Happy New Year!

May you ring in 2009, and spend it, with someone you love. :)

How about just eating less and exercising?

Everywhere I turn online lately, I see ads for "Oprah's Acai Berry Diet!"

I don't know what an acai berry is, but in case the marketers for this wonder fruit hadn't heard, Oprah recently announced that she now weighs in at 200 pounds. If I were looking for a diet, I probably wouldn't choose the one Oprah is on.

(Note: I went to search for a photo of the ads I've been seeing to include it on here, and somehow I stumbled on an ad/blog promoting colon cleansing. It included a photo of what "might be in your colon" if you're not cleansing. It was so disgusting I had to stop searching for photos, lest I accidentally land on another such image. What's wrong with people?)

Happy Holidays, punks.

So, J and I made an unpleasant discovery yesterday. The wind was blowing pretty badly, and we thought we heard some stuff flying around outside. He looked out the window and saw that two of the slats in my gate had broken off at the top. Sheeeeeesh, we thought! That's *some* wind!

I then went outside and discovered that one of the posts on my fence had also broken, and the fence was swaying in the wind. That fence cost me $1800 six years ago and has been absolute crap. My father has had to shore it up every year in one place or another with long bolts, and the stretch that was swaying yesterday is one of the last sections that my dad hasn't had to secure, so I wasn't surprised.

As I'm looking at the fence, though, I spot something on ground near the gate. It was the solar screen from the window by the gate. It was on the ground and twisted on one side, and the two pieces of broken-off slat from the gate were under it. "Good grief!" I'm thinking. "What's going on out here?" But my immediate concern is the fence since the whole thing is just swaying now, like it's going to come down.

I go in and tell J, and he grabs his tools, and we go out and secure the fence, at least temporarily. We also bring the screen in to look at it. It's fixable, so he bends it back and replaces it. But the more we think about it, somethin' ain't right.

We look at the gate. The broken pieces were inside the fence, but you know what? They broke off the other way. And the gate is pulled out by an inch or more at the bottom. We look closer at the screen. There's a thumb mark. Shit. This wasn't wind damage - someone tried to break in.

J called the cops, and a really cool deputy came out. He verified that it was an attempted break-in - he pointed out some other evidence that we hadn't noticed, and he said that there had been a rash of break-ins in the cul-de-sac around the corner. He said he had some suspects, but the other people hit wouldn't press charges, including one lady who had been hit multiple times. I know this lady - she doesn't speak English, and to be honest, I'm surprised she even called the cops. J told him that we'd press charges if they caught anyone, though. Here's the best part about the damage to my gate: the gate on the other side was unlocked. Idiots. Criminals and idiots - great combination.

So, we'll be stepping up our safety precautions around the casa. We're not sure what scared the punks away from actually breaking into the house after they'd already damaged it and started their attempt to break in, but whatever it was, hopefully it's permanent and they won't try here again. We'll keeping a vigilant eye out, though, and we'll be making sure the new house has an alarm system installed before we move in there. Too bad that bad people force us to live in wired fortresses, isn't it?

Christmas cards

If I've blogged before about this, I apologize (I'm far too lazy to actually go look and see if I have). On second thought, I don't apologize, because the fact that I need to blog about it again means I must not have gotten through to everyone the first time, so really, it's your own fault that I'm blogging about it again. If I've already blogged about it.

I'm talking about Christmas cards. I send Christmas cards every year, and I enjoy getting them. I love the letter kind where people tell you about their year, and I also really like the kind with photos. (Though I'll admit right now, I've been bad about not sending either of those kind in the past myself.) Christmas cards are one of those "touching base" kinda things where you can stay in touch with people you don't keep up with otherwise - not even on a blog or Facebook. It's a "Hello! I still remember you exist!" and "This is what I look like now!"

Except that I've found that for most people, it's *not* a "This is what I look like now!" It's a "This is what my kids look like now!" Here's the thing about that. Unless I have a relationship with your kids, I'm way more interested in how YOU look. YOU are the one I know, not your kids. I know your kids exist, and a *family* picture showing you and your kids is interesting - I like to see if I can spot resemblances and it helps me remember your kids aren't toddlers anymore. But if the only photo you send is of your kid, I gotta tell you, I'm disappointed. When I see that photo, all I'm really wondering is what YOU look like - you...my friend...the person I know.

So, I'll make you a deal. Next year, I will try to send a card with a photo that has ME in it, and you send a card with a photo that has YOU in it. I may even get crazy and try to write a letter to go with mine. But that's not part of the deal - that's just a thought I'm having now, with 364 days to go until next Christmas. The deal just includes the photo. And yes, the photo must be recent.

Merry Christmas, everbuddy!

I won't be posting for a couple of days, so I'll leave you with another video clip from a classic Christmas movie (my definition of "classic" may be different from yours): Christmas Vacation.

Enjoy, and have a great Christmas, everyone!

That's what I get for exercising.

Interesting weekend, weather-wise around here. We hit 80 on Saturday, followed by a high in the 40s on Sunday! Craaaaazy. Luckily, we had warning that this is how it would be, so Saturday, J and I decided to get in a bike ride down by the lake before the cold hit.

We biked down the Town Lake trail, checked out the cool pics that are now part of the bridge along 1st Street (FINE - call it Cesar Chavez if you will, but when it was 1st Street, people knew where it was), headed back to the East side where we had parked, then decided to ride past our new house. That's where it all went wrong.

There are rail tracks around that area, and I had ended up kind of among them. I knew that I should get clear of them, but was watching for a spot where there wasn't a gap between the rail and the pavement - minimize the chance of catching my tire in the tracks. J, apparently, had the same concerns. I heard him say something to me and thought he was telling me to turn onto the street we were passing. So, I turned abruptly...right into a groove between the rail and pavement.

My wheel caught, stopping my bike while my body continued forward. I managed to jump clear of the bike as it went down, stumbled forward for what seemed like about 50 steps, then just as I thought I might have my feet under me, my torso pitched forward, and I had no choice but to put my hand down to catch myself. Few things feel as awesome as skin on pavement. If you'd like to check it out yourself, some of mine is still there, down around 3rd Street and Pedernales.

