd just clipped but to a complete jerk of a sheriff's deputy.

Said deputy thinks that "public service" means to mock a member of the public when his fellow deputy is sending that member (a driver) the wrong way and the driver yells at him (because the driver is in a moving car and that's the only way the deputy would be able to hear what they're saying) to tell them so.

It was scant satisfaction to be able to call him that, knowing he could do nothing about it since he had stay rooted in place, directing traffic, but it was satisfaction nonetheless.

Public service = mocking? I think not.

The rest of the video improves my mood, though. I gotta add this movie to my "favorites" on Facebook...



P.S. I've also many times delivered the "I'm disappointed!" line, though I'm not sure anyone ever gets it but me, and the apology scene about 4 minutes in is just plain classic.

I'm no vegetarian...

but even I can't abide by this:


Watch CBS Videos Online

I'll stick with Hut's (and just one patty), thank you.

An elephant and a dog.

I saw this on another blog that I stop in on occasionally, and it made me tear up (in a good way):



Boy, don't we all (creatures great and small) deserve at least one other being who will sit vigil for us when we're hurt or sick - one other soul who cares for us more than any other, and for whom it truly, deeply matters whether we're in their life or not? With a companion to walk the walk each day, whatever it brings - someone we can trust and who loves us just as we are - all the crappy stuff of life is bearable, isn't it?

I have a dream, too.

I long for the day when we stop talking about our leaders (and everyone else) in terms of their ethnicity, gender, religion, etc., and instead, when we look at them and talk about them, the thrust of the conversation will be about their policies and, as MLK Jr. said, "the content of their character."

All anyone can talk about is how Obama being sworn in today is "HISTORY!!!" They're beside themselves, in some cases to the point of joyous tears, about the "history" that is being made today. And why is it history? Because he's black.

Now, I get that it wasn't that long ago that black Americans were slaves. And it was even less time ago that they were institutionally treated as less than equal. They were forced to drink from different fountains, sit at the back of the bus, etc. It was NOT RIGHT. And I'll never understand it, because I simply do not understand the concept that the level of pigment in a person's skin has ANYTHING to do with their abilities, potential, character or humanity. So, it's meaningful that in the approximately 40 years since the civil rights movement, we have succesfully integrated to the point that we have elected a black president.

The problem is that a great number of people voted for him only because he's black - not because of his qualifications or even the specific policies of his that they support. Howard Stern did a bit during the campaign where he sent a staffer down to talk to the "man on the street." The staffer would ask the interviewee if they agreed with Obama's policy of X - and in each case, X was one of McCain's or Bush's policies. In each case, the interviewee loudly proclaimed their support, even explaining WHY it was a good policy. They had no idea what Obama does or doesn't stand for, and they didn't really care. It was his FACE they were voting for.

And that means that while we've come a long way, we haven't gotten as far as we need to go. And don't even try to say "She must be racist." Because if Hillary had been elected, we'd be hearing this same thing, except it would be "HISTORY!!!" because she's a woman. Well, I'M a woman, and I gotta tell you, it irritates me that it's such damn breaking news every time a woman accomplishes something - like it's so unbelievable that a woman could be Speaker of the House or president that we have to cover it like aliens have landed. Yes, we have WOMBS. So what? It's not a mental handicap, and in this day and age, it shouldn't even have to be a conversation when a woman runs for president. Of course a woman ran for president. Why wouldn't a woman be running for president? Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meir took care of the whole "Can a woman run a country?" question a long time ago!

So, yes, we have a black president. Someday we will have a woman president. We'll also have a Jewish president someday. We've already had a disabled president (FDR, wheelchair-bound in case you were unaware). I'm sure we'll also have a gay president someday. And you know what? I *pray* that when we do, no one even TALKS about the fact that they're a female Jewish lesbian!! I hope THAT'S what's historical about it. Instead of seeing all the labels, we'll just see the person and if they're qualified, as a person and as a candidate/incumbent/political leader, to lead the greatest country on the face of this earth.

That's the history I'm waiting for.

Movin on

Allright, kids! Enough bummer news about deals that didn't work. It's Friday, so let's kick the weekend off!

I think it might be time for another Cartoon Excellence Friday. Last time I shared some Space Ghost with you, some of you were...confused. You didn't really "get" it. I can understand where that might have happened since one of the guests was Bjork, and she's confusing to begin with. So, I'll try again, only this time the episode features Willie Nelson.

We all know Willie Nelson, right? And if you're from Texas, and especially Austin, you love Willie, right? So, even if you're not sure you like Space Ghost, you'd get some satisfaction from seeing a local icon display a good sense of humor, right? Okay, then. One more time, a little Space Ghost Cartoon Excellence! Please to enjoy!!

No moguling for me.

I'm not talking about skiing - I'm talking about real estate. My big plans of being a two-house-owning mogul are not to be. At least not today.

We were supposed to close on the new house today, but Tuesday night I got a call. There was a "problem" with the title. I only marginally understood what this problem was, and the magnitude of what it would take to fix it, but it all became clear over the course of the next 24 hours.

In a nutshell, an old couple lived in the house a long time. The house was in the wife's name. She died without a will, meaning the house goes to her children. I'm not sure how many she had, but one of them is taking care of Dad now, and at least one other was estranged from the family. He had kids in some other state, and then he up and died, meaning his share then went to his multiple children. No one knows these children or where they are. No one has ever contacted them, say, to have them sign away their share of the ownership of the house. THIS is where it becomes a problem for me.

There are heirs to this house out there. You can't sell someone's inheritance without telling them - not without exposing yourself to a lawsuit. The fact that there are missing heirs means the title has a "cloud." You can't remove the cloud by just selling to someone else and hoping the rightful heirs never find out. You have to find them and have them sign off on the sale and get their share, or you have to go through a court process to clear the title. If I bought the house with the clouded title, and the heirs never found out, I'd *still* have a clouded title when I went to sell. And smart buyers don't buy a property with a clouded title.

I am a smart buyer. Or at least I want to be one. For now, I'm a smart non-buyer. And it sucks, because I was very excited about this house, and it BITES that this happened, and that it happened at the 11th hour. I don't know what the seller will decide to do - find another sucker to buy with a clouded title or suck it up and go through the court process to clear the title. But one thing is certain: I didn't close on the house today, and for now, my deal is dead.

(sigh)

Thank heaven I didn't sell my current house, and expressions of gratitude to the astute title company escrow officer and underwriter who spotted the cloud before I'd signed myself on to something shady. Sometimes bad news is what saves your butt.

It's a whole new world.

Don't you dare close your eyes. (That was for you, J.) Seriously, though, it really is amazing time we're living in.

Last night, J had a FREE online conference call with his parents IN CHINA and three of his siblings, who are in Utah and Idaho, via Skype. It was real-time conversation, and they were able to talk for an hour without paying a dime! An hour-long, multi-participant international call for free thanks to the wonder of the Internet. Incredible.

After the conference call, J was able to talk to his folks one-on-one in a *video* call. They could see each other, just like they were in the other room.

The service makes their money by charging when you use your computer to call a landline, but the computer-to-computer calls using Skype are free. It's awesome! If you have a webcam, you can do one-on-one video calls, but even if you don't have a webcam, you can still do voice-only calls. Conference calls don't include video, though - or at least we didn't find a way to do it last night.

So, if you have loved ones in long-distance places, check it out. I've heard some complaints about dropped calls and such, which I suppose depends on the reliability of your Internet connection. But considering the cost (or should I say lack of one), that's hardly worth complaining about.

And no, I don't have any stock or ownership interest in Skype. I just thought it was too cool not to tell people about!

