Headline

So, today's headline comes to us from WTVC-TV in Chattanooga, TN:

Drunk 4-Year-Old Steals Christmas Presents

Yup. It's real. Commence with the hillbilly jokes...

I like this guy...

I laughed out loud when I saw this headline today:

"Tube announcer advises passengers to consider shooting themselves"

I read the story, and I have to say, I like the guy's style. In fact, if I'd been in that station when he started his "communication with passengers," I might've hung out in the subway, letting trains pass me by, and just listened for as long as it went on. It's exactly the kind of thing I would've wanted to do if I'd gotten the criticism from my boss that he got, but I wouldn't have had the bollocks.

I lift my hypothetical glass to you, sir!

Blog? What blog?

Three weeks. I haven't posted in three weeks. That's gotta be a record! I can't help it, people. I've been busy!

I was on vacation, then I got back and had to get caught up on life, and then there were a couple of pressing projects that had to be completed, and next thing you know, it's been three weeks and Amazing Race is over and Christmas is around the corner. Whaaaaat?!

I won't bore you with a travelogue of my vacation, and all I can say about Amazing Race is thank heaven the stupid brothers didn't win! Oy. But I do have a comment about something interesting that happened yesterday.

I was at my desk at work, and I heard the BANG! of car accident outside our building. Our building is on the corner at a busy intersection, so it's not a common thing to have accidents out there, but it's not unheard of. My first thought was not to be terribly concerned, but I'll get up in a second and look. But then there was this other bang and this loud, low, metallic scraping sound. Huh?

I looked out the window (I'm on the 6th floor), and on the street below me is an SUV on its roof! I'm staring at the undercarriage of this truck! "Oh my God!" was about what I could manage. I saw a bystander run up to the car and get on her hands and knees to check on whoever was inside. That was the first of the things I saw that bolstered my faith in the goodness of people.

My co-workers and I crowded around the windows and watched things unfold as a crowd gathered outside. People respectfully stayed back as just a couple of folks (including the original good samaritan than ran up to the car) managed the scene until the emergency personnel got there, which only took a few minutes.

Cops showed up and blocked off the street and talked to witnesses, while firefighters stabilized the car then got the occupants out, and EMTs assessed their condition. Turns out there were two people in the car - an older couple. They both could get out and stand, but they eventually put the woman on a backboard and took them both to the hospital (which is right around the corner) in an ambulance. All of the emergency personnel seemed very professional, quick and concerned - more bolstering.

Eventually, a wrecker came out to remove the car from the street. Even the wrecker driver bolstered my opinion of humanity as I watched him carefully position his truck and place chains on the overturned SUV. He seemed to treat the car with respect, understanding that just an hour before, people had been in there - he didn't bang things around or toss things. Then he carefully pulled it upright, and I saw that it wasn't an SUV - it was an extended cab truck. Somehow that affected me - that I couldn't tell what it was until it was turned upright.

In any case, as it was righted, the doors (which no longer closed) flew open, tossing papers and some possessions of the couple into the street. The firefighters ran over and quickly returned most items to the car, cleaning up others with brooms and throwing them away. I wondered if anything important was getting thrown away, and thought about my own car - what's in there and what would get tossed into the street if my car were thrown on its head like that. What would I never get back, and what would other people see, and what would the items tell anyone about me?

My thought whenever I see an accident like that is always, "Someone was just going down the street, running an errand, living their normal life like every other day, and now, suddenly, everything has just been thrown in disarray. Who knows how far-reaching the consequences will be." I try to be thoughtful of what a big event that is to someone - not just rubberneck with curiosity. I wonder today how that couple is doing.

One interesting note is that none of us ever could find the car that hit them. Possibly it was able to the pull through the intersection and park where we couldn't see it. But honestly, none of us knows exactly what happened - what collision occurred that resulted in the scene I saw out my window. That'll drive me a little crazy, won't it?

From five to four

The Amazing Race is officially tight now. This week we started with five teams and now we are four. My thoughts on this week:

Travel to Estonia
The teams had to travel from Stockholm to Estonia by ferry. In true TAR fashion, they left the pitstop starting at 2:23 a.m., but the first ferry didn't depart until 5:45 p.m. Someone please tell me the point of having teams depart the pitstop in the middle of the freakin night when they can't go anywhere until the evening! Really annoying, guys. Annoying.

Estonian monk types
When evening finally came (!), the teams traveled overnight to Estonia where they had to find a building called "Mustpeade" where some sort of brotherhood (monks? Shriners? Who knows - I'm sure they said and I wasn't listening) holds their feasts and meetings and whatnot. They had figure out how to unlock the door, at which point a loud alarm sounded while they pushed open the door. What's the point of the alarm, anyway? Seems like you'd want an alarm if someone is breaking into your lair, but why do you want one when someone is entering using the proper key? Weird.

Anyway, each team had to grab a candelabra with a room number, then go to that room, where they found a scroll. They had to figure out to hold the scroll over the candle to reveal the clue. Oddly, I knew exactly what they were supposed to do as soon as I saw the scroll, but I can't fault Flight Time and Matt for thinking they might need to color the scroll with the crayon to reveal the message. It's not unreasonable. You just have to remember that they wouldn't give you the candelabra if you're not supposed to use it for something.

Pikk Hermann Tower Garden
Dan and Sam got all bent out of shape that the Globetrotters were following them to the tower. Whatever, man. You're going to the same place. What are they supposed to do - purposely go a different way, even if they think you might be right, just so you don't get your knickers in a twist? It's a race and you're all going the same places, you idiot. That means sometimes teams will be following each other!

Serve or Sling
J and I said we'd have done "Serve" because we both play volleyball. Meaghan and Shane clearly play, because they knocked the Detour right out. But J pointed out that it sure would be easy to snap an ankle or knee or something in that bog. You turn one way to get the ball, and your leg doesn't move with you. What got my attention was at the end of the task, Meaghan noted that it smelled bad. I hadn't thought about that! I'd definitely be headin' for the shower after checking in at the Pit Stop!

The fight between the Globetrotters and Brothers got ugly at this point, though. I honestly don't think either team was trying to be dirty. I think the brothers were running to the Pit Stop, and Flight Time was trying to pass them, and there wasn't enough room, and they got tangled up and he and Dan fell. I don't think he *meant* to take Dan down, and I don't think Dan *meant* to push or trip Flight Time. There just wasn't room, and they were slippery from the bog, and they both had arms flailing. But they're mad at each other now, so they're each accusing the other of pushing and playing dirty. It's a shame it's gotten like that between them.

Pit Stop
I was sorry to see Matt and Gary get knocked out. I like them. But they can feel good about how far they got. Top 5 ain't bad! I wouldn't mind seeing the brothers go out at this point. They're on my nerves now. I almost hate to see what the next leg will bring with them and the Globetrotters!

In my email...

This morning, "donotreply@v99d.com" says "I'll give you anything you want."

Wow. Anything? Because that's a pretty tall order. I've got some things I want, and they're not insignificant. No one has made me this offer before, so I think I should seriously consider it.

However, it says "donotreply" (that's "do not reply" for those of us who use the space bar). If I don't reply, how do they know that I accept their offer? And do they already know what I want? I don't like people assuming they know what I want. How can I make sure they know if I can't reply?

What if I end up with something like a Chia Obama or a Snuggie? I suppose the Snuggie might be okay. But it's not *really* what I want. And where will they deliver it? To my office? To my house? Will someone have to sign for it? Because if they use Saturday delivery, and they come to my office, no one will be here to sign.

I think these people need to reconsider the logistics of accomplishing this whole project. I don't think they've thought it through.

Amazing Sweden and its Swedish Swedes

Gonna jump right in on my recap today. Jump with me.

1. Fly to Sweden.
Finally something interesting with regard to the planes on TAR. All the teams didn't end up on the same flight, so the early departing teams actually had an advantage for a change. Of course, they made them leave the Pit Stop at 9:30 at night, and the first flight didn't leave until 6:55 a.m., so for no reason whatsoever, the teams all had to spend the night in the airport. Stupid. Anyway, everyone made it to Sweden, and it was off to the trains.

Some teams were faster than others on the ticket machines for the Stockholm train, but I'm wondering if the machines were complicated or if some were slower than others or if it was just a matter of getting to the machine faster. I couldn't tell from the editing. I also wondered if they were in Swedish only and an English speaker had to just figure out how to use it, but I doubt that. Europeans are pretty good about including English instructions, and I'm sure one of the teams would've mentioned it if there were no English instructions.

2. Amusement park
J definitely would've wanted to do the ride at the amusement park, and I would've wanted him to look for the clue because he's an eagle eye. Everyone got it on the first try, so the arrow must not have been too hard to see.

3. Roaming gnomes and dynamite
Not much to say on this one except I'm impressed that none of the teams left their gnome behind anywhere. I was kind of expecting that - maybe at the dynamite place. Blowing up the dynamite would've been fun, but Meghan was annoying when they were building the sandbag wall. She's so freakin' high strung. I don't know how Cheyne stands it, except maybe in normal life, there isn't so much stress, so he doesn't have to deal with her annoying stressed-out manner that often.