I ended up scraping the crap out of the lower part of my palm and jamming my middle finger on my left hand. It could've been far worse, but that's been enough to cause some discomfort the last couple of days. I think we're all relieved to know that even with my hand all banged up, I can still play my bass, though. We had rehearsal yesterday. The show must go on, you know. :) Oh, and for the record, J wasn't telling me to turn. He was telling me I shouldn't be riding in the rail tracks. Irony, right? (Yes, Alanis Morrisette - that's what irony is. Not rain on your wedding day.)

Anyway, this was on top of banging my head into a cabinet door when I sneezed the other day, so I think I may have some sort of self-destructive streak in my subconscous that I'm unaware of. Or possibly someone has voodoo-dolled me. I find that uncharitable, especially at Christmastime. Santa's gonna be leavin' someone some coal.

Almost forgot...

It's Friday! I'm so busy rambling on about my NEW HOUSE, I forgot that it's video Friday. In honor of next week's festivities, here's a little sumpin from one of my favorite holiday movies. Let's get excited, people!!

Santa's bringin' me a house for Christmas.

So, as if I didn't have enough going on this holiday season, I've completely lost my mind and decided to buy a house. Yes, I already have a house. No, I'm not selling the one I already have. No, I'm not kidding. Let me explain.

Last May, I put my house on the market, with the intention of buying a house closer in to town. I love my current house, but it's kind of in the middle of nowhere and it's not turning out to be the investment I had expected it to be when I bought it six years ago. At the time, it seemed like a good gamble. It was in the only area of town that really had any room for growth, and there was a brand new tollway coming in only a couple of miles away, and it was a fantastic house for the price. I figured I'd have it about two years, and then I could sell it for a profit and move up/in.

The problem is, they kept building more new houses (meaning I was competing against brand new houses with builder incentives), but they didn't build any of the infrastructure I expected - more roads in and out, a grocery store, etc. There's been a *little* of that - a traffic light installed, the road widened by the elementary school around the corner - but overall, it's the same remote kind of setup it was when I bought. So, the value hasn't increased. In fact the appraisal is less than I paid. Not cool.

So, I decided to sell and see if I could at least break even and try again in a more optimistic location. And then the market crashed. Before I even got an offer, I was competing against foreclosures. After 5 months on the market, I never got an offer. So, I took it off.

But all this time, I was watching the listings in the area I wanted to move to. I figured I'd try again in the spring. Until a week ago. I had seen a house worth watching get listed the week before. I added it to my stack. Then last week it suddenly dropped in price. Like a lot. Like...I could buy the place and still keep the one I'm in. Hmmm...

The next day we're looking at the outside and calling Realtors. The next day we're in it, looking around. The next I'm making an offer. The next the offer is accepted. The next we're calling inspectors, insurance people, filling out mountains of paperwork. Bottom line, here we are a week later, with every indication that I will very soon have a new house, 8 minutes from my job, and be looking for someone to rent my other house until the market comes back enough for me to sell without losing my shirt. CRAZY!!!

Luckily, I have several friends who are doing exactly what I'm about to do, so I have lots of people to lean on for advice about renting out my house and renovation, etc. And as fast as it's all going, it also feels like it's all been going on since May, so it doesn't really feel as fast as it sounds. It's just a little different from how I first expected it to play out. But I'm excited, and I really think it's going to all work out very well!

So, wish me luck that all the t's get crossed and the i's get dotted and I will soon have lots of DIY posts to bore you with!

I do not trust the calm.

Have you ever been in such a whirlwind of activity that when it finally backs off, even if just for a day, you feel a little lost - like you should be working on something frantically (as you have been for days), but you're not sure what? Yeah. Me too.

The last week has been absolutely crazy for me. Holiday stuff, and some medical stuff, and a big project, and an unusually busy workload - I've just barely made it through each day, checking and re-checking to make sure nothing important slipped through the cracks. And then today, I get to the office, start looking around me, and nothing is on fire. I have some stuff to do, but it's actually manageable. And while today will be long - a social engagement right after work means I won't get home until late in the evening - it doesn't look like it's going to be as overwhelming as the last week has been. The pace is actually something approaching normal, as opposed to a tornado inside a hurricane, like every other day for the past week.

I can't be sure that it won't all start back up again before the day is over or by tomorrow. But at least there's been this morning. I think I'll double-check my daytimer again, just to make sure I haven't forgotten something vital...

Why you gotta make me go "grrrr"?

So, I was all determined to write a happy post today. I had a good weekend. I got to spend time with my favorite boyfriend, got to sleep in, got to have dinner with my friend Sheila at a great little SoCo restaurant I'd never been to before. I did my nails. I finished my Christmas decorating. It's all good, right?

Then I went out to lunch to do some Christmas shopping, and right in front of me at a red light, the guy in the car ahead of me opens his driver's side door and empties his entire nasty-ass car ashtray in the street! Just dumped his trash all over the road! Boy, that ticked me off.

The street is not a Dumpster. If you want to live in a nice place, you have to treat where you live nicely. You can give some people the nicest car on the lot, and they will have it banged up and smelling bad before it's off the lot. You could give them a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and they will park on the lawn (I know because I used to see it all the time in my neighborhood when it was BRAND NEW). You could give them a beautiful, clean city, and they will spraypaint graffiti all the over the walls and break bottles and throw their cigarette butts in the street. And then you know what they'll do? Complain because the place is a dirty and run-down - it's somehow the world's fault instead of their own that they're vomitting in their own bed (and I chose the nicer term there, just FYI).

I hate litter. I hate graffiti. I hate destruction for the sake of it. This is a beautiful city. And it's a privilege to live here. If you want to throw garbage on the ground/floor/street, do it inside your own house, and admit that you don't think you deserve anything better. But don't ruin the beautiful atmosphere here for the rest of us, who actually appreciate our lovely city and make an effort to preserve its beauty. Like our lungs, we like our streets clean.

Grrrr! (This is not to be confused with Mike Straka's GRRR! column on FoxNews.com. But "Grumble." didn't have the same impact.)