Nothing is better...

than this:

Except, of course, the BCS getting it right and having the OTHER team and the OTHER quarterback that beat OU this year playing Florida for the national title. But that was too obvious. So, I'll take Stoops angry and failed yet again. That's 2 and 7 now for OU in BCS bowls. Very impressive, Stoops. Very impressive.

Oh, and I think after last night, we can also see that the Heisman voters made the wrong choice as well. Maybe someday there will be a playoff system to avoid shams like last night, and we'll vote on individual awards, such as the Heisman, AFTER the bowl games/playoffs are over - when the season is actually over and the various candidates have had a chance, in some cases, to go head to head.

(By the way, thanks to those of you who commented on yesterday's post. I didn't publish them all, but I appreciate that some of you DO read faithfully and get something from my blog. As J said, I should look at it as a journal and do it for myself and if others enjoy it, then so be it. So for now, I'll soldier on!)

Why am I doing this?

So, my friend Lauren's food blog, tastytype, is officially famous. She was featured in the Austin American-Statesman yesterday! That's so cool. I know her. And her blog is fantastic - she makes the best food!

But I must admit, it makes me wonder why I'm bothering with this whole blog thing. Hardly anyone reads it, and almost no one comments, so why am I bothering? I realize I don't have a "theme" - like motherhood or food or politics. But I know other blogs that don't really have a theme either and they have tons of readers. Like "The Lost Hawaiian." She just blogs about what's going on in her life, and she has readers from all over the country and even the world. She recently suggested it might be time to retire the blog, and people came out of the woodwork begging her to keep writing. I'm not sure anyone I don't know personally ever even reads mine. Clearly I'm not as entertaining as she is.

So, is this just to have my own little soapbox? Because I could just vent to J if that's the case. I thought people might be engaged by different topics or enjoy getting a shout-out and get a laugh out of some of my stories. But I don't think I really grab anyone's interest. And I guess I can just keep up with people via Facebook, so I don't really need this as some kind of vehicle for keeping in touch with people. So, maybe I'm the one who ought to hang up her keyboard.

It's okay. Really.

Isn't it a nice feeling when you reach the point in your life when you realize there is no perfection? It lifts such a burden. In so many ways, it takes a weight off of you. I've had occasion over the last couple of days to think about this, and I think it's a relief from several perspectives.

1. You aren't perfect, and you never will be, so quit torturing yourself with insecurity about all the myriad ways you don't measure up. No one else does either. And in the end, no one would want to be around you if you WERE perfect, because they would always feel like they didn't measure up, so your imperfection - your humaness - in the end makes you more approachable and easier to be with. People are relieved when they can be their imperfect selves with you. So, be the best that you can be, but don't be afraid to say, "Here are my quirks and my imperfections. Can you love me anyway?" The ones who say, "YES!" are the ones you really want around.

2. No one else is perfect either. Know going into any relationship - one with a lover, a friend, or even a workmate - that they will not be *exactly* what you want in every possible way. It's simply not reasonable to ask it or expect it, and it's not fair to beat the other person up when they fall short of what you wish they were.

Instead, see them as they are and accept them for who they are. Let them know what you can and can't live with and see if you can find a relationship with them that really works for both of you - not one where either of you has to pretend to be something you're not or has to hide who you are, but one where you can each be yourself and any adjustments you make in your behavior or attitudes to account for the other person's feelings or sensibilities are not sacrifices, but considerations. We all must be true to ourselves, but it's also a mark of strength when you can be flexible and considerate of someone else - when you know what battles are worth fighting and which ones aren't.

3. Not only are people not perfect, neither are situations, jobs, events, etc. It's okay if your job gets boring sometimes, or your flowers weren't exactly right at your wedding, or your cat threw up on the couch. It's okay. If you get way more from something than the irritation costs, let go of the imperfection and concentrate on all the things that work about it. Do you like your job - does it work for you and your life? Did anyone even notice that the flowers weren't right, and more importantly, did you get married and have fun at the reception? Do you like your cat? Then it's all good. Don't ruin something that works by focusing on the few small things that in your fantasyland would be different.

I like to think that if you *know* going in that no person, situation or event will be perfect, you take away all the power of imperfection. It doesn't surprise you when you find a flaw (or someone finds one in you), because you already knew there would be one, so you can see it for what it is, in context, without the shock of an unexpected blow or the distorted lens of unfair expectations. And just having the right expectation so often does the lion's share of the work toward making something manageable.

I think understanding that concept and really assimilating it comes with maturity. I'll look at that as a plus as I knock on the door of a new decade in my aging and grimace - after all, I'm probably going to get more practice at embracing my imperfection as I get older, huh? ;)

First 2009 Round Up!

Allright, kids! Let's get this 2009 party bus on the road with a little Round Up. Lots goin' on!

1. First and foremost, you're welcome. Everytime Angela and I watch a UT bowl game together, UT wins (2004 Rose Bowl, 2005 Rose Bowl, 2008 Fiesta Bowl). It's always a nailbiter, but UT pulls it out right at the end for an exciting victory. Angela and Jason hosted "Chili & Longhorns" last night for UT's Fiesta Bowl game against Ohio State, and I think we all saw how that turned out: UT pulling victory from the jaws of defeat with only 16 seconds left on the clock! So, you're welcome. Ang and I will try to do this for you again next year when UT plays for the national championship with Heisman Winner Colt McCoy at the helm.

2. "The government's $1.34 billion coupon program for digital converter boxes ran out of money on Sunday." $1.34 billion dollars, people. $1.34 billion. 1.34 billion DOLLARS. So that people can watch TV without buying new sets. How much did the government spend in the 50s to provide everyone with TVs? Oh yeah - nothing! Because it's not the government's job to make sure we can all watch TV!! There's nothing in the Constitution that says the government should be seizing money from the citizens to give it to people who can't afford the next generation of electronics. It's not the government's job to make sure that all of our entertaiment equipment doesn't become obsolete. If so, then I want the government to buy me a Blu-Ray DVD player. And I'd like it to buy back my VCR. And all those people who bought Beta players in the 80s should have gotten a little taxpayer money. And why hasn't the government bought me an iPod? Oh, and I don't have GPS in my car, so the government should take care of that little matter immediately. It's beyond ridiculous that the government took money from my paycheck when we're in a RECESSION to give it to people so they don't have to shell out $40 for a converter box. What's next? Using my hard-earned dollars to bail out companies left and right for making terrible business deals? Oh yeah...

3. I just saw "The Good Shepherd" via Netflix this past weekend. Great movie! And man, I really like Matt Damon (I know, Laurie...I know...)! That guy picks the most interesting movies, and he's really got range. From "The Talented Mr. Ripley" to "The Bourne Identity" movies to "The Good Shepherd" - you just know when you see his name on something that he and it are going to be good. He really is great. He's kind of like Tom Hanks - not the best looking guy on the screen, but he's so good and has such range and he makes such good choices, and he never does anything in his personal life that makes you want to punch him, so you just can't not like him! I hope he'll have the kind of long-term career Tom Hanks has.

4. Pei Wei's pad thai is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Just thought I'd let you know in case you hadn't tried it.

5. There was something this weekend that I remember telling J, "I'm blogging about that!" But I've forgotten what it was.

6. Why do the directions on Yahoo Maps, Google Maps, MapQuest, etc., all suck so bad? The last three times J and I have used them, we've gotten lost. Give me a good old-fashioned map any day.

Okay, that's a start! Hope that gives you something to comment on!

Off we go!

So, 2009 is officially under way! I've got a good feeling about this year. I think it's going to be a good one.