4. Hay bales
I would've killed Dan if he had been my partner on this one. He needed to SHUT UP and let Sam to do the task! If he knew so much about it, he should've jumped in to do it, but he hesitated and let Sam do it, then he pestered him. At first, I thought, "I'd just ignore him." But it was incessant. I'm glad he *finally* realized after a while that he needed to back the hell off.

I'm glad Matt and Gary didn't get eliminated. I like those guys. I don't really hate any of the teams anymore, so I won't jump for joy over any of them getting knocked out at this point, but I think I wouldn't feel any real attachment to Meghan/Cheyne or Sam/Dan getting knocked out. Those are strong teams, though, so we'll see.

In my email...

From "Jobs Needed" the following email appeared: "Immediate Jobs needed For Nursing-No experience Necessary"

So, someone needs an immediate job in nursing? And this person has no experience?

Or someone wants to hire nurses, even if they have no experience, for immediate jobs?

Is this part of the new Obamacare plan?

I don't know, man. While I appreciate that someone is willing to hire me as a nurse without any experience, I think that as a patient, I want my nurses to have experience. That's just me, and maybe it's because I'm getting older and turning into an old fuddy-duddy, but yeah...I'm going to go with experienced nurses for my medical care.

You know what else is needed by "Jobs Needed"? An editor. I have experience, though - does that count against me?

It was only a matter of time.

So, the Netherlands took their toll on some teams in this week's Amazing Race. Let's break it down:

1. Fly to Amsterdam
As usual, a stupid flight schedule made the staggered start times of the teams meaningless. This is really getting old. Any time a flight is involved, you know all the teams are going to catch up to one another, so it just wipes out any progress or advantage any teams have earned. The producers really should do a better job of making sure there are at least two different flights for teams, and all the teams can't fit on one flight to keep things more interesting.

The gay brothers came out to the other teams at the airport. My question is: Why? What difference does it make who you sleep with? You're not dating these people - you're competing against them for a million dollars, so what's with the big pronouncement? You're gay. So what? That would be like me feeling like I had to make a special announcement to the group that I'm infertile. Okay, I'm not, as far as I know, but if I were that would be private information that is significant to my life but nowhere near relevant to the task at hand. It's nothing you need to hide, but it's also nothing you should feel the need to announce to the world. It's just a part of who you are. If you want the world to think it's no big deal, then stop acting like it's a big deal. (Climbing down from soap box...)

2. Drive to (a place I can't pronounce or spell)
Poor Brian. He couldn't figure out how to start the car, and then Ericka just jumps on him for being frustrated - like it's not her natural state of being if she can't get something in two seconds. He is definitely the supportive, patient one in that relationship. I laughed out loud when the Globetrotters said the one name they knew from all the teams was Brian's from hearing Ericka screeching at him all the time. "Brian! Brian!"

3. Count the bells
I'm not sure why this was so difficult for Ericka, but my, oh my, didn't Brian treat her differently when she had trouble with the bells than she treated him when he had trouble with the car? Just sayin'. I didn't like Sam giving Tiffany the answer. If she can't do the task, that team shouldn't move on (karma had my back on that one later, though). And I loved watching Matt just knock this task out like nuthin' - zipping past Meghan and Sam. He always stays calm and focused and just gets it done. Reminds me of J (except for the pink hair). :)

Farmer's Game or Farmer's Dance
I got a no-win situation here. If I did the game, the swim across the cold river and then running around in my wet undies in the wind would've done me in. But I think that in the end, that would've been preferable to the dance, because eating that herring at the end would've ended with me hurling for sure. No way I could've choked that down without vomiting it right back. In fact, I feel kinda sick just thinking about it.

Tif and Maria should've stuck with the golf thing. Surely they could've figured that out eventually. If you don't have the strength for that carnival mallet thing, then you don't. But the golf thing should've been doable. I'm suprised that they died on that particular hill. But die they did. See ya, girls.

Sam and Dan on the mat.
So, I have no opinion about Sam and Dan winning the leg. But J and I both agreed that a dune buggy would totally suck as a prize.

It was annoying the way Ericka cried during her and Brian's 30-minute penalty. J and I both agreed that crying when you don't even know that it's going to cost you anything is pointless. If you get knocked out because of it then great - cry. That's a million-dollar sob, baby. But Maria and Tif never showed up, and Ericka and Brian weren't eliminated, so the tears were for nothing. Beauty queens, man.

Guess she didn't want a million dollars.

I don't count that title as a spoiler since I don't say who "she" is AND it's Wednesday. Surely you've seen the episode by now! Okay, here was this week's episode:

1. Row to a yacht
J would've kicked ace on rowing a boat. And I hope we would've been smart enough to figure out the clue for the briefcase combination. I guess it depends on how sleep-deprived I was at the time. I felt bad for the Globetrotters that they were stumped on that. I like those guys.

I have to mention here that even at this point, J and I were marveling that Mika would even agree to do the race, considering she's afraid of heights AND water...and sex. But I guess the sex part is not actually relevant, so just forget I said that .

2. Detour: Gold or Glass
J and I thought the gold challenge sounded incredibly easy. Figure out the exchange rate. Measure the gold. If the rate changes by the time you measure, just add or remove whatever is needed to meet the new amount. Right? I really do not understand why so many teams had trouble with this. And I'm a math moron, people.

Glass certainly seemed doable, but more complicated than gold. J said there's no way he could've tolerated Meghan and the beauty queen's frustration - not the fact of it, but the way they just kept yammering instead of just shutting up for five seconds and *thinking* about how to fix the problem. Repeating, "I just don't know" in varying levels of anxiety does NOT get you closer to a solution.

3. Water slide
How awesome was it that the slide went under a shark tank? I'm actually not great with heights, so I get why Mika freaked out about the slide (for her, it would be a double-whammy of two fears), but seriously, man, for a million dollars, I could power through my fear. We've seen this in previous seasons - people with a crippling fear that almost or does cost them the race. I have to assume the producers look for at least a few contestants like that to ramp up the drama.

Canaan had choice words for Big Easy when he heckled Mika, but I have to admit, I laughed. I thought what Big Easy said was really funny, and even if I'm too nice to actually say that to someone who is scared, it's pretty smart strategy. And it's not cheating. It's not like anything Big Easy said really made the difference. She'd had plenty of time before they got there to slide down, and she was on the verge of hysterics, so seriously Canaan, put the blame where it belongs.

I didn't dislike Mika and Canaan, so I'm not psyched that they're out. But clearly she didn't want that million dollars, so it's just as well. A million dollars could've gotten Mika a lot of therapy for her phobias...just sayin'. ;)

Amazing Race - cutoff!

Okay, so the NFL and MLB people are just going to have to start wrapping things up sooner on Sundays. J set our DVR to account for an extra hour of tape time for The Amazing Race since it's always getting bumped because of football and baseball running late. This week, that still wasn't enough and the last bit of the show was cut off! Arrrgh! But I did catch most of it, so here's my commentary for this week.

1. Fly to Dubai. I was impressed that Miss America Erica knew that the tallest building in the world was in Dubai. I sure as heck didn't know that off the top of my head! I laughed out loud, though, when The Brothers asked for a flight "to the Persian Gulf" at the ticket counter. What maroons.

As usual, all the teams ended up on the same flight. That's become standard now, so maybe they should just take the race to the airport and the scramble at the ticket counters out of the scripts. It's not suspenseful anymore since everyone knows now that the show is going to pull strings and make sure everyone is evened up by the flights.

Dubai was the picture of a modern city, but I wasn't terribly impressed with the fountain they led the teams to considering you can see the same thing in Las Vegas at the Bellagio - and with music. It also looked to be very steamy from the way everyone was sweating. And was that humidity or smog hanging over the horizon?

2. Top of the World, Ma!
I, like Mika, would not have enjoyed the idea of going to the top of that building. Old Suzy ain't too good with heights, and her fear that they might make the teams rappel down the side wasn't exactly unreasonable.

3. Fast Forward
J would have *loved* getting to race around the track, so if we'd be in the first group up to the clue, I'm sure we would've tried for that.

4. Head to the Desert/Roadblock
I laughed with joy at Lance not being able to find the cars in the parking garage and then getting lost at every turn. That guy is such a TOOL!

I'm not sure which of us would have done the water thing, but I guess probably J. He's got the stamina of a Bedouin when it comes to heat, and all the other teams had the guy doing it, so we probably would've followed suit. Alot of teams helped out other teams in the Dubai leg of the race. I'll be interested to see if that breeds some good karma or if bad teams end up not reciprocating in the end. I wouldn't have waited for the Poker Girls after they trashed their cars. You know the producers will give them another one, so why stick around? Not a smart way to run the race, Brothers.

5. Ski Dubai
How cool would this place have been - literally? LOL! Ooooooh, I crack myself up. We definitely would've done the sledding and then searched for a snowman. It would've been work, for sure. Those snowmen were tiny! But you get to be inside in the cool air, and it really just takes some perseverence.

At this point, our VCR cut off, so I didn't see any of the footage of the teams trying to build snowmen or any of the teams reaching the Pit Stop (except Meghan and Cheyne since they won early). This is tragic since Lance got booted, which I would've LOVED to have seen. From the recap at CBS, though, he actually handled it pretty well. If so, it was the first time since the race started that he wasn't an ass. Did anyone see it? What did you think?