Naughty Christmas Video Friday!

I put "naughty" in the title so no one would be confused or say they weren't warned. Let me reiterate, this video is not for kids. It's not porn - it aired on broadcast television, but it aired on SNL, at night, after the kiddos would be in bed, so it's grown-up hilarity. So, if that's something that bothers you, don't push play on the video. Have we all been warned? We're not going to send chastising, blame-filled comments about how I ruined anyone's day, weekend or Christmas season? Good. Then, let's get to it.

I'll call this one an oldie but a goodie, though it's only a couple of years old. I think it's one of the first things that Justin Timberlake did for SNL showing what a great sense of humor he has. It's a spoof of his old boy-band 90s music days, and it's all about a "special" kinda Christmas present.

So, as you finish up your Christmas shopping and plan for the big day coming up in a week and a half, just remember to beware if your man doesn't have to use his hands to carry his gift to you. And unwrap it carefully.

Valkyrie

Tom Cruise has a new movie out. It's called Valkyrie, and it's based on a true story - about an attempted assassination of Hitler during World War II.

I'm kind of a WWII buff, so I know the story, and it's a good one. So, I'd like to see a movie about it. The only problem is that I don't really like Tom Cruise, and the trailer I saw the other day made me purse my lips. It showed Tom and some compatriots discussing the plan for the assassination attempt, and someone says they need someone to carry it out, and Tom's character says, "I'll do it" in a very resolute tone.

I told J that the thing that bugs me is that I think Tom actually sees himself as that guy. I think he actually believes that he could single-handedly save the world, if necessary, and that he would, in fact, step up resolutely to plant the bomb to take out the tyrant. I think he thinks of himself as a bit of a superhero. And that makes it hard for me to watch him. He's a great actor, but when I think he's kind of just playing himself, or rather how he sees himself, well...it makes my lips purse.

Brad Pitt doesn't really do anything for me, and I tend to think he takes himself a little too seriously, but then he shows a sense of humor about his roles, like in "Burn After Reading" or even with "Ocean's Eleven" and I like him better. And I can't stand Sean Penn on a personal level, but he's an amazing actor who takes on a wide variety of roles that aren't just a reflection of who he thinks he is, so I can lose myself in his performance. I can forget that I loathe him in real life and just go for the ride because his characters are diverse and interesting and he's so great.

But lately Tom just kind of plays the same guy all the time - the hero. Or maybe it just feels that way. And since I kinda think that's who he thinks he is, and I don't, well...I just can't enjoy it as much. And that sucks since I'd really like to see a well-done adaptation of the Valkyrie story.

To speaker or not to speaker. There is no question.

So, I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office today when I heard a phone ring loudly. It's a large waiting room, serving several doctors, and there were quite a few people waiting, and I was all the way at the end away from the reception desk, so I was pretty sure it wasn't the switchboard phone I was hearing. But whoever's phone it is, they weren't answering. After an eternity, one of the other patients finally answers - it was his cell phone.

The call was from Sprint. It was a courtesy call to see if the phone owner needed anything. I know this because the patient answered the phone IN SPEAKER MODE. Yes - like a Nextel, more popularly known as The Most Annoying Phone Ever.

Not to all speakerphone users: none of the rest of us want to hear your conversation. We really don't. It's not only boring, it's annoying. And with the thing on speaker, you're yelling. I promise you, you're talking louder than you would if you were holding the phone to your ear/mouth.

Now, I'm all about cell phones. I'm not one of those people who wrings my hands and spouts off about how I wish I didn't have to have one, but I need it for safety purposes or work purposes or some other excuse. I love my cell phone. I feel naked if I leave home with out it accidentally. Nextel walkie-talkie style communication, however, is an abomination. It's audal rape. I'm forced against my will to listen to your conversation - both sides.

So, here's the rule: If you're in the privacy of your car or some other non-public space, talk on speaker to your heart's content. But if you're in public, either answer your phone in private mode, where you can keep your voice down and those around you don't have to listen to the Sprint guy asking you if there's anything you need or your wife giving you a grocery list or your co-worker asking how the thingamajig fits the whosits joint on the gefeltefish machine, then just send the call to voice mail and return it later when you're not in a waiting room, restaurant, movie theater, bus or place where people around you can't just walk away while you yell into the receiver. Trust me - people will like you better.

Do you haiku?

A haiku for my experiences today at Thundercloud and 7-Eleven:

Behind the counter
Just make my sandwich or change
Transaction, not date

BCS: Big Crock of Sh....

I heard someone ask a good question this weekend. They wanted to know when they "C" was added to BCS.

Someone also suggested that the Big 12 Championship game this year should have been called the "Teams Texas Has Already Beaten Bowl."

What a complete load of stinking, steaming garbage the standings are. And Bob Stoops needs to just shut the f up and go play his unearned national championship berth (let me rephrase that - he should just shut up and go get his ass handed to him by Florida), because every time he tries to justify why Oklahoma is there instead of Texas, it just sounds even more ridiculous than the last time he tried to justify it and makes me hate him even more. I know - who knew that was even possible?

When the season is said and done, everyone is going to be standing there saying that Oklahoma never should've been in that game. Mark my words. What's going to happen on the field is going to prove that Texas is the better team (as we already proved on the field in Dallas in October) and that the BCS got it wrong. AGAIN.

Get a damn clue, college football. The BCS doesn't work. Too many teams have been screwed by it, and no one believes in it anymore. Who are we kidding - no one has EVER believed in it! Get a playoff system in place, and let's do this right.

As far as the other bowl games that got scheduled, I'm not thrilled with some of the matchups. Some look good, but games I would've liked to have seen:

BYU vs. Texas Tech
Texas vs. Alabama
Penn State vs. Utah

Birthday wishes...

to my friend Laurie! Laurie is one of those special people that you cannot know and not love. That's alotta nots. Let's say it simpler: To know Laurie is to love her. It's just a fact!

So, here's to one more year of fabulousness Laurie! I hope that this year is filled with all the happiness you can stand, and I look forward to celebrating your existence tomorrow night! :)

Another TV post

This one will be much shorter than yesterday's. I just want to know if anyone else out there is loving Fringe as much as J and I are?