I ushered it in with good friends and the fabulous J. We started with great food at Taverna , then took it on over to Speakeasy for a little Dysfunkshun Junction and a whole lotta DJ on the rooftop. We danced 2009 in, enjoying fireworks and mild weather and great company! Then yesterday, I got to spend the entire day watching football in my pajamas - I even gained some much-needed ground in Clint's Bowl Pick 'Em. So I have to say that so far, it's my best year yet! ;)

As far as resolutions, I only have one, and it's one that J and I made jointly on New Year's morning (and by morning, I mean the wee hours, just before drifting off to sleep). The resolution for this year: to make 2009 the best year ever. Maybe that's one I can stick to! :)

Happy New Year!

May you ring in 2009, and spend it, with someone you love. :)

How about just eating less and exercising?

Everywhere I turn online lately, I see ads for "Oprah's Acai Berry Diet!"

I don't know what an acai berry is, but in case the marketers for this wonder fruit hadn't heard, Oprah recently announced that she now weighs in at 200 pounds. If I were looking for a diet, I probably wouldn't choose the one Oprah is on.

(Note: I went to search for a photo of the ads I've been seeing to include it on here, and somehow I stumbled on an ad/blog promoting colon cleansing. It included a photo of what "might be in your colon" if you're not cleansing. It was so disgusting I had to stop searching for photos, lest I accidentally land on another such image. What's wrong with people?)

Happy Holidays, punks.

So, J and I made an unpleasant discovery yesterday. The wind was blowing pretty badly, and we thought we heard some stuff flying around outside. He looked out the window and saw that two of the slats in my gate had broken off at the top. Sheeeeeesh, we thought! That's *some* wind!

I then went outside and discovered that one of the posts on my fence had also broken, and the fence was swaying in the wind. That fence cost me $1800 six years ago and has been absolute crap. My father has had to shore it up every year in one place or another with long bolts, and the stretch that was swaying yesterday is one of the last sections that my dad hasn't had to secure, so I wasn't surprised.

As I'm looking at the fence, though, I spot something on ground near the gate. It was the solar screen from the window by the gate. It was on the ground and twisted on one side, and the two pieces of broken-off slat from the gate were under it. "Good grief!" I'm thinking. "What's going on out here?" But my immediate concern is the fence since the whole thing is just swaying now, like it's going to come down.

I go in and tell J, and he grabs his tools, and we go out and secure the fence, at least temporarily. We also bring the screen in to look at it. It's fixable, so he bends it back and replaces it. But the more we think about it, somethin' ain't right.

We look at the gate. The broken pieces were inside the fence, but you know what? They broke off the other way. And the gate is pulled out by an inch or more at the bottom. We look closer at the screen. There's a thumb mark. Shit. This wasn't wind damage - someone tried to break in.

J called the cops, and a really cool deputy came out. He verified that it was an attempted break-in - he pointed out some other evidence that we hadn't noticed, and he said that there had been a rash of break-ins in the cul-de-sac around the corner. He said he had some suspects, but the other people hit wouldn't press charges, including one lady who had been hit multiple times. I know this lady - she doesn't speak English, and to be honest, I'm surprised she even called the cops. J told him that we'd press charges if they caught anyone, though. Here's the best part about the damage to my gate: the gate on the other side was unlocked. Idiots. Criminals and idiots - great combination.

So, we'll be stepping up our safety precautions around the casa. We're not sure what scared the punks away from actually breaking into the house after they'd already damaged it and started their attempt to break in, but whatever it was, hopefully it's permanent and they won't try here again. We'll keeping a vigilant eye out, though, and we'll be making sure the new house has an alarm system installed before we move in there. Too bad that bad people force us to live in wired fortresses, isn't it?

Christmas cards

If I've blogged before about this, I apologize (I'm far too lazy to actually go look and see if I have). On second thought, I don't apologize, because the fact that I need to blog about it again means I must not have gotten through to everyone the first time, so really, it's your own fault that I'm blogging about it again. If I've already blogged about it.

I'm talking about Christmas cards. I send Christmas cards every year, and I enjoy getting them. I love the letter kind where people tell you about their year, and I also really like the kind with photos. (Though I'll admit right now, I've been bad about not sending either of those kind in the past myself.) Christmas cards are one of those "touching base" kinda things where you can stay in touch with people you don't keep up with otherwise - not even on a blog or Facebook. It's a "Hello! I still remember you exist!" and "This is what I look like now!"

Except that I've found that for most people, it's *not* a "This is what I look like now!" It's a "This is what my kids look like now!" Here's the thing about that. Unless I have a relationship with your kids, I'm way more interested in how YOU look. YOU are the one I know, not your kids. I know your kids exist, and a *family* picture showing you and your kids is interesting - I like to see if I can spot resemblances and it helps me remember your kids aren't toddlers anymore. But if the only photo you send is of your kid, I gotta tell you, I'm disappointed. When I see that photo, all I'm really wondering is what YOU look like - you...my friend...the person I know.

So, I'll make you a deal. Next year, I will try to send a card with a photo that has ME in it, and you send a card with a photo that has YOU in it. I may even get crazy and try to write a letter to go with mine. But that's not part of the deal - that's just a thought I'm having now, with 364 days to go until next Christmas. The deal just includes the photo. And yes, the photo must be recent.

Merry Christmas, everbuddy!

I won't be posting for a couple of days, so I'll leave you with another video clip from a classic Christmas movie (my definition of "classic" may be different from yours): Christmas Vacation.

Enjoy, and have a great Christmas, everyone!

That's what I get for exercising.

Interesting weekend, weather-wise around here. We hit 80 on Saturday, followed by a high in the 40s on Sunday! Craaaaazy. Luckily, we had warning that this is how it would be, so Saturday, J and I decided to get in a bike ride down by the lake before the cold hit.

We biked down the Town Lake trail, checked out the cool pics that are now part of the bridge along 1st Street (FINE - call it Cesar Chavez if you will, but when it was 1st Street, people knew where it was), headed back to the East side where we had parked, then decided to ride past our new house. That's where it all went wrong.

There are rail tracks around that area, and I had ended up kind of among them. I knew that I should get clear of them, but was watching for a spot where there wasn't a gap between the rail and the pavement - minimize the chance of catching my tire in the tracks. J, apparently, had the same concerns. I heard him say something to me and thought he was telling me to turn onto the street we were passing. So, I turned abruptly...right into a groove between the rail and pavement.

My wheel caught, stopping my bike while my body continued forward. I managed to jump clear of the bike as it went down, stumbled forward for what seemed like about 50 steps, then just as I thought I might have my feet under me, my torso pitched forward, and I had no choice but to put my hand down to catch myself. Few things feel as awesome as skin on pavement. If you'd like to check it out yourself, some of mine is still there, down around 3rd Street and Pedernales.

I ended up scraping the crap out of the lower part of my palm and jamming my middle finger on my left hand. It could've been far worse, but that's been enough to cause some discomfort the last couple of days. I think we're all relieved to know that even with my hand all banged up, I can still play my bass, though. We had rehearsal yesterday. The show must go on, you know. :) Oh, and for the record, J wasn't telling me to turn. He was telling me I shouldn't be riding in the rail tracks. Irony, right? (Yes, Alanis Morrisette - that's what irony is. Not rain on your wedding day.)

Anyway, this was on top of banging my head into a cabinet door when I sneezed the other day, so I think I may have some sort of self-destructive streak in my subconscous that I'm unaware of. Or possibly someone has voodoo-dolled me. I find that uncharitable, especially at Christmastime. Santa's gonna be leavin' someone some coal.

Almost forgot...

It's Friday! I'm so busy rambling on about my NEW HOUSE, I forgot that it's video Friday. In honor of next week's festivities, here's a little sumpin from one of my favorite holiday movies. Let's get excited, people!!

Santa's bringin' me a house for Christmas.

So, as if I didn't have enough going on this holiday season, I've completely lost my mind and decided to buy a house. Yes, I already have a house. No, I'm not selling the one I already have. No, I'm not kidding. Let me explain.

