I was "that" shopper.

I'll hit you up with a TAR recap tomorrow. First I must confess that yesterday, at the grocery store, I was "that" shopper.

J and I went grocery shopping with a full list, which is of course madness on the Sunday after a payday to begin with. I'm not really sure what we were thinking except that we needed food, and I work a 40-hour a week job trapped in an office, so grocery shopping at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday isn't really an option for me. So, off to HEB we went with our list, chock full "must have" items.

We did pretty well with the actual shopping part. We got a system going where we'd go to a section, find a relatively out of the way spot, then one of us would camp out with the cart while the other would run the gauntlet of other shoppers picking out what we needed from that aisle/section. I'd then cross off the acquired items on the list and figure out what to get next based on what aisles we were coming up. This is all complicated by the fact that I keep a running total of what we're spending - yes, I write down the price of each item we're buying with the new total as each item hits the cart. Anal? Perhaps. But girlfren lives on a budget. I didn't acquire my mansion on the hill and my many show dogs and priceless porcelain whatnots by grocery shopping willy nilly with no idea how much money is flying out of my wallet. (Note: I do not own show dogs. Or that other stuff.)

Anyway, we managed to get all of our items in a reasonable timeframe. And then we went to check out. This is where things went off the rails. I placed all my coupons (yeah, I use coupons - see the statement above about my mansion) on the little check-writing stand where the checkout lady could see them. She scanned everything, then hit total - somehow blindly not seeing all my coupons, even though I'd nudged them at her twice. So, I pointed them out, and she began to scan. Something didn't scan right. This always happens, and the cashiers always just enter it manually and move on. Not this lady. She proceeded to dig through each bag until she found the appropriate item. "You got the wrong size on this conditioner." Awesome.

J said he'd run back and get the right one, because I really did need the conditioner, and I really wanted the $2 off. He jets off, and she continues. Another bad scan. She stops. She asks if we got TWO Old Spice items - yes, we did (I tell her what) - ah, yes, she remembers, so she enters in manually. She continues. Damn it to hell if a third bad scan doesn't come up. "Didn't you want the free 2-liter soda on this coupon?" CRAP! I *did* want that free soda! Aaaargh! And J isn't back yet with the replacement conditioner. "Can I just run and go get it?" Sure.

I'm sure that by now, the guy behind me, who has unloaded all of his stuff onto the conveyer belt, so he's not in a position to go to another aisle, wants to kill me. To his credit, he does not. I ran through the store, grabbed a bottle of soda (caffeine free root beer, so J can also enjoy it), ran all the way back to the check out line. J is back now, holding two small bottles of the original conditioner I'd picked up and one big bottle of conditioner that's a different color. "They didn't have a big one of the kind you wanted." Of course not. I'm in no position to drag this process out any longer, so I say I'll just take the big bottle of whatever he picked up. We finish this ridiculous process, with me swearing to the guy behind us AND the checkout lady, "I promise I'm never this big of a pain in the ass." They don't look convinced.

We finally got out of the store and headed home with our purchases. When I unloaded everything, I noticed that the big bottle of conditioner was, in fact, shampoo. Of course it was. I'm pretty sure it's because the guy behind us in line put a curse on us. Can't say I blame him.