That show is great! I love the guy who used to play Pacey on Dawson's Creek (Joshua Jackson), but I think the guy who really makes the show is Walter, the mad scientist. The actor who plays Walter (John Noble) is fantastic! He's really created a great character - or should I say that the writers created a great character and Noble has brought him to life. I gotta figure that the process takes both parts for the character to really work - good writing and a good delivery.

In any case, Walter is awesome. You never know what's going to come out of his mouth, and you find yourself hanging on every word just in case a gem pops out. His random comments are hilarious and it cracks me up how he just can't seem to learn his assistant's name (Astrid), so he just calls her "Miss" now. I particularly liked the episode where he kept calling her Astro. But that's the Jetsons lover in me. And Peter's reactions to Walter's ramblings are always perfect.

And all of that is separate from the really cool storylines. I'm not even a big sci-fi lover, and I love this show. So, if you haven't checked it out, you should! Do yourself a favor, though, and catch up on previous episodes via the web. The whole season is online, and you'll enjoy the show more if you know the backstory.

So check it out!

The Frats are in the finals??? WHAT???

Well, I really can't believe how this week's Amazing Race turned out. It's just unbelievable that the Frats can still be in this thing. They have to be one of the worst teams to ever run this thing, and I'm just staggered they've survived. But let's talk about how they pulled it off this week.

Cab it to a Russian submarine. As always, teams are at the mercy of their cabbies, and all but one team ended up on the submarine at the same time. Considering the size of a submarine, it's a little suprising they all ended up in the same room getting their clues at pretty much the same time, but so goes it.

Cab it to the Graveyard of Fallen Monuments for a Roadblock. What a weird place, huh? I mean, what's the deal? If some monument gets replaced, the old one goes to this park? Are they afraid if they destroy a likeness of Lenin or Stalin, the old psychos will return to haunt them? How about if they just called it Graveyard of Monuments to Tyrants? In any case, J and I agreed that I'd have rocked at this Roadblock. I know what Lenin and Stalin look like and I have an eye for detail, so I think I would've gotten through this quickly.

During this Roadblock is where Toni and Dallas made their fatal mistake. Dallas held all the passports and money for his team, which he managed to leave in a cab. This happened not because Dallas is a moron, because anyone could be moving fast and focused on the task and leave something behind. This happened because Toni and Dallas broke an absolute tenet of traveling in a foreign country. Keep your passport and your money ON YOU. And with the money, DIVIDE IT UP.

Don't let anyone carry your passport for you, and don't carry it in a bag or anywhere it could fall out or get left somewhere. Keep it on your person. And with money, never have one person holding it all, and never have your entire stash in one spot. Put some in your pocket, some in your shoe, some wherever you've stashed your passport. If you've got a safe at your hotel, put some of it in there. If you have a bag and you want your money in it for easy access, then fine, but only put a portion of it in there for precisely the reason of what happened to Dallas. If you have all of your valuables in one spot, it could be breached or lost and you're screwed. So like your investments, spread it around.

I'm pretty sure it was this error that cost Toni and Dallas the game, though I suppose if they hadn't made the error of taking the metro to the Shetland pony lady (see below), they probably could've passed Dan and Andrew and finished ahead of them. But I also think the time they spent begging for money to get the places they needed to go cost them too much time. Though I must comment on how amazingly generous all the people in Russia were. I maintain it's the cameras - people know it's a TV show and that the players aren't just some cons or vagrants, so they're more willing to give up some cash to the cause. Plus they want to look good on camera. They're afraid they'll look like jerks saying no. In any case, though, T&D seemed to have little trouble getting money from strangers. But just having to take the time to ask cost them.

An observation about the book shop part of this task. When Tina guessed the right number and then told Dallas the answer and proceeded to tell him he owed her, then bragged to Toni about giving him the answer, did anyone feel like they were back at the airport in the early part of the season when she bragged to everyone that she'd gotten the airline to give them a bigger plane? That woman is SO annoying! She can't do anything without needing credit, and then she had the balls to complain that Ken never says anything supportive when he's constantly building her up, and I have yet to hear her acknowledge any of the good things he does. She never cheers him on or tells him he did a great job or anything. It's just pretty much a constant stream of nagging.

Travel to park and find lady with Shetland pony. Starr didn't know a Shetland pony was a real horse. She thought it might be a ponytail. Seriously, Starr? This is where the Frats had to do their extra task. It involved dancing. I'm suprised Andrew didn't kill himself trying to dance considering his marching performance.

Detour: Ride the Lines or Ride the Rails. I think I would've picked Ride the Rails, because I do love-a the subway, though I admit I'd have been intimidated by the Cyrillic writing everywhere. It would have been easy to make a mistake. And there's a fair chance I would've eaten the samsa, so I hope the clue was clear that you had to give it to the lady at the end to get your next clue.

Travel from DKNY Park, I mean VNDKh Park, to the Pit Stop. Nick and Starr easily cruise to the Pit Stop first and win yet another trip. I think these two are definitely the favorites to win the whole thing. The Frats came in *second* (staggering, I tell you) because Ken and Tina couldn't find the cluebox (I'm sure it was all Ken's fault, right Tina?). J and I hoped that Dallas and Toni might get there before they found it because while we like Ken, we can't stand Tina, but no such luck. They were just too handicapped without their money and passports.

They had a pretty amazing experience, though, and won and extra trip along the way, so it's all good. It's not a million dollars, but it was a pretty great ride for them, no?

"That's where the baby goes."

That subject line will only make sense to one person. I don't normally resort to inside jokes here on the blog, but bear with me.

I found the following webcam today. J, it won't appeal to you, but to the rest of the planet, whose hearts are not frozen, it will be a source of much smiling, as it is a live feed of a gaggle of puppies frolicking and rough-housing and just generally being puppies. It's entertaining just on its face, but it also strikes me in another way.