Last May, I put my house on the market, with the intention of buying a house closer in to town. I love my current house, but it's kind of in the middle of nowhere and it's not turning out to be the investment I had expected it to be when I bought it six years ago. At the time, it seemed like a good gamble. It was in the only area of town that really had any room for growth, and there was a brand new tollway coming in only a couple of miles away, and it was a fantastic house for the price. I figured I'd have it about two years, and then I could sell it for a profit and move up/in.

The problem is, they kept building more new houses (meaning I was competing against brand new houses with builder incentives), but they didn't build any of the infrastructure I expected - more roads in and out, a grocery store, etc. There's been a *little* of that - a traffic light installed, the road widened by the elementary school around the corner - but overall, it's the same remote kind of setup it was when I bought. So, the value hasn't increased. In fact the appraisal is less than I paid. Not cool.

So, I decided to sell and see if I could at least break even and try again in a more optimistic location. And then the market crashed. Before I even got an offer, I was competing against foreclosures. After 5 months on the market, I never got an offer. So, I took it off.

But all this time, I was watching the listings in the area I wanted to move to. I figured I'd try again in the spring. Until a week ago. I had seen a house worth watching get listed the week before. I added it to my stack. Then last week it suddenly dropped in price. Like a lot. Like...I could buy the place and still keep the one I'm in. Hmmm...

The next day we're looking at the outside and calling Realtors. The next day we're in it, looking around. The next I'm making an offer. The next the offer is accepted. The next we're calling inspectors, insurance people, filling out mountains of paperwork. Bottom line, here we are a week later, with every indication that I will very soon have a new house, 8 minutes from my job, and be looking for someone to rent my other house until the market comes back enough for me to sell without losing my shirt. CRAZY!!!

Luckily, I have several friends who are doing exactly what I'm about to do, so I have lots of people to lean on for advice about renting out my house and renovation, etc. And as fast as it's all going, it also feels like it's all been going on since May, so it doesn't really feel as fast as it sounds. It's just a little different from how I first expected it to play out. But I'm excited, and I really think it's going to all work out very well!

So, wish me luck that all the t's get crossed and the i's get dotted and I will soon have lots of DIY posts to bore you with!

I do not trust the calm.

Have you ever been in such a whirlwind of activity that when it finally backs off, even if just for a day, you feel a little lost - like you should be working on something frantically (as you have been for days), but you're not sure what? Yeah. Me too.

The last week has been absolutely crazy for me. Holiday stuff, and some medical stuff, and a big project, and an unusually busy workload - I've just barely made it through each day, checking and re-checking to make sure nothing important slipped through the cracks. And then today, I get to the office, start looking around me, and nothing is on fire. I have some stuff to do, but it's actually manageable. And while today will be long - a social engagement right after work means I won't get home until late in the evening - it doesn't look like it's going to be as overwhelming as the last week has been. The pace is actually something approaching normal, as opposed to a tornado inside a hurricane, like every other day for the past week.

I can't be sure that it won't all start back up again before the day is over or by tomorrow. But at least there's been this morning. I think I'll double-check my daytimer again, just to make sure I haven't forgotten something vital...

Why you gotta make me go "grrrr"?

So, I was all determined to write a happy post today. I had a good weekend. I got to spend time with my favorite boyfriend, got to sleep in, got to have dinner with my friend Sheila at a great little SoCo restaurant I'd never been to before. I did my nails. I finished my Christmas decorating. It's all good, right?

Then I went out to lunch to do some Christmas shopping, and right in front of me at a red light, the guy in the car ahead of me opens his driver's side door and empties his entire nasty-ass car ashtray in the street! Just dumped his trash all over the road! Boy, that ticked me off.

The street is not a Dumpster. If you want to live in a nice place, you have to treat where you live nicely. You can give some people the nicest car on the lot, and they will have it banged up and smelling bad before it's off the lot. You could give them a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and they will park on the lawn (I know because I used to see it all the time in my neighborhood when it was BRAND NEW). You could give them a beautiful, clean city, and they will spraypaint graffiti all the over the walls and break bottles and throw their cigarette butts in the street. And then you know what they'll do? Complain because the place is a dirty and run-down - it's somehow the world's fault instead of their own that they're vomitting in their own bed (and I chose the nicer term there, just FYI).

I hate litter. I hate graffiti. I hate destruction for the sake of it. This is a beautiful city. And it's a privilege to live here. If you want to throw garbage on the ground/floor/street, do it inside your own house, and admit that you don't think you deserve anything better. But don't ruin the beautiful atmosphere here for the rest of us, who actually appreciate our lovely city and make an effort to preserve its beauty. Like our lungs, we like our streets clean.

Grrrr! (This is not to be confused with Mike Straka's GRRR! column on FoxNews.com. But "Grumble." didn't have the same impact.)

Naughty Christmas Video Friday!

I put "naughty" in the title so no one would be confused or say they weren't warned. Let me reiterate, this video is not for kids. It's not porn - it aired on broadcast television, but it aired on SNL, at night, after the kiddos would be in bed, so it's grown-up hilarity. So, if that's something that bothers you, don't push play on the video. Have we all been warned? We're not going to send chastising, blame-filled comments about how I ruined anyone's day, weekend or Christmas season? Good. Then, let's get to it.

I'll call this one an oldie but a goodie, though it's only a couple of years old. I think it's one of the first things that Justin Timberlake did for SNL showing what a great sense of humor he has. It's a spoof of his old boy-band 90s music days, and it's all about a "special" kinda Christmas present.

So, as you finish up your Christmas shopping and plan for the big day coming up in a week and a half, just remember to beware if your man doesn't have to use his hands to carry his gift to you. And unwrap it carefully.

Valkyrie

Tom Cruise has a new movie out. It's called Valkyrie, and it's based on a true story - about an attempted assassination of Hitler during World War II.

I'm kind of a WWII buff, so I know the story, and it's a good one. So, I'd like to see a movie about it. The only problem is that I don't really like Tom Cruise, and the trailer I saw the other day made me purse my lips. It showed Tom and some compatriots discussing the plan for the assassination attempt, and someone says they need someone to carry it out, and Tom's character says, "I'll do it" in a very resolute tone.

I told J that the thing that bugs me is that I think Tom actually sees himself as that guy. I think he actually believes that he could single-handedly save the world, if necessary, and that he would, in fact, step up resolutely to plant the bomb to take out the tyrant. I think he thinks of himself as a bit of a superhero. And that makes it hard for me to watch him. He's a great actor, but when I think he's kind of just playing himself, or rather how he sees himself, well...it makes my lips purse.

Brad Pitt doesn't really do anything for me, and I tend to think he takes himself a little too seriously, but then he shows a sense of humor about his roles, like in "Burn After Reading" or even with "Ocean's Eleven" and I like him better. And I can't stand Sean Penn on a personal level, but he's an amazing actor who takes on a wide variety of roles that aren't just a reflection of who he thinks he is, so I can lose myself in his performance. I can forget that I loathe him in real life and just go for the ride because his characters are diverse and interesting and he's so great.

But lately Tom just kind of plays the same guy all the time - the hero. Or maybe it just feels that way. And since I kinda think that's who he thinks he is, and I don't, well...I just can't enjoy it as much. And that sucks since I'd really like to see a well-done adaptation of the Valkyrie story.

To speaker or not to speaker. There is no question.

So, I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office today when I heard a phone ring loudly. It's a large waiting room, serving several doctors, and there were quite a few people waiting, and I was all the way at the end away from the reception desk, so I was pretty sure it wasn't the switchboard phone I was hearing. But whoever's phone it is, they weren't answering. After an eternity, one of the other patients finally answers - it was his cell phone.

The call was from Sprint. It was a courtesy call to see if the phone owner needed anything. I know this because the patient answered the phone IN SPEAKER MODE. Yes - like a Nextel, more popularly known as The Most Annoying Phone Ever.