The race...she is unkind

This was interesting week on TAR - some shuffling of team rankings and a little bit of tragedy (I'm probably the only person in the world who hears the Bee Gees singing, "Tragedy! When the feelin's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy!" in my head everytime I see that word...). Let's recap.

1. Fly to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. J and I bounced a number of Sean Penn jokes off each other during this part. We were soon distracted from our jaunty word play, though, by Lance whining about being in a race for last place when he thought he wasn't going to get on the first plane. Who cares if you're not on the first flight as long as you're not the ONLY team on the second one? To keep racing, you only have to beat ONE other team, so quit yer whinin' Lance and just race. As usual, the producers pulled some strings and both teams got on the first plane, so his mewling was for naught anyway.

2. Foreign Correspondent's Club. As is frequently the case, the cabbie made all the difference. By getting a good one, Zev and Justin jetted into first place. I was stunned at how few of the team members knew Jackie Kennedy, though. Truly stunned. Not recognizing Jackie O is like not recognizing Marilyn Monroe. Do you these people not actually live in the U.S.???

3. Detour: Cover or Wrap. I think J could sell anything to anyone, but we probably would've gone with wrap, as most of the teams did. I would've wanted to keep the scarf, though. Pretty... :)

4. Roadblock: Monkey Business. This looked really easy. I'm not sure why so many team members had trouble with it. One thing I noticed is how many contestants kept their socks on. If you're trying to walk on a log, doesn't it seem like it would be easier in bare feet?

5. Pit Stop. I was SO excited when Zev and Justin made it to the Pit Stop first! I love these guys. (I told J that if we did the race and won even one leg and got one free trip, I'd feel like we were winners.) Imagine my frustration when they discovered Zev had lost his passport. Imagine my further chagrine when Justin dumped out his backpack and spread the contents all over the ground. That's not how you look for something, Justin. You've got to be systematic and neat. That kind of thing is how you lose a passport in the first place. But I digress.

I was really sad that the boys not only lost their first place standing but got eliminated all together. I was really rooting for them. And I would've been perfectly happy to see Maria and Tiffany (aka, The Liars) booted. These two have dodged the bullet twice now. Seriously, they should go down in the next round.

Amazing Race recap, beeotches

So, we're fully under way now with TAR. We've met the teams and we're a-racin! Let's talk about this Sunday's episode.

The teams started out by traveling to Ho Chi Minh City. I think they said the name of the city about 50 times, because it became a joke between me and J. Everytime they'd say it, J or I would say, "Where are they going again?"

Puppet Theater - the puppet theater was kinda cool. And I thought it was funny how the contestants would jerk their hands back if the dragon came toward them, because I know I would've done the same thing. You know it's a puppet, but hello - it's a *dragon*! My favorite part of this task, though, was when Lance The Wonder Lawyer couldn't figure out the clue and, as usual, managed to blame Keri for every obstacle they encountered. MAN, that guy is a tool!

Sap City - I'm only going to mention this long enough to say I could've done without the sob stories about Big Easy's dad who died recently and Marcy's dad, the pilot who we all now know (because we heard it like 3 times) was shot down over Vietnam and rescued. Let's skip the heartstrings, people, and just race, MMMkay?

Child's Play v. Word Play - I can't believe Marcy and Ron picked Word Play. That seemed much harder than Child's Play. And sure enough, it was. I would definitely have picked Child's Play and I would've picked the smallest animal figure I could find to navigate around the park with. I don't know what Zev and Justin were thinking with that giraffe.

Roadblock - the VCRs. I think I could've done this one, but in all honesty, J probably could rip through them in half the time. Too bad Lance didn't injure himself ripping them apart with his bare hands.

Pit Stop - I like that the Globetrotters won this leg. I like the guys - their personalities and the way they play. It's too bad about Marcy and Ron, but she was kind of annoying so I won't miss her. As I'm sure you've already guessed, my fervent hope each week now is that Lance will get booted. He's my guy to hate this season.

Okay, that was short and sweet, but if you TAR fans have anything to add, feel free to put it in the comments!

As Dr. Phil says...

"How's that workin' for ya?"

I have a question. If you love someone, and they find a partner, and maybe you don't like that partner or approve of the relationship (insert your reason here - the universe of reasons why people don't like other people or don't approve of other people's relationships is limitless), but the person you love seems happy, exactly what benefit is there to you of snubbing the partner?

Sure, you've made a point. You've let your feelings be known. You don't approve.

But then what? After you've had your say, why keep "saying" it (sometimes you don't have to speak words to send a message)? What are you accomplishing? Is your snubbing bringing you closer to the person you love? Is it improving your relationship with that person? Is it making them want to be around you? Or is it, perhaps, resulting in the opposite? Do they know how you feel? If they do, is it necessary to keep putting it out there?

Dr. Phil often asks people, "Do you want to be right or be happy?"

I like to be right. But more than that, I want to be happy. And I want the people I love to be happy. What is it that you want?

And they're off!

Well, The Amazing Race, Season 15 started last night - woohoo! I think the best option for this first column is for me to go over the teams for this season, and if there's something to say in relation to the actual racing, I'll say it in regard to specific teams.

Meghan and Cheyne - Not really much to say yet on these two, except what's up with the stupid spelling of Cheyne's name? Why do people think that naming your child is a creativity contest?

Maria and Tiffany - Let's be honest. These two are beeyotches. When you lie to people first thing by telling them you work with at-risk kids when you literally make your living playing poker, you can confidently look in the mirror and know you have no integrity. You make your living playing poker? Cool. I personally have no problem with that. But you obviously do deep down or you wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. And your theory that if people don't know you play a game for a living, it'll give you an advantage? What did that last - about 10 minutes? And now everyone knows you're liars.

Marcy and Ron - these two seem nice, but I think Marcy is gonna get on my nerves, and I don't think I'd want her for a teammate. She's a little too "vibrant" to be joined to 24 hours a day for weeks and weeks.

Lance and Keri. One word: douchebag. Lance is my guy to hate already. I was hoping he'd be knocked out with that first license-plate challenge. No such luck. And, of course, he blamed Keri for the two of them not seeing the symbol they needed on their clue. That's about right for some Yankee muscle-head lawyer - blame someone else for your mistakes. I sure as hell wouldn't hire that guy as my lawyer. He can't even manage a clue in a game, but you'd expect him to be thorough enough for your legal matters? No thanks. When he blew your case, he'd blame you somehow.

Herbert and Nathanial - Harlmen Globetrotters! Love these guys already and are rooting for them. Nice guys will out!

Gary and Matt - I think these guys, too. As an Austinite, the pink hair barely makes my notice, but I'll make note of it this one time since we're on introductions. So here goes: Matt has pink hair. There. I mentioned it. I think these guys are going to have common sense and work well together as a team, and it'll be cool if the experience brings them closer as father and son. Rooting for you guys to do well!

Garrett and Jessica - the first team eliminated. These two should just break up now and get it over with. In the course of one show, Garrett went from talking about how great Jessica was and wanting to marry her to talking about how he wasn't sure they were a good match for marriage because she doesn't handle stress well. From the TAR Web site, I found out that Garrett proposed to her after they were eliminated. I doubt they'll make it to the alter, but if they do, I think it's a safe bet that they won't make it two years - maybe not even a year. Off and on for seven years, mostly off, and proposing "to lift her spirits" (he said that) while on some extended vacation at a resort, not in the real world, is not a recipe for lifelong marital bliss. Start your office pools now on when these two will split up.

Brian and Ericka - no really strong feelings about these two. It's hard to look away from her because she's so pretty (as she should be since was Miss America 2004). She's intense, though. But I think as a couple they're solid and they'll do fine.

Eric and Lisa - the yoga couple, eliminated before the race began. I don't think I like that new feature. I like to see more action than that before someone gets booted.

Same and Dan - the gay brothers. They'll be a strong team, but no real strong feeling about them yet.

Zev and Justin - I was prepared to be annoyed by Zev since he's got Asberger's, but I'm not. I like these two, and I loved when Zev *owned* the duck challenge.

Mika and Canaan - Southern, "sexually pure" singer and songwriter (okay he says he's pure, but she didn't actually say, as J pointed out). Nothing to say on these two yet, and I won't share J's thoughts on them since this a family blog. Oh wait, it's not really a family blog. But I still won't share his thoughts. Sometimes, it's best to just let him share them for himself, lest someone think they're mine.

So, those are our teams! Next week, I'll do more dissecting of the actual action. TAR fans, comment away!!

Hope for the future

It seems like I'm always hearing negative stories about today's youth (and I'm sure people have been saying that for forever, Grandma - can I get you your shawl?). There's a real epidemic of people not taking responsibility for their actions, feeling a sense of entitlement and not having any compassion for others, and it seems like this decline is worse among young people.

I'd like to blame it on immaturity, but too often, I think it's a function of how the kids were raised and a culture that does nothing to reward or encourage doing the right thing.

That's why Thamail Morgan gives me hope. Read the whole story here. Please - especially if you have kids. Because kids need actual role models from their own peer group on how to behave. And that doesn't mean "how to be perfect." It means how to make the right decisions, even if you've made the wrong ones in the past; how to get back on track; how to do the right thing, even if it means you won't benefit as much.