See, I grew up with just one sibling. Just me and my bro. There were many times that we built forts from lamps and blankets (I still remember the smell of the fire we started), or played board games (It's a natural reaction to pound the board from underneath and send the pieces flying all over the room when you lose, OKAY??) or came up with our own games (like Steamroller, which consisted of me rolling over my brother and him barely noticing, then him rolling over me and stopping when his full weight was crushing me into the floor and me trying to breathe - good times). There were also many times that we each we pretended we were only children, which is a whole other post. On the whole, though, there wasn't much in the way of chaos. It was all pretty manageable for my parents.

J, on the other hand, was one of eight siblings. Eight. Madness, right? How did his parents keep from running away? I do not know. As you might imagine, J has some stories from his childhood, and as I watch these puppies, I have to believe it must be a fair representation of his family home at some point. Am I right or am I right?

Another Amazing Tuesday Recap

So, let's talk about this week's Amazing Race, shall we?

1. Fly to Russia. J and I agreed that Russia would be a cool destination. We'd each like to see it some day. I thought when I saw the instructions, though, that Russia could be challenging race-wise. The language barrier could be a real problem since I wouldn't expect a lot of cabbies and folks on the street to speak English like you might find in other countries. I'm sure Sarah probably speaks Russian - she seemed to speak every other language on this race - but she's gone now.

At the airpot, the Frats had to buy new shoes. J and I still don't understand why they didn't/couldn't just go back to the theater and get their shoes after they'd checked in at the pit stop the day before. If there was some legitimate reason why not, then I agree that they needed something other than slippers to wear the next day, but I'm not sure blowing as much as they did on the shoes from the airport was their only option. The sandals they saw in the store would've worked and weren't they cheaper? Those guys just do not make good decisions.

Travel to the monastery. As often happens with flights, the teams all ended up on the same flight, meaning they basically started off even once they hit the ground in Moscow. As usual, the cabbies made all the difference. That's one of J's frustration with the race is that so much depends on the cabbies you get. The cabbies did spread the teams out as some teams arrived faster than others at the monastery.

Detour: Boots or Borscht. You could probably say alot about this Detour, but honestly nothing is more noteworthy than Dan's complete inability to march. I've never seen anything like it! I mean...it's marching. You just walk and swing your arms. Sure, there's a little kick-out with your leg, but it's really not more complicated than that. J said he'd have thought the guy was making fun of them, except that a million dollars is on the line, so you know he's not - he wouldn't waste the time! I said it reminded me of the Elaine dance on Seinfeld. It was jaw-dropping just how bad he was. And WOW did they waste a lot of time.

Deliver flour. After the Detour, teams had to head to a bakery and unload flour bags. J immediately didn't like the bakery lady. She was pretty unpleasant. I think J would've punched her in the mouth if she'd talked to him the way she did Nick. Hey, man - I'm not condoning violence, I'm just telling you how it would be.

That task would've been really physically exhausting. J and I pondered if there was any strategy you could get going to make it go faster or easier, but in the end, we decided it would just be brute force. Just do it. Get a rhythm going and just keep going until you're done. I was impressed with Andrew's performance on this task considering how horrendous he'd been at the marching. Dallas and Ken were rock stars on this one, though. I think Nick got a little comeuppance in this leg of the race, which he deserved after being a little arrogant when they won the last leg.

I liked seeing Dallas and Toni win the leg. They're a good team. I truly can't believe Andrew and Dan were spared again, though. Nothing but a non-elimination round could've saved them, and that's what happened. Oh well. They live to race for one more week. Surely they'll be gone in the next round. I don't dislike them, but they really are terrible racers - it's just staggering they're still around.

"God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

Well, it's almost turkey day - just a few more days to go! I am very much looking forward to a couple of days off with my loved ones - just food, football and people I love. Good times!

I thought I'd share a little holiday humor from my youth with you. Not that I want my blog to become just a constant stream of my favorite videos, but this is just classic for anyone who grew up in the 80s. One of my favorite shows was WKRP in Cincinnatti, and they had a Thanksgiving episode that anyone who watched it will never forget. If you've never seen it, it's a little on the cruel side, but if you've seen it before, you know that the station manager in a later scene is just beside himself about making a very, very stupid mistake about turkeys. You can probably guess from my subject line what the mistake was. Knowing that doesn't ruin the humor of this scene, though, which primarily rests on the delivery of the actor playing Les Nessman. That character was just gold. Take it away, Les!

Cartoon Excellence Friday!

Okay, I got no feedback whatsoever on the Space Ghost cartoon last week. I may try another episode of that with you guys later, but for now, let's try something else.

Another little gem that I used to watch on Adult Swim was a cartoon called Home Movies. The main character was a kid named Brendan who made movies with his two best friends. He wrote scripts and they acted them out and filmed them with his camcorder. The cartoon was basically about these kids and their lives, and you usually saw footage from their movies, but there were peripheral characters that also sometimes took center stage. It sounds kind of boring, but it was actually really well done, with great characters, and you could imagine being these kids and making the movies yourself when you were a kid (we didn't have camcorders when I was a kid, but my friends and I dressed up all the time and had imaginary worlds - we played Charlies Angels alot as I recall...but I digress).

The clip I picked for today actually centers on one of the peripheral characters - the kids' soccer coach, Coach McGuirk. I freakin' love this character. He's hilarious! Even though the kids aren't as present in this episode, you get a real sense of the humor of this show. I hope you like it!

In my email...

The Heart Hospital of Austin would like to recruit me as a Respiratory Therapist. I am not a respiratory therapist. Nor do I play one on TV. I could, however, use one about now. The evil that is my cold will not abate.

Finally, the Amazing Race recap

Okay, it's taken me a few days, but let's talk about The Amazing Race!

This week was a great pleasure for me. The Divorcees being gone was really nice, and I couldn't have been happier with the outcome. But let's take it step by step.

First leg, fly to Kazakhstan. There is only one reason in the world that this country was included in this race. Borat. No one on the planet would know that country existed if not for that guy, so I really think they ought to be providing him with some kind of lifetime stipend, just as a thank you. That aside, the main storyline of this leg seemed to be the growing flirtation between Starr and Dallas. Seeing as the race is almost over, I can't get too invested in that, so whatevuh. It's a little late in the game to be trying to build that into too much.