Not to all speakerphone users: none of the rest of us want to hear your conversation. We really don't. It's not only boring, it's annoying. And with the thing on speaker, you're yelling. I promise you, you're talking louder than you would if you were holding the phone to your ear/mouth.

Now, I'm all about cell phones. I'm not one of those people who wrings my hands and spouts off about how I wish I didn't have to have one, but I need it for safety purposes or work purposes or some other excuse. I love my cell phone. I feel naked if I leave home with out it accidentally. Nextel walkie-talkie style communication, however, is an abomination. It's audal rape. I'm forced against my will to listen to your conversation - both sides.

So, here's the rule: If you're in the privacy of your car or some other non-public space, talk on speaker to your heart's content. But if you're in public, either answer your phone in private mode, where you can keep your voice down and those around you don't have to listen to the Sprint guy asking you if there's anything you need or your wife giving you a grocery list or your co-worker asking how the thingamajig fits the whosits joint on the gefeltefish machine, then just send the call to voice mail and return it later when you're not in a waiting room, restaurant, movie theater, bus or place where people around you can't just walk away while you yell into the receiver. Trust me - people will like you better.

Do you haiku?

A haiku for my experiences today at Thundercloud and 7-Eleven:

Behind the counter
Just make my sandwich or change
Transaction, not date

BCS: Big Crock of Sh....

I heard someone ask a good question this weekend. They wanted to know when they "C" was added to BCS.

Someone also suggested that the Big 12 Championship game this year should have been called the "Teams Texas Has Already Beaten Bowl."

What a complete load of stinking, steaming garbage the standings are. And Bob Stoops needs to just shut the f up and go play his unearned national championship berth (let me rephrase that - he should just shut up and go get his ass handed to him by Florida), because every time he tries to justify why Oklahoma is there instead of Texas, it just sounds even more ridiculous than the last time he tried to justify it and makes me hate him even more. I know - who knew that was even possible?

When the season is said and done, everyone is going to be standing there saying that Oklahoma never should've been in that game. Mark my words. What's going to happen on the field is going to prove that Texas is the better team (as we already proved on the field in Dallas in October) and that the BCS got it wrong. AGAIN.

Get a damn clue, college football. The BCS doesn't work. Too many teams have been screwed by it, and no one believes in it anymore. Who are we kidding - no one has EVER believed in it! Get a playoff system in place, and let's do this right.

As far as the other bowl games that got scheduled, I'm not thrilled with some of the matchups. Some look good, but games I would've liked to have seen:

BYU vs. Texas Tech
Texas vs. Alabama
Penn State vs. Utah

Birthday wishes...

to my friend Laurie! Laurie is one of those special people that you cannot know and not love. That's alotta nots. Let's say it simpler: To know Laurie is to love her. It's just a fact!

So, here's to one more year of fabulousness Laurie! I hope that this year is filled with all the happiness you can stand, and I look forward to celebrating your existence tomorrow night! :)

Another TV post

This one will be much shorter than yesterday's. I just want to know if anyone else out there is loving Fringe as much as J and I are?

That show is great! I love the guy who used to play Pacey on Dawson's Creek (Joshua Jackson), but I think the guy who really makes the show is Walter, the mad scientist. The actor who plays Walter (John Noble) is fantastic! He's really created a great character - or should I say that the writers created a great character and Noble has brought him to life. I gotta figure that the process takes both parts for the character to really work - good writing and a good delivery.

In any case, Walter is awesome. You never know what's going to come out of his mouth, and you find yourself hanging on every word just in case a gem pops out. His random comments are hilarious and it cracks me up how he just can't seem to learn his assistant's name (Astrid), so he just calls her "Miss" now. I particularly liked the episode where he kept calling her Astro. But that's the Jetsons lover in me. And Peter's reactions to Walter's ramblings are always perfect.

And all of that is separate from the really cool storylines. I'm not even a big sci-fi lover, and I love this show. So, if you haven't checked it out, you should! Do yourself a favor, though, and catch up on previous episodes via the web. The whole season is online, and you'll enjoy the show more if you know the backstory.

So check it out!

The Frats are in the finals??? WHAT???

Well, I really can't believe how this week's Amazing Race turned out. It's just unbelievable that the Frats can still be in this thing. They have to be one of the worst teams to ever run this thing, and I'm just staggered they've survived. But let's talk about how they pulled it off this week.

Cab it to a Russian submarine. As always, teams are at the mercy of their cabbies, and all but one team ended up on the submarine at the same time. Considering the size of a submarine, it's a little suprising they all ended up in the same room getting their clues at pretty much the same time, but so goes it.

Cab it to the Graveyard of Fallen Monuments for a Roadblock. What a weird place, huh? I mean, what's the deal? If some monument gets replaced, the old one goes to this park? Are they afraid if they destroy a likeness of Lenin or Stalin, the old psychos will return to haunt them? How about if they just called it Graveyard of Monuments to Tyrants? In any case, J and I agreed that I'd have rocked at this Roadblock. I know what Lenin and Stalin look like and I have an eye for detail, so I think I would've gotten through this quickly.

During this Roadblock is where Toni and Dallas made their fatal mistake. Dallas held all the passports and money for his team, which he managed to leave in a cab. This happened not because Dallas is a moron, because anyone could be moving fast and focused on the task and leave something behind. This happened because Toni and Dallas broke an absolute tenet of traveling in a foreign country. Keep your passport and your money ON YOU. And with the money, DIVIDE IT UP.

Don't let anyone carry your passport for you, and don't carry it in a bag or anywhere it could fall out or get left somewhere. Keep it on your person. And with money, never have one person holding it all, and never have your entire stash in one spot. Put some in your pocket, some in your shoe, some wherever you've stashed your passport. If you've got a safe at your hotel, put some of it in there. If you have a bag and you want your money in it for easy access, then fine, but only put a portion of it in there for precisely the reason of what happened to Dallas. If you have all of your valuables in one spot, it could be breached or lost and you're screwed. So like your investments, spread it around.

I'm pretty sure it was this error that cost Toni and Dallas the game, though I suppose if they hadn't made the error of taking the metro to the Shetland pony lady (see below), they probably could've passed Dan and Andrew and finished ahead of them. But I also think the time they spent begging for money to get the places they needed to go cost them too much time. Though I must comment on how amazingly generous all the people in Russia were. I maintain it's the cameras - people know it's a TV show and that the players aren't just some cons or vagrants, so they're more willing to give up some cash to the cause. Plus they want to look good on camera. They're afraid they'll look like jerks saying no. In any case, though, T&D seemed to have little trouble getting money from strangers. But just having to take the time to ask cost them.

An observation about the book shop part of this task. When Tina guessed the right number and then told Dallas the answer and proceeded to tell him he owed her, then bragged to Toni about giving him the answer, did anyone feel like they were back at the airport in the early part of the season when she bragged to everyone that she'd gotten the airline to give them a bigger plane? That woman is SO annoying! She can't do anything without needing credit, and then she had the balls to complain that Ken never says anything supportive when he's constantly building her up, and I have yet to hear her acknowledge any of the good things he does. She never cheers him on or tells him he did a great job or anything. It's just pretty much a constant stream of nagging.

Travel to park and find lady with Shetland pony. Starr didn't know a Shetland pony was a real horse. She thought it might be a ponytail. Seriously, Starr? This is where the Frats had to do their extra task. It involved dancing. I'm suprised Andrew didn't kill himself trying to dance considering his marching performance.

Detour: Ride the Lines or Ride the Rails. I think I would've picked Ride the Rails, because I do love-a the subway, though I admit I'd have been intimidated by the Cyrillic writing everywhere. It would have been easy to make a mistake. And there's a fair chance I would've eaten the samsa, so I hope the clue was clear that you had to give it to the lady at the end to get your next clue.