Did you read the story? Okay, then here are the rest of my comments.

Thamail got off track. He is human, and he is young, and as young people start making decisions, they don't always make the right ones. But he was held accountable. He was made to suffer consequences for his bad choices. For that, I applaud his former school. They could've left him on the football team - he's a great player, and I'm sure their team suffered for his loss. But by doing the right thing and holding him accountable, Thamail had the opportunity to learn a valuable life lesson about choices and consequences and to do so at an age where the lesson could benefit him the most.

And Thamail didn't get sullen, cry foul, blame others, play the victim. No, he took the opportunity that was offered him by his old school, by his community - he took responsibility for his actions, accepted the consequences, and looked for a way to learn from it, to get back up and move forward in a better way. He learned the lesson and made new and better choices. For that I applaud Thamail! That is *exactly* the way to succeed in life.

And his behavior during that difficult game in the story shows just how much Thamail has embraced a life of class, responsibility and integrity. Thamail wants to get a football scholarship. In order to get the attention of scouts, he needs impressive statistics. But at a personal cost to himself (fewer points in his stats), he did the right thing and took a knee at the end of that game, rather than beat up on a team that had already had a beating that week. He did the honorable thing. And now, he has gotten more attention than he ever would've gotten for those extra 6 points. He has been rewarded for his honorability.

Not to be lost in this is credit to his coach for giving him a chance, but with strings attached, to make sure that Thamail understood that he wasn't being given a free pass for his talent and to try and help him grow as a person and a man. Props must also go out to his teammates, who together decided that running up the score on the damaged opponent would be unacceptable (Bob Stoops could use a lesson from these guys), and also to the opponent, who in the face of adversity showed up and did their best, and accepted the class that was extended to them as an honorable gesture and not an insult.

Everyone in this scenario has set an example that we could all stand to follow. The people of that whole area can be very proud of the community they have created. And I hope very much that a university out there will give Thamail Morgan a chance to play at their school. He deserves it, and I think he is likely to be a real leader in his life, on and off the field.

Modern Family

Sometimes I think I should just start a TV blog. I love it, after all, and maybe I'd be motivated to post more regularly. But I already have regular gigs that require my time, so I probably don't actually need yet another commitment. With this blog, I just post when the mood strikes.

That said, I just have to post a little shout out to the new ABC show Modern Family. It premiered last night, and let me just pronounce it hilarious.

I've been watching the promos for it for weeks, and I couldn't wait for it to start, and it didn't disappoint. All three of the individual families that come together to create the larger family are just so freakin' funny. I liked them all.

And I could so relate to the mom of the family that's comprised of the 30-something couple with three kids. The oldest daughter is 15, and the mom is paranoid that her daughter is going to be a wild child like she was, so she's on the alert for every little thing. It just cracks me up, because I know I would be the same way! I'd be like, "Oh you want to do X? Uh, no, you're not doing that because I know what that really means you're going to be doing." My kids wouldn't get away with anything, and it would probably drive them crazy!

Anyway, it's a great show. It's just a half-hour, so give it a shot next Wednesday. Please. Because I really want this show to make it and be around to make me laugh for more than just one season like Pushing Daisies.

I wanna hold your hand...

One of the things that makes me happy is seeing an older couple walking down the street holding hands.

The act of holding hands is an expression both of affection and connection - maybe even possession, though not in the scary, abusive sense of the word that implies, "I own this person," but rather, "I choose this person."

When I see an older couple holding hands - when I know that they've been together for decades and they still want to express that affection - that they still want to purposely act to show the world and the other person, "I choose THIS man/woman, among all the men and women that there are" - that they don't take the other person and their presence for granted, well, it puts a lump in my throat. The good kind.

Good grief, Jimmy.

Someone should put a muzzle on Jimmy Carter. I mean, REALLY. If the man isn't singing the praises of some dictator somewhere, he's making ridiculous and inflammatory statements like the one yesterday - where he said that the reason Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) interrupted President Obama's speech last week was because OBAMA IS BLACK.

Are you friggin' serious, Carter? You're *really* going to play that card?

Wilson didn't shout out "Liar!" during the speech because Obama is black and, by gum, that South Carolina hayseed don't go a-likin it! He yelled "Liar!" because he doesn't believe that if we institute universal healthcare, we won't end up paying not only for Americans' healthcare, but also that of illegal aliens. That's the claim Obama was making, and that's what Wilson was responding to.

Wilson's protest was out of order, but it had *nothing* to do with the president's skin color. Nor has there been any indication that it did. It has to do with Wilson being a Republican, and Obama being a Democrat. For Carter to say what he did is profoundly incindiary, and he should be ashamed of himself.

Is the rule now that you aren't allowed to disagree with the president's policies (or anyone's stance on an issue at this point), if his skin color is darker than yours? Is that the rule? And if you dare to disagree with that policy, you're a racist - not based on the content of your disagreement, but on the simple fact that the person you disagree with happens to be of another ethnicity?

We went through the drama of attempted healthcare reform with Clinton, and people were just as divided then as they are now. And newsflash: Clinton is white. It's not the color of the person speaking. It's the issue. And THAT is what we're all *supposed* to be focusing on and debating - issues.

If someone like Carter is going to play the race card everytime we disagree on an important issue, we're going to stay mired in a culture of racism and impotence. We have to be able to debate and disagree on issues based on their content and merit, strengths and weaknesses, without unfounded accusations being hurled at people, derailing the real discussion and undermining our ability to work together.

This kind of crap moves us backward, not forward, as a nation and as a people.

Put down the phone, ma'am.

Why, oh why, do some people insist on making me actually speak to them?

I emailed someone to ask if I could interview them for something. I gave them a general timeframe - "Is there a day/time in the next couple of weeks I could interview you?" kinda thing. Does this person respond with, "Absolutely. How about Tuesday at 1pm?" Of course not.

I get back, "Yes, I'd be happy to help. Call and arrange a date and time, preferably in the late afternoon and not at the end of the month or on the 1st."

Um...first of all, I gave you the next two weeks as my timeframe. So, that kinda sorta means the end of the month or the 1st isn't on the table.

Secondly, why do I have to call you? We're corresponding on email, and I've already said I'd work around you, so just tell me now - on email, in a correspondence that we're already having - the day and time you want to do it. That's all. Phone calls and actual conversations that will unquestionably take longer than a quick email are *unnecessary* and annoying.

If there's explanation that's necessary or confusion about something, etc., that makes a conversation more efficient than email, then fine. Let's talk. But if I'm just setting a simple appointment, utilize the technology, people. Email is more efficient...and I don't have to actually talk to anyone. Everybody wins.

Amazing Race is coming back!

I saw today that Amazing Race will have a new season starting on September 27! Woo-hoo! Maybe now I'll have something that will push me to blog again - at least on a weekly basis. About that: sorry for hardly ever being here anymore, but I've taken on some new projects that eat up a lot of my blog time. But I'll try to get back in the saddle with Amazing Race.

ANYWAY, here are the new teams.

I promise to try and blog about the episodes, and I'll do my best not to put any spoilers in the headlines for those who DVR and watch later. In fact, I DVR most things these days and watch later, so I can't *promise* I'll watch live each week, but I will watch.

Disgraceful

So, looking at the online USA Today this morning, I came across this headline: Ga. trailer 911 caller: 'My whole family is dead!'

I clicked to the story, largely because I was hoping that I was wrong about the headline - that there's some explanation for the word "trailer" being used as an adjective in that headline that does not involve where the caller lives. I was not wrong.

USA actually characterized a 9-1-1 caller as a "Ga. trailer 911 caller" because the man happens to live in a mobile home. That's just patently offensive. What difference does it make where the man lives? If he lived in a single-family detached home, would they have said, "Ga. single-family residence 911 caller?" Is there some relevance to the fact that he lives in a trailer? I mean, yes, the crime he called about happened in a trailer, in Georgia, but the story also mentions that the mobile home is located on an old plantation with moss-draped trees, and there's a boat in the front yard. Did they say, "Ga. plantation trailer with boat in yard 911 caller?"

I think the relevant information in this story is NOT that the man lives in a trailer, but that his whole family was killed. If you want to use his 9-1-1 quote as your headline for dramatic effect, then say, "Georgia 911 caller: 'My whole family is dead!'"

The "trailer" labeling is just a way of painting this guy as some kind of hillbilly and the whole situation as some sort of backwoods dueling banjos scene. The most likely scenario is that it's drug-related - the guy had drugs on him, and generally when a whole house full of people are beaten to death, you're looking at the mob or drugs or both. But drug violence can happen just as easily in an apartment in Manhattan as in a mobile home in rural Georgia, so let's dispense with the unnecessary hillbilly characterizations.

Poor journalism, USA Today. Really poor.

In the news

Part of my job is to read through hundreds of headlines each day and determine which stories would be of interest to the people my company serves. Most of the stories have nothing to do with the work we do, so I gloss right past them, but occasionally, one of the non-applicable headlines catches my eye. Today, it was this one:

"Sen. Grassley, You Can't Fix a Crap Sandwich"

I thought it must be an editorial, and upon further investigation, I found it was a blog post written by a freelance political columnist. Clearly, a newspaper had picked up the piece, since our clipping service only culls through newspapers. I didn't take the time to read the post, because I had to get back to looking through the rest of the headlines at the time. But now that I have a moment, I feel compelled to respond. So, based solely on the headline, my response/follow-up post is:

Senator Grassley, I don't know you, but I don't think you should fix a crap sandwich. It would be messy and very unpleasant, and I don't think anyone would eat it - no matter what kind of bread you used. I think you should fix something else.