Chicken factory. This was another one of those times where the task made their various flight times pretty much a moot point. They all just caught up to one another, regardless of the flights they took, because the factory didn't open until 7:30. That's got to be frustrating for the teams in the lead. The Roadblock with the chickens didn't look too bad. I'm sure the smell was atrocious, though. I drove by a chicken factory once and almost gagged, and these people were right in among the animals. No one mentioned that though.

This is also where the Fast Forward came into play. As soon as they said what it would be, I told J that Terence would never make it. I laughed in triumph as he pussed out and finally gave up. Here's the thing about that challenge. If you're a vegetarian, then be committed to that. Tell your racing partner before you ever start the race that you're not going to do any eating challenges involving meat. So if that comes up, you guys know immediately to bail or get some kind of alternate game plan. Don't sit there talking about how you haven't eaten meat in 15 years, vacillating about doing it, then abandon what is supposedly a principle for you, then gag and whine through it, wasting time, until you eventually say you can't do it. They weren't in any real danger of losing this leg, so the Fast Forward wasn't that important for them, but he sat there wasting time and whining like always and didn't even finish.

At one point, Sarah said "No one is tougher than us!" And J and I both said, "No one is tougher than YOU, Sarah. Everyone is tougher than Terence." I loved how both of the girls finished their plates first. And for the record, I probably wouldn't have been as tough as both of those girls. I might have been able to finish if I had to, for a million bucks, but I wouldn't have been the first one finished. The eating challenges would definitely be my Achilles heel in The Amazing Race!

Crane trucks to Mongol warriors. What was that about anyway? Crane trucks? Those eagles were *beautiful* though! Very impressive.

Detour: Play Like Mad or Act Like Fools. I'm suprised that not one team attempted the Play Like Mad. The cow thing was cute, though. You could have a lot of fun with that, as Dallas did. He and his mom really do work together well. It was an interesting comparison seeing how they managed the costume and getting around versus Tina and Ken. As usual, she just seemed to boss him around. I laughed when she kept screwing up. I really don't see how that guy can choose to stay with her when this is all over. She doesn't treat him like an equal partner at all. And I have no idea how Andrew and Dan are still in this thing. I like those guys. They're nice. But they're terrible racers. They really should go out in the next round. It's just wrong if they end up in the finale.

In the end, it was Terence and Sarah that were eliminated this round. It's too bad for Sarah, because she's a good racer. Terence, well, I think we all know how I feel about him. It sounds like they're happy to stay together now that it's over. I should be happy for them, but I really think she could do better. But if she wants to date a whiney girl-man, then I guess she's getting what she wants, so to each his own. Me, I like the J-man.

When it rains, it pours...

and I won't be able to dry my wet clothes. Sorry for yet another delay on the TAR recap, but another fantastic development on the homefront has reared its head. My dryer has gone out.

It's the heating element, and probably I could get it fixed, but this dryer was my parents' dryer a million years ago, and I salvaged it about 10 years ago from this same problem by changing out the heating element, and it seems like maybe it's just time to let this dryer go to that great appliance salvage yard in the sky. I'm not exaggerating that this dryer is probably 40 years old. I'd say 30, but I think that's being generous. J opened up the back yesterday to see if he thought he could fix it, and aside from 10 years worth of dust bunnies, he didn't find much useful back there. It seemed like a lot of work that he wasn't terribly sure of, and in this day and age, I have to ask myself if the thing is even remotely energy efficient. I have to guess not.

So, it's off to Lowe's this weekend for a new, hopefully more energy efficient dryer. I'll do some research online but does anyone have any recent experience with buying a new dryer that they'd like to share? Any suggestions on models to stay away from or ones that they just love? I'm all ears!

I was "that" shopper.

I'll hit you up with a TAR recap tomorrow. First I must confess that yesterday, at the grocery store, I was "that" shopper.

J and I went grocery shopping with a full list, which is of course madness on the Sunday after a payday to begin with. I'm not really sure what we were thinking except that we needed food, and I work a 40-hour a week job trapped in an office, so grocery shopping at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday isn't really an option for me. So, off to HEB we went with our list, chock full "must have" items.

We did pretty well with the actual shopping part. We got a system going where we'd go to a section, find a relatively out of the way spot, then one of us would camp out with the cart while the other would run the gauntlet of other shoppers picking out what we needed from that aisle/section. I'd then cross off the acquired items on the list and figure out what to get next based on what aisles we were coming up. This is all complicated by the fact that I keep a running total of what we're spending - yes, I write down the price of each item we're buying with the new total as each item hits the cart. Anal? Perhaps. But girlfren lives on a budget. I didn't acquire my mansion on the hill and my many show dogs and priceless porcelain whatnots by grocery shopping willy nilly with no idea how much money is flying out of my wallet. (Note: I do not own show dogs. Or that other stuff.)

Anyway, we managed to get all of our items in a reasonable timeframe. And then we went to check out. This is where things went off the rails. I placed all my coupons (yeah, I use coupons - see the statement above about my mansion) on the little check-writing stand where the checkout lady could see them. She scanned everything, then hit total - somehow blindly not seeing all my coupons, even though I'd nudged them at her twice. So, I pointed them out, and she began to scan. Something didn't scan right. This always happens, and the cashiers always just enter it manually and move on. Not this lady. She proceeded to dig through each bag until she found the appropriate item. "You got the wrong size on this conditioner." Awesome.

J said he'd run back and get the right one, because I really did need the conditioner, and I really wanted the $2 off. He jets off, and she continues. Another bad scan. She stops. She asks if we got TWO Old Spice items - yes, we did (I tell her what) - ah, yes, she remembers, so she enters in manually. She continues. Damn it to hell if a third bad scan doesn't come up. "Didn't you want the free 2-liter soda on this coupon?" CRAP! I *did* want that free soda! Aaaargh! And J isn't back yet with the replacement conditioner. "Can I just run and go get it?" Sure.