Travel from DKNY Park, I mean VNDKh Park, to the Pit Stop. Nick and Starr easily cruise to the Pit Stop first and win yet another trip. I think these two are definitely the favorites to win the whole thing. The Frats came in *second* (staggering, I tell you) because Ken and Tina couldn't find the cluebox (I'm sure it was all Ken's fault, right Tina?). J and I hoped that Dallas and Toni might get there before they found it because while we like Ken, we can't stand Tina, but no such luck. They were just too handicapped without their money and passports.

They had a pretty amazing experience, though, and won and extra trip along the way, so it's all good. It's not a million dollars, but it was a pretty great ride for them, no?

"That's where the baby goes."

That subject line will only make sense to one person. I don't normally resort to inside jokes here on the blog, but bear with me.

I found the following webcam today. J, it won't appeal to you, but to the rest of the planet, whose hearts are not frozen, it will be a source of much smiling, as it is a live feed of a gaggle of puppies frolicking and rough-housing and just generally being puppies. It's entertaining just on its face, but it also strikes me in another way.

See, I grew up with just one sibling. Just me and my bro. There were many times that we built forts from lamps and blankets (I still remember the smell of the fire we started), or played board games (It's a natural reaction to pound the board from underneath and send the pieces flying all over the room when you lose, OKAY??) or came up with our own games (like Steamroller, which consisted of me rolling over my brother and him barely noticing, then him rolling over me and stopping when his full weight was crushing me into the floor and me trying to breathe - good times). There were also many times that we each we pretended we were only children, which is a whole other post. On the whole, though, there wasn't much in the way of chaos. It was all pretty manageable for my parents.

J, on the other hand, was one of eight siblings. Eight. Madness, right? How did his parents keep from running away? I do not know. As you might imagine, J has some stories from his childhood, and as I watch these puppies, I have to believe it must be a fair representation of his family home at some point. Am I right or am I right?

Another Amazing Tuesday Recap

So, let's talk about this week's Amazing Race, shall we?

1. Fly to Russia. J and I agreed that Russia would be a cool destination. We'd each like to see it some day. I thought when I saw the instructions, though, that Russia could be challenging race-wise. The language barrier could be a real problem since I wouldn't expect a lot of cabbies and folks on the street to speak English like you might find in other countries. I'm sure Sarah probably speaks Russian - she seemed to speak every other language on this race - but she's gone now.

At the airpot, the Frats had to buy new shoes. J and I still don't understand why they didn't/couldn't just go back to the theater and get their shoes after they'd checked in at the pit stop the day before. If there was some legitimate reason why not, then I agree that they needed something other than slippers to wear the next day, but I'm not sure blowing as much as they did on the shoes from the airport was their only option. The sandals they saw in the store would've worked and weren't they cheaper? Those guys just do not make good decisions.

Travel to the monastery. As often happens with flights, the teams all ended up on the same flight, meaning they basically started off even once they hit the ground in Moscow. As usual, the cabbies made all the difference. That's one of J's frustration with the race is that so much depends on the cabbies you get. The cabbies did spread the teams out as some teams arrived faster than others at the monastery.

Detour: Boots or Borscht. You could probably say alot about this Detour, but honestly nothing is more noteworthy than Dan's complete inability to march. I've never seen anything like it! I mean...it's marching. You just walk and swing your arms. Sure, there's a little kick-out with your leg, but it's really not more complicated than that. J said he'd have thought the guy was making fun of them, except that a million dollars is on the line, so you know he's not - he wouldn't waste the time! I said it reminded me of the Elaine dance on Seinfeld. It was jaw-dropping just how bad he was. And WOW did they waste a lot of time.

Deliver flour. After the Detour, teams had to head to a bakery and unload flour bags. J immediately didn't like the bakery lady. She was pretty unpleasant. I think J would've punched her in the mouth if she'd talked to him the way she did Nick. Hey, man - I'm not condoning violence, I'm just telling you how it would be.

That task would've been really physically exhausting. J and I pondered if there was any strategy you could get going to make it go faster or easier, but in the end, we decided it would just be brute force. Just do it. Get a rhythm going and just keep going until you're done. I was impressed with Andrew's performance on this task considering how horrendous he'd been at the marching. Dallas and Ken were rock stars on this one, though. I think Nick got a little comeuppance in this leg of the race, which he deserved after being a little arrogant when they won the last leg.

I liked seeing Dallas and Toni win the leg. They're a good team. I truly can't believe Andrew and Dan were spared again, though. Nothing but a non-elimination round could've saved them, and that's what happened. Oh well. They live to race for one more week. Surely they'll be gone in the next round. I don't dislike them, but they really are terrible racers - it's just staggering they're still around.

"God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

Well, it's almost turkey day - just a few more days to go! I am very much looking forward to a couple of days off with my loved ones - just food, football and people I love. Good times!

I thought I'd share a little holiday humor from my youth with you. Not that I want my blog to become just a constant stream of my favorite videos, but this is just classic for anyone who grew up in the 80s. One of my favorite shows was WKRP in Cincinnatti, and they had a Thanksgiving episode that anyone who watched it will never forget. If you've never seen it, it's a little on the cruel side, but if you've seen it before, you know that the station manager in a later scene is just beside himself about making a very, very stupid mistake about turkeys. You can probably guess from my subject line what the mistake was. Knowing that doesn't ruin the humor of this scene, though, which primarily rests on the delivery of the actor playing Les Nessman. That character was just gold. Take it away, Les!

Cartoon Excellence Friday!

Okay, I got no feedback whatsoever on the Space Ghost cartoon last week. I may try another episode of that with you guys later, but for now, let's try something else.

Another little gem that I used to watch on Adult Swim was a cartoon called Home Movies. The main character was a kid named Brendan who made movies with his two best friends. He wrote scripts and they acted them out and filmed them with his camcorder. The cartoon was basically about these kids and their lives, and you usually saw footage from their movies, but there were peripheral characters that also sometimes took center stage. It sounds kind of boring, but it was actually really well done, with great characters, and you could imagine being these kids and making the movies yourself when you were a kid (we didn't have camcorders when I was a kid, but my friends and I dressed up all the time and had imaginary worlds - we played Charlies Angels alot as I recall...but I digress).

The clip I picked for today actually centers on one of the peripheral characters - the kids' soccer coach, Coach McGuirk. I freakin' love this character. He's hilarious! Even though the kids aren't as present in this episode, you get a real sense of the humor of this show. I hope you like it!

In my email...

The Heart Hospital of Austin would like to recruit me as a Respiratory Therapist. I am not a respiratory therapist. Nor do I play one on TV. I could, however, use one about now. The evil that is my cold will not abate.

Finally, the Amazing Race recap

Okay, it's taken me a few days, but let's talk about The Amazing Race!

This week was a great pleasure for me. The Divorcees being gone was really nice, and I couldn't have been happier with the outcome. But let's take it step by step.

First leg, fly to Kazakhstan. There is only one reason in the world that this country was included in this race. Borat. No one on the planet would know that country existed if not for that guy, so I really think they ought to be providing him with some kind of lifetime stipend, just as a thank you. That aside, the main storyline of this leg seemed to be the growing flirtation between Starr and Dallas. Seeing as the race is almost over, I can't get too invested in that, so whatevuh. It's a little late in the game to be trying to build that into too much.

Chicken factory. This was another one of those times where the task made their various flight times pretty much a moot point. They all just caught up to one another, regardless of the flights they took, because the factory didn't open until 7:30. That's got to be frustrating for the teams in the lead. The Roadblock with the chickens didn't look too bad. I'm sure the smell was atrocious, though. I drove by a chicken factory once and almost gagged, and these people were right in among the animals. No one mentioned that though.