Rules for Living #2

It's been a while since I posted any new rules for living, but this weekend I came up with a new one. The rule is:

When you have a kettle boiling on the stove, do not attempt to clean the parts of the stove not being used.

Why, you ask? I mean, if the rest of the stovetop is cool and not in use, surely you can just do a little wipe-down, right? Well, you can, but there's a really good chance that you'll get so wrapped up in the cleaning, that when you spot a splatter of food up on the backsplash, directly above the kettle, which is now pouring a column of steam out of its spout (but not screaming at you since you removed that part of the kettle - wouldn't want to be annoyed by a bleating warning that red-hot steam is shooting forth), you'll just reach right up there to wipe it.

And you'll be sorry you did.

Where's the Lysol?

This goes in the category of "What the hell is wrong with some people?" or, alternatively, "Why I don't have children."

There's another business in the building where I work that shares the same bathrooms that my office uses. This other business is very small - just three people: a man (the boss) and two female employees. They're usually dressed nicely and look far more professional than my own office, but I don't really know what they do. I can assure you what the two women had to do today, though, was NOT in their job descriptions or mentioned in any interivew.

The boss brought his 5-year-old daughter to the office. She is, apparently, quite the little terror, and thus, should never be brought to the office. If that's not a general rule for all children in an office environment, then it should be a specific one to this child. Here's why.

One of my co-workers went to the restroom. She heard the little darling in the stall next to her. When Darling left the stall, she was giggling. She ran to the door, turned the light out on my co-worker and left the restroom. Co-worker finished her business and turned on the light and then, based on instinct, looked in the stall where Darling had been. It was...disgusting. Darling had taken her solid waste (I'm being gentle) and smeared it all over the place. With her hand. Thus the giggling, because we all know how *hilarious* feces is!

Co-worker went to the other business to inform them of the state of the bathroom and make sure they knew they must clean it up, whereupon she learned that Darling had done the same thing ALL OVER THEIR OFFICE. Boss Man wasn't there, so the two women had to clean it all up themselves.

Foul. Fooooooouuul. People, I can barely stand to clean my own bathroom, and there, anything nasty is actually where it's supposed to be. It's not surrounding me like some kind of excrement hall of horrors. That's a day at work you'll never forget.

I think we can all assume Darling is starved for attention and "acting out." But whatever they're paying those two women - it's not enough.

In my email...

A job listing came for me today: "Math Teacher/Instructor/Curriculum Developer."

Me - a math teacher.

Nobody wants that.

Farrah, RIP

I just read that Farrah Fawcett has died. Despite my looking askance the other day at the silliness of Ryan O'Neal saying they were going to marry as she lay on her death bed, I want to give the lady her due for a hard fight.

She was ill for a long time, and she fought very hard to beat her cancer. It would've been hard for anyone to go through that, but it must have been especially difficult for someone who based so much of her image on her looks to waste away like that. I'm sorry that it was such a tough road there at the end, and I hope she has peace now.

Man, I'm good.

When I tell you something is fishy, you may as well get out the tartar sauce. If there's one thing I know, it's when somethin' ain't right and man is a lyin'. Don't even try to spin a tale. Just admit what ya done did. Case in point:

The SC governor was not hiking the Appalachian Trail, incommunicado for a week. (Reeeeeeally???) Yes, really. I know it's shocking. That sounded so believable. But the truth is that the married father was in Argentina with his mistress...over Father's Day weekend.

What a guy.

A roundup

Lots going on today. Check it out:

1. Ed McMahon is dead. He was 86, and the last few years were pretty rough. What an interesting life, though.

2. The governor of South Carolina has been found after disappearing for several days. He was hiking. Sorry, but there's gotta be more to this story than the guy just wanted to go hiking. Even I wouldn't be able to just disappear for several days with no one knowing where I am (not even my family??), and I'm not the senior official for an entire state. Something ees fishy.

3. Jon and Kate (Plus 8) are divorcing. But...they seemed so in love.

4. On the other end of the marriage spectrum, Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal are getting married - if they can manage it before she dies. I don't mean to be insensitive here, but what exactly is the point? They wouldn't marry for all those years when they were actually sharing a life and raising kids together, then they went their separate ways, but now that she's on death's door, they're willing to take vows? I guess it's easier to commit when you're really not committing yourself to much or for long.

5. And a Belgian teen claimed last week that she fell asleep after asking a tattoo artist to tattoo three stars on her face, and when she awoke, he had mistakenly tattooed 56 stars. On her face. While she slept. This week, she admits that she lied, and that she had, in fact, asked for all 56 stars and did not, in fact, fall asleep and stay asleep as a man pierced her face with a needle and injected ink under flesh over and over and over and over. You don't say.

Diet blogging

I posted a rant earlier today. But I decided later in the afternoon that I'd probably just piss off a bunch of people and I wasn't in the mood for that. So, I deleted it.

So, if you saw something in a blog tracker about a rant on my blog, but now that post isn't here, that's why.

I wish it were that easy to delete ingested calories.

And all is well.

David Banner went home yesterday. My parents came by on their way home from their vacation, and when David heard my mom's voice, he was happy again, and the world was right. They got him into his cage without having to wear protective gear, and J and I had our house back.

Aaaaaaaaaah.

NOW you love me!

Detente has definitely been achieved, because now every time I go into the bedroom or bathroom, David Banner comes out and wants me to pet him. This is much preferable to hissing, growling or batting at me, but geez Louise, why couldn't he have come to this place six days ago??

I'm glad we've achieved this new level of kumbaya, but I'm even happier to report that my folks on their way back and should be picking up David Banner tomorrow. Hallelujah! How nice it will be to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night!

On another note, good luck to the Longhorns tonight! Game 1 between Southern Miss and UT in the College World Series - 6 p.m. on ESPN 2. Hook 'em!!

Detente?

Okay, we may have come upon a detente at the bunalow. After 36 hours of leaving Demon Cat alone, it appears that he may have calmed down. I liken it to The Hulk. He tried to tell us that we wouldn't like him if he got angry, but we pushed him anyway and created a monster. But he is now back to being David Banner - which is what I think I'll call him from now on.

When I went into the bedroom and bathroom this morning to get ready for work, David emerged from under the bed - not to attack me, but apparently to offer an olive branch. He meowed in little meek bursts, as if to say, "Are you still mad at me? Because I'm kind of lonely now, and I don't want you to be mad at me anymore. But I still want this room to myself. So, how about I just keep living in here, and you guys stop trying to grab at me, and I won't try to kill you anymore, and that's how our friendship will work? I'll even let you touch me...you know...when I feel like it."

I told him I could agree to that since it was only going to be for a few more days, and Murphy had started hanging out in his travel crate anyway. My mom will be back in town the first of next week, and I promised him he could go home with her and we would never speak of this week again.

On the upside, we now know that our airbed works really well if anyone wants to come visit and sleep in our living room.

It ain't over

The cat is still in my house. He is a demon. I understand that in reality, he is just scared, and yesterday's events as we tried to wrangle him into the cat carrier just served to make things worse. But knowing that he is psychotic because he is scared does not change the fact that he is possessed.

When I got home yesterday, we put a plan into action. We put on protective gear (gloves and jackets), armed ourselves with brooms, and put the cat carrier at the ready. First we tried it J's way. We blocked him off (we thought) with the goal of shoving him out from under the bed with brooms so that he would run into the carrier. I was on the far side of the bed and was to push him toward the side with the cat carrier, and J was on the "action" side of the bed, ready to push him into the carrier and slam the door shut when he was inside.

I pushed at him with the broom, which served only to enrage him, and rather than running away from the broom, out from under the bed on J's side, where the carrier was waiting, he turned and ran toward MY side of the bed. I screamed and jumped backward as the screeching, fang-bearing angry bundle of terror ran at me. He veered, though, right at the end and scooted out from under the bed to the right of me and beelined under the clothes in our open closet.

Okay, we thought. Okay. We can actually get at him easier from there. Now, we do it my way. I have J upend the carrier so that the mouth is at the top. I will grab him by the scruff and drop him, butt-first, into the carrier. I approached. He warned. I grabbed. But my gloves made it difficult to get a good grip, and his warning became far more alarming, and I got scared (as did J) in short order that he still had the ability to turn around was about to rip my hand apart...through my gloves.

We tried a little longer to box him in, and we pushed at him with the brooms, hoping he'd run into the carrier to get away from us, but it was to no avail. He just got angrier and scarier, and we got more and more aware of our own vulnerability. J: "I think I should've worn jeans instead of shorts."

Right at the moment we gave up, my mom called. I said that was it - I was going to tell her what was going on and ask if she had any tricks. She didn't really, except she said that if he couldn't see, he'd calm down, so we should try putting a towel or bedspread over him if we could get him out in the open.