I'm sure that by now, the guy behind me, who has unloaded all of his stuff onto the conveyer belt, so he's not in a position to go to another aisle, wants to kill me. To his credit, he does not. I ran through the store, grabbed a bottle of soda (caffeine free root beer, so J can also enjoy it), ran all the way back to the check out line. J is back now, holding two small bottles of the original conditioner I'd picked up and one big bottle of conditioner that's a different color. "They didn't have a big one of the kind you wanted." Of course not. I'm in no position to drag this process out any longer, so I say I'll just take the big bottle of whatever he picked up. We finish this ridiculous process, with me swearing to the guy behind us AND the checkout lady, "I promise I'm never this big of a pain in the ass." They don't look convinced.

We finally got out of the store and headed home with our purchases. When I unloaded everything, I noticed that the big bottle of conditioner was, in fact, shampoo. Of course it was. I'm pretty sure it's because the guy behind us in line put a curse on us. Can't say I blame him.

Cartoon excellence

I'm not a huge cartoon watcher, but I have found a few over the years that connect with my funny bone in just the right way. I have a good sense of humor (or so I'm told) - dry and usually quick, and I really enjoy the occasional smart cartoon that plays to that. I'm not talking about the dark stuff or erotica or anime, and I'm not talking about comic books. I'm talking about actual moving cartoons that an adult with a wry wit can appreciate.

So I thought I'd start a new feature here on the blog where I share clips of my favorite cartoons. Some of these first aired on Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. They sometimes comes up with some good stuff. They also dole out a lot of crap, though, so I'm by no means a devotee of that block of programming. But there is the occasional gem. Sadly, some of my favorites are no longer running, but the magic of YouTube and the Internet and such means I've been able to track down some of the ones I like best. Hopefully you'll get a kick out of them, too. I may not share an entire episode - just whatever clip of it gives you a good essence of the humor or some particular scene that really cracks me up for whatever reason.

For our first installment, I'll share with you a long clip (12 minutes) - it's the weekend after all, right? This is an episode of the show "Space Ghost Coast to Coast." For those who don't know, "Space Ghost" was a cartoon in the 60s. It was your typical superhero cartoon, where he fights all kinds of supervillains, and I've never seen even a single episode, because I'm not 9. "Space Ghost Coast to Coast" was developed in the 90s. For this fantastically funny show, the creators took the Space Ghost character and gave him a talk show - in space. All of his guests are real, live action actors, musicians, comedians, etc. They appear in a screen next to Space Ghost's desk and he interviews them. Except he's an idiot. And his band leader and producer are both alien slaves that are constantly trying to undermine him. It's genius.

In this episode, Space Ghost's guests are Thom Yorke of Radiohead and Bjork. Bjork is a freak in general, so you can guess that she presents rich material for a comedic mind. Anyway, here is the whole episode, "Knifin' Around" - please to enjoy!

A weekend of nothing...or something

I have nothing to do this weekend. And the prospect makes me giddy.

I really love my busy life. I love all the social things I do, and the band, and my family, and my side projects, but sometimes, you just really need a couple of days where there's *nothing* on the agenda. If you wanted to just sit in front of the TV all day and watch a Bones marathon or doze to a constant stream of college football, you could do that.

Not that you have to be a lump. Maybe this weekend we'll go to a movie. Or I'll finally re-edit the vacation DVD I made of my Alaskan cruise with my parents from a couple of years ago. Or I'll cook something extravagant. Or (and this one I'm really hoping for) J and I will bike through the city one morning and have breakfast at Austin Java and then hit the Farmer's Market and daydream about which high-rise condo we want to live in.

It's wide open, people! We could do nothing. We could do something. It's up to us! No obligations. Man, that's nice.

Splish, splash, I am again takin' a bath!

That glorious elixir of life has been restored to me once again! It flows through my toilet and shower and sinks like a river of...wet...water. Yeah, that kinda fell apart at the end there, but you get the point. My house has water again!

I managed to avoid the plumber option thanks to J and his handyman skills and a whole lotta manual labor on his part on a day when he really felt like ass. I thanked him profusely several times, but he didn't really say much in response, so I'm not sure if he was just wiped out or if he's questioning whether my love is really worth muddy plumbing.

I can tell you that his ability to fix what turned out to be a piss-poorly repaired pipe from when the house was BUILT (Yes, that's right, when the house was under construction, the pipe apparently cracked and instead of replacing it, the fantastico construction workers just did a half-ass repair on it, stuck it back in the ground and then threw a bunch of constrution debris in on top of it - like rebar. I'm sure that's recommended by architectural engineers everywhere.), saved me a great deal of time, money, stress and trouble. So, though my personal gratitude didn't seem to carry much weight last night, I will give some very public gratitude now, nonetheless. Outstanding performance must be recognized. So, giant thanks to J for his hard work, brains and brawn. There's is nothing more awesome than a man who can DO STUFF!!!

I need a couch in my office.

It's a mad house at Chez Suzanne right now. I couldn't cover all of it even if I wanted to, and some of it isn't worth giving the time of day because it ain't no thang but a chicken wang and Suzy Q is ready to leave it all in the dust now, but I'll give you the high points of my really busy weekend.

Friday - Wurstfest!! J and I had a way fun time at Wurstfest (as always) with my friends. J is fighting another cold (how much does that suck - two in a row?), but he's a trooper and always up for a good time, so he soldiered through the ick and muck in his head and lungs and powered through with suprisingly robust performances on the conga line, chicken dance AND the hokey pokey. The man is unstoppable!

Our favorite band this year was the Sauerkrauts. The accordian player is a rock stah, and I want to thank Laurie for "dancing" with me (really we just ran back in forth in dance formation and threw each other around in circles). Thank heaven I have friends who love to have fun and don't care if they look stupid. Makes life so much more enjoyable. Ang and Jason, thanks for making the late trek out - it wouldn't have been the same without you (even if we were ships passing in the night)! And Jimmy, I hope it was a happy, happy birthday. Oy, oy, oy!!

Saturday -
1. Football. Yay for a great win by UT. Boo for OSU letting Tech run all over them. That said, if someone has to be ahead of us in the polls, better Tech than A&M or OU. That Leach is an offensive savant people - it was only a matter of time until Tech had a season like this.