This is also where the Fast Forward came into play. As soon as they said what it would be, I told J that Terence would never make it. I laughed in triumph as he pussed out and finally gave up. Here's the thing about that challenge. If you're a vegetarian, then be committed to that. Tell your racing partner before you ever start the race that you're not going to do any eating challenges involving meat. So if that comes up, you guys know immediately to bail or get some kind of alternate game plan. Don't sit there talking about how you haven't eaten meat in 15 years, vacillating about doing it, then abandon what is supposedly a principle for you, then gag and whine through it, wasting time, until you eventually say you can't do it. They weren't in any real danger of losing this leg, so the Fast Forward wasn't that important for them, but he sat there wasting time and whining like always and didn't even finish.

At one point, Sarah said "No one is tougher than us!" And J and I both said, "No one is tougher than YOU, Sarah. Everyone is tougher than Terence." I loved how both of the girls finished their plates first. And for the record, I probably wouldn't have been as tough as both of those girls. I might have been able to finish if I had to, for a million bucks, but I wouldn't have been the first one finished. The eating challenges would definitely be my Achilles heel in The Amazing Race!

Crane trucks to Mongol warriors. What was that about anyway? Crane trucks? Those eagles were *beautiful* though! Very impressive.

Detour: Play Like Mad or Act Like Fools. I'm suprised that not one team attempted the Play Like Mad. The cow thing was cute, though. You could have a lot of fun with that, as Dallas did. He and his mom really do work together well. It was an interesting comparison seeing how they managed the costume and getting around versus Tina and Ken. As usual, she just seemed to boss him around. I laughed when she kept screwing up. I really don't see how that guy can choose to stay with her when this is all over. She doesn't treat him like an equal partner at all. And I have no idea how Andrew and Dan are still in this thing. I like those guys. They're nice. But they're terrible racers. They really should go out in the next round. It's just wrong if they end up in the finale.

In the end, it was Terence and Sarah that were eliminated this round. It's too bad for Sarah, because she's a good racer. Terence, well, I think we all know how I feel about him. It sounds like they're happy to stay together now that it's over. I should be happy for them, but I really think she could do better. But if she wants to date a whiney girl-man, then I guess she's getting what she wants, so to each his own. Me, I like the J-man.

When it rains, it pours...

and I won't be able to dry my wet clothes. Sorry for yet another delay on the TAR recap, but another fantastic development on the homefront has reared its head. My dryer has gone out.

It's the heating element, and probably I could get it fixed, but this dryer was my parents' dryer a million years ago, and I salvaged it about 10 years ago from this same problem by changing out the heating element, and it seems like maybe it's just time to let this dryer go to that great appliance salvage yard in the sky. I'm not exaggerating that this dryer is probably 40 years old. I'd say 30, but I think that's being generous. J opened up the back yesterday to see if he thought he could fix it, and aside from 10 years worth of dust bunnies, he didn't find much useful back there. It seemed like a lot of work that he wasn't terribly sure of, and in this day and age, I have to ask myself if the thing is even remotely energy efficient. I have to guess not.

So, it's off to Lowe's this weekend for a new, hopefully more energy efficient dryer. I'll do some research online but does anyone have any recent experience with buying a new dryer that they'd like to share? Any suggestions on models to stay away from or ones that they just love? I'm all ears!

I was "that" shopper.

I'll hit you up with a TAR recap tomorrow. First I must confess that yesterday, at the grocery store, I was "that" shopper.

J and I went grocery shopping with a full list, which is of course madness on the Sunday after a payday to begin with. I'm not really sure what we were thinking except that we needed food, and I work a 40-hour a week job trapped in an office, so grocery shopping at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday isn't really an option for me. So, off to HEB we went with our list, chock full "must have" items.

We did pretty well with the actual shopping part. We got a system going where we'd go to a section, find a relatively out of the way spot, then one of us would camp out with the cart while the other would run the gauntlet of other shoppers picking out what we needed from that aisle/section. I'd then cross off the acquired items on the list and figure out what to get next based on what aisles we were coming up. This is all complicated by the fact that I keep a running total of what we're spending - yes, I write down the price of each item we're buying with the new total as each item hits the cart. Anal? Perhaps. But girlfren lives on a budget. I didn't acquire my mansion on the hill and my many show dogs and priceless porcelain whatnots by grocery shopping willy nilly with no idea how much money is flying out of my wallet. (Note: I do not own show dogs. Or that other stuff.)

Anyway, we managed to get all of our items in a reasonable timeframe. And then we went to check out. This is where things went off the rails. I placed all my coupons (yeah, I use coupons - see the statement above about my mansion) on the little check-writing stand where the checkout lady could see them. She scanned everything, then hit total - somehow blindly not seeing all my coupons, even though I'd nudged them at her twice. So, I pointed them out, and she began to scan. Something didn't scan right. This always happens, and the cashiers always just enter it manually and move on. Not this lady. She proceeded to dig through each bag until she found the appropriate item. "You got the wrong size on this conditioner." Awesome.

J said he'd run back and get the right one, because I really did need the conditioner, and I really wanted the $2 off. He jets off, and she continues. Another bad scan. She stops. She asks if we got TWO Old Spice items - yes, we did (I tell her what) - ah, yes, she remembers, so she enters in manually. She continues. Damn it to hell if a third bad scan doesn't come up. "Didn't you want the free 2-liter soda on this coupon?" CRAP! I *did* want that free soda! Aaaargh! And J isn't back yet with the replacement conditioner. "Can I just run and go get it?" Sure.

I'm sure that by now, the guy behind me, who has unloaded all of his stuff onto the conveyer belt, so he's not in a position to go to another aisle, wants to kill me. To his credit, he does not. I ran through the store, grabbed a bottle of soda (caffeine free root beer, so J can also enjoy it), ran all the way back to the check out line. J is back now, holding two small bottles of the original conditioner I'd picked up and one big bottle of conditioner that's a different color. "They didn't have a big one of the kind you wanted." Of course not. I'm in no position to drag this process out any longer, so I say I'll just take the big bottle of whatever he picked up. We finish this ridiculous process, with me swearing to the guy behind us AND the checkout lady, "I promise I'm never this big of a pain in the ass." They don't look convinced.

We finally got out of the store and headed home with our purchases. When I unloaded everything, I noticed that the big bottle of conditioner was, in fact, shampoo. Of course it was. I'm pretty sure it's because the guy behind us in line put a curse on us. Can't say I blame him.

Cartoon excellence

I'm not a huge cartoon watcher, but I have found a few over the years that connect with my funny bone in just the right way. I have a good sense of humor (or so I'm told) - dry and usually quick, and I really enjoy the occasional smart cartoon that plays to that. I'm not talking about the dark stuff or erotica or anime, and I'm not talking about comic books. I'm talking about actual moving cartoons that an adult with a wry wit can appreciate.

So I thought I'd start a new feature here on the blog where I share clips of my favorite cartoons. Some of these first aired on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. They sometimes comes up with some good stuff. They also dole out a lot of crap, though, so I'm by no means a devotee of that block of programming. But there is the occasional gem. Sadly, some of my favorites are no longer running, but the magic of YouTube and the Internet and such means I've been able to track down some of the ones I like best. Hopefully you'll get a kick out of them, too. I may not share an entire episode - just whatever clip of it gives you a good essence of the humor or some particular scene that really cracks me up for whatever reason.