We elected not to try anything else last night since he was now on high alert and ready to kill us. So, we went for Plan B. We gave him the bedroom and slept on an air mattress in the living room. I WISH I were joking. But we couldn't spend another night with him in the bedroom, especially now that we were at war. I honestly think he would've slit our throats in the night.

We both slept okay, all things considered, and this morning, after J got back from his morning bike ride and swim, he spotted Demon Cat sleeping under the bedspread on top of the bed. He thought of my mom's advice and tried to grab him. Demon Cat not only did not calm down, he tried to bite J through the sheet and bedspread and succeeded in tearing the sheet - my 400-count, expensive sheet. And pissed himself.

Fan-friggin-tastic.

As a last ditch, I looked online today to see if there were over-the-counter sedatives available for cats, but apparently you have to get them from a vet and they actually have to see the cat, so unless a vet is willing to make a house call, I guess that's out.

So, for now, we are defeated. We will give up the fight and let him have the bedroom - either until he finally lets his guard down and we can get to him or my mom gets home. Someone is seriously going to get hurt - him or us - if this continues. And I don't want anything else damaged.

If only there were a Cat Whisperer out there.

I tried. I really tried.

My folks went on vacation this past weekend, and I agreed to cat-sit for their very large, very moody Siamese. Because they live about 45 minutes away, this meant that the cat would come to my house, and I'd look after him until they got back - somewhere around a 1.5 week, but possibly longer. Their timeline for this trip is fluid.

So, J and I went on Sunday and picked up the cat and brought him to the new bungalow. Those last three words are key. See, I've done this cat-sitting thing before for them, but I was in my old house - with 3 bedrooms and more than twice the square footage. I gave the cat the front bedroom all for himself. It takes this cat about a week of shunning you (sometimes forcefully, with spitting and warning growls and lashing out at you with a - thankfully - clawless front paw) to decide he's lonely enough for your companionship to give up the fight and behave at least somewhat normally. In the old house, I could wait out that week by just leaving him be in the front room until he eventually sought me out.

But the new house is a whole new ballgame. In order to keep my cat from terrorizing the demon houseguest cat, we have to keep them separated. My cat gets the front of the house, where she usually hangs out anyway, and demon houseguest gets the bedroom and bathroom. THE bedroom and bathroom - there are no "spares" in this house. That means that we're sleeping in the same room he is. And this is where this arrangement becomes a problem.

The cat is miserable and scared, and he keeps us up all night with intermittent howls, the occasional jump on the bed which ends with one or both of us being startled awake and him hissing and jumping back down, puking (that was night 2), and (starting last night) banging on the door somehow. We don't know if he's using his paw to try and jimmy the bedroom door open or if he's headbutting it, but he did it all night long and it woke us every time. On top of that, I got up with a flashlight to see what he was doing and saw him jet under the bed and when I kneeled down to see him and try to figure out what was up and maybe console him, he growled at me in what can only be described as a threatening and somewhat terrifying manner.

Well, I can't take it anymore. We've barely slept the last three nights, and the situation isn't getting the least bit better, and there's really no other arrangement considering our house and his personality, so I'm going to have to take him back home and just make the trek down there to feed and check on him every other day. There's just no other option. It's just not working out.

I thought about whether to tell my folks that I'm changing the arrangement, but I decided that if I tell them, they'll decide that the new arrangement is too much of an inconvenience for me and they'll cut their trip short. I don't want them to do that because they were much delayed in even making this trip, so I want them to enjoy themselves and not be worried about me or him. I'll tell them when they're on their way back, and we'll work something else out for future trips.

I don't look forward to trying to wrangle this cat back into his crate when I get home. I haven't even been able to touch him since we picked him up on Sunday. But if I can get through that part, the rest will be easy. And maybe tonight we can ALL sleep!

Thanks for your help?

When I changed my old house into a rental property, I had to change my homeowners insurance policy. I ended up changing companies, which means I got a refund for part of the preemium on the old policy that I cancelled. My mortgage company sent me a letter and told me to send that payment to them to put into my escrow account, but they didn't give me instructions on how to do so (how to endorse the check, etc.).

So, I called the customer service number on the letter. After bypassing as much of the phone tree as possible by pushing "0" at every available turn, I got a person pretty quickly on the line. I told her what I needed, and she proceeded to ask me a series of questions - my loan number and various security questions to verify who I am, etc. I patiently answered everything, and at the end of all that, she informed me that she couldn't actually answer my question. She would have to pass me to someone in a different department who actually handled that issue, and oh, by the way, I would have to answer all the same verification/security questions to that lady.

So....if you knew up front that you couldn't help me and that you would be transferring me, and you knew that whoever you transferred me to would put me through all those security questions, why did you just put me through them all yourself? Do you really need to know all of that information just to say the words, "I'll need to transfer you?" Because you knew you'd need to transfer me as soon as I told you what I needed. Efficiency at its finest.

Oh, and for the record, the letter was wrong. I'm not supposed to send the mortgage company the refund check. I'm supposed to deposit it and send them a personal check in the same amount, but made out to them, with a sticky note telling them to deposit it in my escrow account. Now, that sounds official, doesn't it?

I quake for the financial future of this country.

I'm back. Honest.

Man, life has been crazy the last couple of weeks. I've been MIA here on Blogger, but it couldn't be avoided. I'll try to catch up this week. I'll start with the vacation that J and I took at the end of May/first of June.

Originally, it was supposed to just be a road trip anywhere. I just wanted to get away for a bit - have no real set agenda and be able to stop and look and historical markers, eat at roadside diners - just hit the road. I asked J which direction he wanted to go, and he said East. He asked if we could make Nashville part of the trip. I said sure!

He proceeded to find a showcase he wanted to attend and to set up meetings with three of his contacts there so that before I knew it, we were on a schedule. We had to be there by a certain date and we had appointments the whole time, and on top of that, we ended up landing a gig the weekend before we left, and it cost a day or two of road time, so we ended up on a tight schedule to get to Nashville.

Not that But the visit there was a lot of fun. We had a chance to play a set while we were there, which was great, and I really enjoyed the folks I met. But I've decided that our next vacation will involve no work, no schedules and relaxing downtime only!

I did get validation of one thing that I learned last year when we took our vacation to Utah, though - J and I really travel well together! We can spend surprising amounts of time together, even couped up in a car, and not want to kill each other. I honestly never get tired of spending time with that man. It must be love. ;)

Anyway, here's how the week played out:

Day 1: Drive to Dallas. Visit Dealey Plaza, find a bathroom, get back on the road. Have dinner at Wendy's in Texarkana. See the most amazing sunset ever. Get back on the road. Arrive in Little Rock, Arkansas and spend the night.

Day 2: Drive through Arkansas to Memphis on really bad roads but with really pretty scenery. Stop in Memphis and enjoy several hours exploring Beale Street. Lunch at the Hard Rock, which had a big Elvis theme and was quite inspiring as a musician. We find out Lil Rounds is supposed to perform at the Hard Rock at 3:30. We stick around, but by 4:15, still no Lil, and we had to get on the road to Nashville to make the showcase J wanted to see, so we leave, just in time to see Lil coming down the road in a convertible, escorted by a marching band. Seriously.

We manage a quick stop at Graceland before leaving Memphis. We found it quite depressing, though, because the entire rock fence and sidewalk outside are covered with graffiti from "fans." If you're a real fan, I'm not sure you vandalize the man's home. Why not just piss on his grave while you're at it? Back on the road and off to Nashville.

Arrive in Nashville in time to find a hotel room, get changed and get to showcase. The showcase was cool. We saw three bands before deciding we were tired and ready to go to bed.

Day 3: Get up in time for the free breakfast at the hotel. Discover that "breakfast" is a relative term, since the Indian proprieters of our hotel defined it as 2 ripe bananas, 2 overripe bananas, powdered sugar donuts, apple and orange juices and saltines. You read that right. Saltines. For breakfast.

Lunch with an old friend of J's, who was quite fun. A visit to a guitar store in downtown Nashville, which had some really cool instruments. An afternoon meeting with his old entertainment lawyer. Back to the hotel to rest for a couple of hours, then out for an evening visit with another old friend of his - a fascinating musician and sculptor. Then on to the lunch friend's gig and an open mike where we got to play a set.

Day 4: Don't bother with breakfast at hotel (see Day 3's entry about breakfast). Check out and head to lunch friend's house for a last visit before we head east for Asheville, NC. After the visit, get back on road. An hour out of town, remember that we left our tempurpedic pillows at hotel. Return to Nashville. Now starving. Eat lunch and decide that to scrap Asheville from plans. Maybe Savannah? Visit Charlie Daniel's Museum, then discover that Savannah is 8 hours away. Scrap Savannah. Atlanta? Sure, let's go to Atlanta! I book room, and we head out on highway.

1.5 hours later, we see a sign that says, "Welcome to Alabama!" J cautiously asks, "Why are we in Alabama?" Umm...I don't know. Answer: we have taken wrong highway out of Nashville. We replot course for Atlanta, but 3 hours later, we abandon Atlanta. I eat the cost of the Atlanta hotel and we stop in Oxford, Alabama. We're just too tired to keep driving.