For our first installment, I'll share with you a long clip (12 minutes) - it's the weekend after all, right? This is an episode of the show "Space Ghost Coast to Coast." For those who don't know, "Space Ghost" was a cartoon in the 60s. It was your typical superhero cartoon, where he fights all kinds of supervillains, and I've never seen even a single episode, because I'm not 9. "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" was developed in the 90s. For this fantastically funny show, the creators took the Space Ghost character and gave him a talk show - in space. All of his guests are real, live action actors, musicians, comedians, etc. They appear in a screen next to Space Ghost's desk and he interviews them. Except he's an idiot. And his band leader and producer are both alien slaves that are constantly trying to undermine him. It's genius.

In this episode, Space Ghost's guests are Thom Yorke of Radiohead and Bjork. Bjork is a freak in general, so you can guess that she presents rich material for a comedic mind. Anyway, here is the whole episode, "Knifin' Around" - please to enjoy!

A weekend of nothing...or something

I have nothing to do this weekend. And the prospect makes me giddy.

I really love my busy life. I love all the social things I do, and the band, and my family, and my side projects, but sometimes, you just really need a couple of days where there's *nothing* on the agenda. If you wanted to just sit in front of the TV all day and watch a Bones marathon or doze to a constant stream of college football, you could do that.

Not that you have to be a lump. Maybe this weekend we'll go to a movie. Or I'll finally re-edit the vacation DVD I made of my Alaskan cruise with my parents from a couple of years ago. Or I'll cook something extravagant. Or (and this one I'm really hoping for) J and I will bike through the city one morning and have breakfast at Austin Java and then hit the Farmer's Market and daydream about which high-rise condo we want to live in.

It's wide open, people! We could do nothing. We could do something. It's up to us! No obligations. Man, that's nice.

Splish, splash, I am again takin' a bath!

That glorious elixir of life has been restored to me once again! It flows through my toilet and shower and sinks like a river of...wet...water. Yeah, that kinda fell apart at the end there, but you get the point. My house has water again!

I managed to avoid the plumber option thanks to J and his handyman skills and a whole lotta manual labor on his part on a day when he really felt like ass. I thanked him profusely several times, but he didn't really say much in response, so I'm not sure if he was just wiped out or if he's questioning whether my love is really worth muddy plumbing.

I can tell you that his ability to fix what turned out to be a piss-poorly repaired pipe from when the house was BUILT (Yes, that's right, when the house was under construction, the pipe apparently cracked and instead of replacing it, the fantastico construction workers just did a half-ass repair on it, stuck it back in the ground and then threw a bunch of constrution debris in on top of it - like rebar. I'm sure that's recommended by architectural engineers everywhere.), saved me a great deal of time, money, stress and trouble. So, though my personal gratitude didn't seem to carry much weight last night, I will give some very public gratitude now, nonetheless. Outstanding performance must be recognized. So, giant thanks to J for his hard work, brains and brawn. There's is nothing more awesome than a man who can DO STUFF!!!

I need a couch in my office.

It's a mad house at Chez Suzanne right now. I couldn't cover all of it even if I wanted to, and some of it isn't worth giving the time of day because it ain't no thang but a chicken wang and Suzy Q is ready to leave it all in the dust now, but I'll give you the high points of my really busy weekend.

Friday - Wurstfest!! J and I had a way fun time at Wurstfest (as always) with my friends. J is fighting another cold (how much does that suck - two in a row?), but he's a trooper and always up for a good time, so he soldiered through the ick and muck in his head and lungs and powered through with suprisingly robust performances on the conga line, chicken dance AND the hokey pokey. The man is unstoppable!

Our favorite band this year was the Sauerkrauts. The accordian player is a rock stah, and I want to thank Laurie for "dancing" with me (really we just ran back in forth in dance formation and threw each other around in circles). Thank heaven I have friends who love to have fun and don't care if they look stupid. Makes life so much more enjoyable. Ang and Jason, thanks for making the late trek out - it wouldn't have been the same without you (even if we were ships passing in the night)! And Jimmy, I hope it was a happy, happy birthday. Oy, oy, oy!!

Saturday -
1. Football. Yay for a great win by UT. Boo for OSU letting Tech run all over them. That said, if someone has to be ahead of us in the polls, better Tech than A&M or OU. That Leach is an offensive savant people - it was only a matter of time until Tech had a season like this.

2. Really great gig with the band. Again, I must give props to J who was feeling like crap but still managed to give a great show. You are a pro, baby. And the band is sounding tighter with each passing week - some really fun and exciting times are on the horizon!

Sunday -
1. Amazing Race. I'm so very glad the Divorcess are out, and I'm so chagrined they were wearing UT shirts. I grimaced every time they were on screen with those shirts. I think the next time I'll root for to get oustered is Terence and Sarah. I just can't listen to his whining anymore.

2. Water. We all need it right? Then don't go to my house right now. This one is a low point, instead of a high point. I got a knock on the door yesterday afternoon from my neighbor. Seemed a small lake was forming in my yard and the water meter was spinning like a top. Apparently a pipe has burst in my yard - dammit, dammit, dammit. We had to cut the water off at the meter, and J is taking a run at tracking down where the break is and seeing what exactly we're dealing with. Awesome, no? Ugh. I'll keep you posted.

See what I mean? Each one of those could've been a post in itself, and that's just the stuff that's blog-worthy! What a week! Whew. I need a nap just recapping it. Think that would go over with my boss?

In my email...

Shopper's Voice says, "Your opinion could be worth $10,000."

Well, duh.

Oh shhhhhhhhhttt

So, I promised to tell the story of Murphy's great rebellion, but I've had some other things going on and haven't gotten to the blog. However, I'm carving out time for it RIGHT NOW. So here we go.

It's really more fair to call it a great escape than a rebellion. I've had her more than 2.5 years now, and in all that time, she's always been quite content to stick to the confines of my backyard when she goes out for a little "outside time." She's made the occasional foray into the neighbor's yard, but only rarely. The vast majority of the time, she's just chased bugs or acted as sentinal to her territory, in case the neighbor's cat Rosie makes a visit and needs to be schooled.

But a few weeks ago, I noticed her taking an interest in the upper shelf of the potting bench that sits against the back fence. From that perch, you can see the goings on of the ravine and ranch behind my house. This was not good. The ranch is an enormous temptation to a house lion who feels the need to explore the serengeti, and I've already had one cat killed by some sort of mystery predator back there (a snake is my best guess), so if Murph decided to expand her territory to include the ranch, there was gonna be trouble in River City.

Unfortunately, she did just that. Last week, I saw her perched on the shelf, surveying the landscape, then swish! She was gone. Oh. Crap. I ran outside and climbed on the bench. I saw her making her way down the ravine. I ran back inside, put on tennis shoes, then jumped the fence (it would've taken too long to go around) and went after her. She had already disappeared from sight, and I eventually spotted her on the ranch...behind rusty barbed wire. Super.

I climbed over the barbed wire (only discovering later that I'd scratched myself in several places - yay for peroxide and a semi-recent tetanus shot), managed to scoop her up and got her back home, both of us full of burrs. I was not happy. I told J she couldn't be outside unsupervised, if at all, anymore. He agreed.

A couple of days later, he called me, tension in his voice. He had let her out and was watching her, but he looked away for a moment, and when he looked back, she was gone again. After much searching, he finally found her, on the ranch of course. Oh, and by the way, he mentions, he found a baby rattlesnake in the back yard by the trash can. WHAT?? Great. Just great. I had a rattlesnake in the garage once several years ago, but nothing since then. Okay, that's it, I decreed. She doesn't go out anymore AT ALL.

She's not happy about her new confinement, but she'll get used to it. But there's something I may not get used to. I left for work yesterday, and I heard a thumping sound by my right front tire. I pulled over, and I saw something wrapped up in my wheel. What could that...oh, man, are you kidding me? Another snake. I didn't see a rattle on its tail, but it was a young snake, nonetheless. It had apparently crawled up in the wheel to get warm.

It would appear that we're going to have a snake problem on my property this year. Isn't that just fantastico?