Day 5: We start heading back west. We stop in Birmingham, AL for lunch and I have my second taste of sweet tea (the first was in Nashville). I feel myself become momentarily diabetic and decide I will avoid sweet tea for the rest of my life. We make it to Jackson, Mississippi (commence singing Johnny Cash/June Carter song).

Day 6: We leave Jackson and continue west. We dance a little jig in the car when we see the "Welcome to Texas" sign. We are home! We stop in Tyler for the night and have a nice visit in the hotel pool with some guys from Houston. They're in Tyler for a croquet tournament. Who knew there even WERE croquet tournaments, much less in Tyler, Texas?

Day 7: We visit the Tyler Rose Garden before leaving town. It's spectactular, and I declare that if I'm ever forced to live in Tyler, I will spend all my time at the garden. We get on the road to head for Austin. J has plotted a course, and two hours in we discover that yet again, we have taken the wrong highway out of town. Fortunately, this time it works to our advantage. It's actually going to save us time, and the drive is much prettier than our original course would have been. I personally think these little unexepected routes make things more interesting. :)

We make it home, happy to have had our adventure and happy to be home! I luckily had another day before I had to go back to work so I could unpack and decompress before starting back to the grind. All in all, a great trip!

My two cents

I know it's supposed to be Sitcom Friday, but I haven't had a chance yet to comment about American Idol, and I feel like I must.

Since I griped weeks ago about Adam Lambert, I feel it is my duty to now issue a thought or two on his loss.

1. I won't lie. I'm glad Kris one. After Danny got tossed, and it was down to Kris or Adam, Kris was definitely my choice. And it's not because Adam is gay and I'm prejudiced or any of that rot. It's because Kris's STYLE is more sellable. This is a contest where the prize is a recording contract and, hopefully, a singing career, and while the Adam lovers out there can't gush enough about his amazing talent (and can't tell the rest of us enough about what plebes we are for not loving it to the core of our being), the fact is, the majority of people out there would not pay to listen in their cars to an entire album of his songs. They just wouldn't. Adam is a showman, and that's not what's being downloaded on iTunes.

2. That said, I have to make it clear that I DO feel Adam is talented. The fact that I don't care for his style and think Kris and Danny would make more profitable and listenable recording artists doesn't mean I can't appreciate his talent, and I definitely think he has a career ahead of him - on stage. Adam should be a stage performer. He should be on Broadway or should have a glam band of some kind that's all about theatrics and big lights and costume changes, etc. There's an audience out there for that, and they would LOOOOOOOVE Adam in that role. I'm just not in that audience, nor are the majority of American Idol voters, as evidenced by the fact that Kris not only won, but won by a large margin.

3. Not only do I think Adam is talented, I think he's a really nice guy. I really do. I think he's genuine and kind, and he's not some pompous ass that I snarl at every time he comes on stage. If I snarled at something, it was the bias the judges and media were showing him. I found that really unfair to the other contestants, and I hated that they wanted to manipulate me as a voter. But that's not Adam. He just went out there each week and did the best that he could, taking advantage of the resources at his disposal - AS HE SHOULD. Adam was never a jerk, and being a decent human being is far more important than being a talented one any day of the week. That will serve him for his entire life, and I wish him well because of it.

4. If someone preferred Kris or Danny to Adam, it doesn't mean they have an uneducated ear and that Americans are idiots or that we "got it wrong." You can't get it wrong. You like what you like, and you cast your vote in favor of that. There is no right or wrong - there's what people like or don't like.

If more people like Kris Allen/Keith Urban than do Adam Lambert/KISS, they're not wrong - they simply like something different than what the Lambert fans like. If someone is really super-talented at yodeling, you may be able to make an argument that, "Well, Kris Allen can't make his voice do that!" But if I don't like yodeling, then it doesn't matter how great the yodeler is, I'm still going to vote in favor of Kris Allen because I prefer what he does. And if that's what you like, you're not "wrong" - anymore than someone who prefers brunettes to blondes is "wrong." Blondes are not intrinsically more beautiful (sorry, J), and a person likes what they like, and while Adam is great at what he does, if I don't like what he does, then that's my preference/opinion, and it's valid - as valid as someone's preference FOR what Adam does.

So, the folks who like Lambert should stop ranting vitriol that the rest of us are stupid. And Adam should keep being the good person that he is and follow the path where his talent and hard work lead him, because it will definitely lead to success. And Kris should embrace the vote of confidence in what he has to offer that this win represents, and he should listen carefully to the professionals that will help guide him to success if he'll let them.

And that's my two cents. Have a great weekend!!

So close

This has been parked in my office building's parking lot this week:


It's a Lotus - no idea what year.

I'm no car aficionado, but even I know this car is expensive. Way more so than, say, my Hyundai (which I love - no diss intended, but I'm just tellin it like it is).

If someone in my building can afford this, then I'm very close to serious financial success. And by "close," I mean, "in proximity." I'm not, in fact, within striking distance of this success myself. I'm just saying it's nearby.

Gimme A Break!

You thought I was gonna rant, didn't you? But that would be so unlike me!

No, I'm referring to the 80s Nell Carter show, Gimme a Break. What's great about this show was how it portrayed both who I wanted to be and who I was. (See how it's always about me? Well, it is MY blog!) I *wanted* to be Nell, and I *was* Julie - nerdy smart girl with mousy brown permed hair and glasses. But oh, how I yearned to be the wise, smart-ass with the heart of gold and the sharp tongue! I wanted to be able to crack the whip and still have everyone love me.



Everyone assumes that every little girl wanted to be Katie - the beautiful blonde older sister. But for me, it was all about Nell. I even wanted to be a singer like Nell Carter, beltin' it out on the big stage and winning Tony awards (or Grammys or whatever else would denote a successful singing career). I was sad when she died in 2003. She was only 54 - much too young. That woman had a lot more singing to do and zingers to sling!

As a sidenote, I also complained alot that they needed to cut Joey Lawrence's hair. I was never much into that bowl cut he had. He seems to have taken my advice to heart. Whoa! (Yes, I know that's a Blossom reference, not Gimme A Break, but hey - gimme a break!)

I thought we settled this in 1984.

I remember when I saw Footloose as a freshman in high school, it seemed far-fetched. A town with no dancing allowed? Come on, now! That kinda thing doesn't really exist. It was the 80s for pity's sake! The 20th century! But it had a great soundtrack, so I'd suspend my disbelief for a couple of hours. Let's hear it for the boy!

But apparently, such nonsense does, in fact, exist. And not just in Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan, but right here in the good ole U.S.A.! A Christian high school in Ohio actually suspended one of its students for attending his girlfriend's public high school prom.

Unfreakinbelievable.

I wonder if the kids at that school are also not allowed to view Michelangelo's David and if books with curse words are burned? For the record, I'm a Christian, so I'm not some religion hater, but seriously. Those people need to get a grip. There is nothing evil about dancing. BABIES dance to music before they can even walk or talk! It's human, and it's fun, and it's exercise, and doesn't lead to anything that can't be led to without dancing. Do some people dirty it up? Sure. Just like songs, or language, or photography, or any other form of communication. But because some people want to make something ugly doesn't mean all forms of it should be banned. If that were the case, a lot of beauty, joy, celebration and even glorification would never be experienced.

So dance, Ohio kids! Dance, I say!

I think I have no choice, really, but to post the video of the Footloose title track:



And for good measure, here I am last summer at the mill from the movie - the one where Ren worked and they held their dance. That's right - THE mill! (I think that's a Burger King drive-thru across the street that I'm standing in if I remember correctly...it's not quite like it was in 1984 anymore.)



The girl gets around. And I'm holding out for a hero.

Would you like fries with that?

Austin dodged a bullet. We came *this* close to having a mayor named Brewster McCracken. I'm so not joking - that's a real name by a real political candidate.

That would've meant Austin's highest official would've been Mayor McCracken. Tell me that doesn't sound like Mayor McCheese.

Luckily, he bowed out of the run-off with Lee Leffingwell. I honestly don't know the man's politics. I just moved back into the city two months ago (before then I was outside city limits and couldn't vote in city elections, so I didn't keep up), and was way too busy getting settled in to get educated on the candidates and be in a position to vote. But I have to believe it's in the city's interest to have a Mayor Leffingwell instead of a Mayor McCracken.

I know that sounds shallow, but the man's name sounds like a 9-year-old boy's joke about his butt. "Hey, pull up your pants - I can see your McCracken!!" That couldn't have been an advantage to our national reputation, could it?

No, this is for the best. Leffingwell. Sounds like "living well." I think that's more what we're going for.

Maybe this will be a new trend for me - picking political candidates based on their names. It would certainly save me time on researching the issues!

There's gonna be troublllle!

This week's trip down Sitcom Memory Lane is probably mostly for the ladies. It was the show that made every girl want to go away to boarding school: "The Facts of Life." I chose the Season 4 theme song since that's really the way I remember the girls of Eastland. Season 1 had too large of a cast (including a VERY young Molly Ringwald!):



But as we all know, "It takes a lot to get 'em right." This is the song and the cast that I think of when I think of "The Facts of Life":

Gotta love my new neighborhood

I've seriously got to keep the camera more handy around my new house.

The other night, I was out front, and the lady next door whispered for me to Look! Quick! I looked across at the cemetery where she was pointing, and there were a beautiful pair of foxes. Seems they hang out there at night. Awesome! J and I watched again the next night, and there were three, so there must be a little family of them that hunt for mice and such. Who knew? I've been trying to figure out how to get a picture without scaring them with a flash, but mostly I'll have to make sure my cat doesn't think she can tangle with them. That is a trip to the vet I do not need.

But as cool as the foxes are, it just got a whole lot weirder. Just now, I glanced out the window as a lady passed by walking her two dogs on a leash, and trailing behind her, right on her heels was a white...dog? NO! It was a goat! A goat, out for a walk with Mom and the dogs in the middle of the city! The cruised by too quickly for me to grab the camera, but I'm going to have to start documenting this neighborhood.

My, oh my, how I do love this new house!

They're droppin like flies!

Aw, man. Now Dom Deluise has died. That guy had one of the best all-time laughs. Hands down. Rest in peace, Dom.

One Day at a Time

So, the whole "Maude" thing a few days ago got me nostalgic for the sitcoms of my youth. Not only do I enjoy TV, but as a singer, I'm also a fan of the TV theme song (thus my mention yesterday of the Greatest American Heroes band - that's two plugs, guys - what do I get for my marketing efforts??). So, I decided to take a little trip down memory lane and find some of my favorite 70s sitcom theme songs to share.

I think I may make this a standing Friday thang for a while, in the same vein as Judy's Friday Flashback of 80s music videos. I ran out of steam quickly when I started to do this with cartoons (mostly because so few people shared my cartoon humor), but I think I'm gonna hit some gold with sitcoms. You all like to pretend you're too good for TV, but I'm gonna be bringin' back some memories with the gems I dig up! Take it to the bank!

So "Maude" notwithstanding, since I didn't actually get the theme song, let's start this nostalgia train with a litte "One Day at a Time." This is a good one. Mackenzie Phillips before the drugs caught up to her. Bonnie Franklin when hip women believed that bra-less was cool (until they all discovered their boobs had gotten all droopy and stretch-marked). Schneider - because it's fun to say his name. Valerie Bertinelli when she was young and cute. Oh, how I wanted her hair! And I learned a valuable lesson from this show: running away with your teenage boyfriend in his van is not as much fun as you think it will be.

You swine!

What's old is new again:

And then there's Maude...

I'm a little late getting to this, but Bea Arthur died this past week. I always liked the way she delivered a sharp line with her withering glare. The line always came after a long pause that had you laughing before she even got to the jab. I looked for a clip of her doing one of those trademark cuts, but I couldn't find one.

I also looked for the Maude theme song, which I like. There's a band here in Austin called The Greatest American Heroes, and their schtick is that they perform all TV theme songs. It's way fun to see them and sing along, and they always start their show with the Maude theme song. It's got groove, baby! But I couldn't find that either (except a version where Rosie O'Donnell is singing it to Bea, and I just can't abide by Rosie O'Donnell).

So, instead, I'll include this tribute to Bea that someone put together. God'll getcha for that.

Spin - like Web MD but different

I happened to see the cover of Spin magazine this morning - I guess it's the most recent issue. It has No Doubt on it. Anyway, I glanced at the blurbs enticing you to read the stories inside. Gwen Stefani is going to perform again with No Doubt. "I felt like I was cheating on them!" she exclaimed, according to the cover.

Then I looked at the other blurbs. It promised health tips from rock stars. Hmmm - seems like an odd resource for health advice, but I'll bite. So, I look at the quote from some guy from some band I've never heard of: "I've stopped smoking crack!"

Um.

Isn't that kind of like saying, "I've stopped pointing a loaded pistol at my head and pulling the trigger!" and claiming that's a health tip?

This is why you come here.

So, I've been working a cold, or possibly allergy, since Saturday. Sore throat for a couple of days, followed by several days of congestion headache and constant nose-blowing. Good times.

Last night, I decided to use some nose spray to help open up the old sinus passages before I went to bed - try to keep down the possibility of any snoring since J is a light sleeper and the slightest noise in the night is met with, "It's like Armageddon in here!" (Okay, he's never actually said that, but he IS a light sleeper and everything wakes him up.)

I grab the bottle, shove it up one of my breathing holes, as instructed, squeeze the bottle and FWUP!! The entire nozzle decapitated from the bottle and propelled itself up my nostril with such force that it actually stuck! I'm not even joking. Because we're past the first two months of dating, I stepped into the doorway without removing it and said to J, "Look at this! Can you believe this??" He laughed, thank God, instead of turning away and saying, "Gross!" I followed up by asking, "Who does this happen to besides me?" He had no answer.

Since I didn't think to grab a camera, there is no still photography or video of the event, so instead, I'll share this with you today. It'll be stuck in your head all day. You're welcome.

I'll just have a Diet Coke.

So, I'm clawing back to normalcy after an extremely rough work week last week. My company had its annual conference last week, and it involves many, many extra hours, mostly on my feet, with very little sleep. I've decided I'm getting too old for all that.

I'm also much too old to do things like getting shit-faced drunk in front of my co-workers and professional peers, to the point that I'm drunk-crying in a service area beause I can't find my purse, and other professional people who are actually *working* the event I'm at must be assigned to me as a "keeper" because no one is sure I won't end up falling face-first down an escalator in the foyer. I have discovered that other people in my industry are NOT too old for this, despite the fact that they are a good 10-15 years older than I am. There's a word for that: pathetic.

Now, I'll admit that I pretty much don't drink anymore. J doesn't drink and doesn't like it if I do, and it wasn't an important enough activity for me to keep doing it if it bothered him. So, I'm admittedly out of that lifestyle to a great degree. But even before I started dating J, I had come to the conclusion that heavy drinking was probably something I'd do best to avoid, based on how I felt the next day. Yes, there's the obvious: a hangover. I despise feeling sick and losing the entire next day to feeling like shit and knowing I'd done it all to myself. It rarely seemed worth it in the light of day.

But there was also the anxiety. I'd often find myself replaying the night before and wondering how big of an ass I'd made of myself. Had I been annoying? Had I said something embarrasing? Did I just plain look like a stupid drunk? I never, ever came away feeling like, "Wow, I really did myself a favor last night!" So, J notwithstanding, I'd come to the conclusion that large amounts of alcohol really didn't serve me well on the whole.

So, it surprises me that other people go year after year, getting older, growing wiser, but they don't seem to learn that lesson. I'm not talking about a glass of wine with dinner or the occasional extra cocktail or two that leaves a gregarious buzz - I'm talking about can-barely-walk, might-throw-up, slurring, gonna-wanna-die-in-the-morning sauced.

And if you didn't want to give up that lovely experience for life, wouldn't you at least decide at some point that your best bet is to reserve that condition for family and friends, who love you, not people you have to work with, either in-house or customers - people who need to believe in your competence and judgement in order to do business with you? If nothing else, it just doesn't seem like a good professional choice.

But maybe I'm missing something important in the corporate culture. Maybe that's why I haven't climbed "the ladder" any further than I have. Luckily, I'm not really interested in climbing much higher. I'm pretty sure I'd just end up falling off after a few drinks.

Everyone has their limit.

I think my attic has had enough.

I've been filling it up pretty good since we moved in. The new house is smaller than the old one, but the attic has more usable space, so I've been methodically filling it with things that were once stored in spare closets.

It's been a chore. We've had to put down plywood to create a floor, and it's been hot up there. Some of the boxes are quite heavy, and while you can stand up in some places, mostly you're crouching as you move around up there - sometimes with a heavy box in your hands, which is awesome for your back. The a.c. unit and water heater are up there, so there are lines of various kinds running around that you have to be careful not to knock around, and there's insulation that you don't want to get all over yourself. Oh, and we don't have a pull-down staircase, so we've had to get the ladder out every time we want to get up there, which has been frequent.

So, all in all, it's been a pain, but it's been effective. Last night, I was putting the last of the stuff up there, and I guess I should've told that to the attic. "Attic, this is the last of it. We won't be bothering you too often from here on out." I say this because it attacked me.

I got up the ladder and was crouched over the door opening so that as J handed boxes up to me, I could grab them and then put them where I wanted them. I was in the same spot I'd been in many times over the last few weeks with no problems. But then it happened. I raised up, and the roof attacked me. I know what you're thinking - "She banged her head." If only. No, one of the roofing tacks (the terribly sharp and unclean nails used to attach the shingles to your roof) reached out and stabbed itself into my lower back. And when I say it stabbed me, I don't mean that it scratched me - I mean that it punctured a hole into my back. I guess the attic had reached the end of its patience with my intrusion.

I said many bad words...or more accurately, just one bad word over and over with great force. And J looked at my with wide eyes, trying to figure out what exactly had happened. I don't remember if I told him or not, but I do remember saying, "Let's just finish this!" Yes, I went ahead and moved up all the boxes before descending to inspect the damage. Had I been injured and not finished the job, it would've seemed like it was for naught. So, we finished, and then I went down and J did triage.

There was a nice, round puncture - very tender, but not bleeding. J cleaned it with peroxide and put on the old standard: neosporin and a bandaid. I had a tetanus shot a few years ago for something else, so I was good on that score. And by this morning, it was actually looking really good. You can hardly see it among all my freckles, moles, etc. But the attic should know - this ain't over.