2. Really great gig with the band. Again, I must give props to J who was feeling like crap but still managed to give a great show. You are a pro, baby. And the band is sounding tighter with each passing week - some really fun and exciting times are on the horizon!

Sunday -
1. Amazing Race. I'm so very glad the Divorcess are out, and I'm so chagrined they were wearing UT shirts. I grimaced every time they were on screen with those shirts. I think the next time I'll root for to get oustered is Terence and Sarah. I just can't listen to his whining anymore.

2. Water. We all need it right? Then don't go to my house right now. This one is a low point, instead of a high point. I got a knock on the door yesterday afternoon from my neighbor. Seemed a small lake was forming in my yard and the water meter was spinning like a top. Apparently a pipe has burst in my yard - dammit, dammit, dammit. We had to cut the water off at the meter, and J is taking a run at tracking down where the break is and seeing what exactly we're dealing with. Awesome, no? Ugh. I'll keep you posted.

See what I mean? Each one of those could've been a post in itself, and that's just the stuff that's blog-worthy! What a week! Whew. I need a nap just recapping it. Think that would go over with my boss?

In my email...

Shopper's Voice says, "Your opinion could be worth $10,000."

Well, duh.

Oh shhhhhhhhhttt

So, I promised to tell the story of Murphy's great rebellion, but I've had some other things going on and haven't gotten to the blog. However, I'm carving out time for it RIGHT NOW. So here we go.

It's really more fair to call it a great escape than a rebellion. I've had her more than 2.5 years now, and in all that time, she's always been quite content to stick to the confines of my backyard when she goes out for a little "outside time." She's made the occasional foray into the neighbor's yard, but only rarely. The vast majority of the time, she's just chased bugs or acted as sentinal to her territory, in case the neighbor's cat Rosie makes a visit and needs to be schooled.

But a few weeks ago, I noticed her taking an interest in the upper shelf of the potting bench that sits against the back fence. From that perch, you can see the goings on of the ravine and ranch behind my house. This was not good. The ranch is an enormous temptation to a house lion who feels the need to explore the serengeti, and I've already had one cat killed by some sort of mystery predator back there (a snake is my best guess), so if Murph decided to expand her territory to include the ranch, there was gonna be trouble in River City.

Unfortunately, she did just that. Last week, I saw her perched on the shelf, surveying the landscape, then swish! She was gone. Oh. Crap. I ran outside and climbed on the bench. I saw her making her way down the ravine. I ran back inside, put on tennis shoes, then jumped the fence (it would've taken too long to go around) and went after her. She had already disappeared from sight, and I eventually spotted her on the ranch...behind rusty barbed wire. Super.

I climbed over the barbed wire (only discovering later that I'd scratched myself in several places - yay for peroxide and a semi-recent tetanus shot), managed to scoop her up and got her back home, both of us full of burrs. I was not happy. I told J she couldn't be outside unsupervised, if at all, anymore. He agreed.

A couple of days later, he called me, tension in his voice. He had let her out and was watching her, but he looked away for a moment, and when he looked back, she was gone again. After much searching, he finally found her, on the ranch of course. Oh, and by the way, he mentions, he found a baby rattlesnake in the back yard by the trash can. WHAT?? Great. Just great. I had a rattlesnake in the garage once several years ago, but nothing since then. Okay, that's it, I decreed. She doesn't go out anymore AT ALL.

She's not happy about her new confinement, but she'll get used to it. But there's something I may not get used to. I left for work yesterday, and I heard a thumping sound by my right front tire. I pulled over, and I saw something wrapped up in my wheel. What could that...oh, man, are you kidding me? Another snake. I didn't see a rattle on its tail, but it was a young snake, nonetheless. It had apparently crawled up in the wheel to get warm.

It would appear that we're going to have a snake problem on my property this year. Isn't that just fantastico?

Happy Halloween!

I've never dressed Murphy up in a Halloween costume, but if I did, this year I'd dress her up as James Dean - because she's a rebel. I'll tell you the story later...

Letting go

There comes a time when you just have to be real with yourself. You have to take the rose-colored glasses off and just face facts. Just because something once worked for you doesn't mean it still does.

Sure, it was great when it started. You were excited about it. It became a big part of your life. It was good in so many ways. You felt good about it.

As time passed, things changed. Maybe it didn't offer all it once did to your life. Maybe you made some changes and things don't "mesh" like they once did. But you held on, through good times and bad, slow periods and periods of renewed interest. It was so good once! It can be again!

But you're not going back. That's clear. And to hold on to dead weight, hoping it might once again come alive for you...well, that's just sad.

So, I'm letting go. I'm giving up my gym membership. It was an amazing deal when I signed up for it. $10.80 a month for life. FOR LIFE! It's been something like 10 years - maybe more, and it's never gone up even a penny. I still pay just $10.80 a month. I'll NEVER get that again! So, I've held on to it. When I've gone through periods of not using it, I just hang on, and eventually I start using it again. For a while. But here's the thing. I can't remember the last time I stepped foot in the doors, but I vaguely remember that it wasn't even to work out. I just used the locker room to get ready to go out one evening after work.

J says he knows I haven't been once in the entire year we've dated. That's $130 right there that I've spent for NOTHING. And the dry spell is probably even longer than that. It's not that I don't exercise or work out. I do. But I do it at home. For free. And I recently discovered a place downtown with a locker room I can use for free if I'm ever in dire need. So, it doesn't make sense to keep paying for a gym I'm not going to use. Even if it is a great deal.

So, I'm cutting the cord. I'm setting it free. It's been a good run. No one can say I'm fickle. I've been steady, I've been true. But it's time to take an expense off the books that isn't actually delivering anything. Should the time ever come that I want a gym again, I may look back whistfully at this moment. But hopefully, I will look back fondly, and not with regret.

Thanks Gym. It's been good knowin' ya. Now get your meathooks outta my bank account!

Zeppelin - not the Robert Plant kind

Interesting aeronautical news today. Zeppelins have returned to the skies - 71 years after the Hindenburg disaster put a damper on people's enthusiasm for the giant airships.

I know what you're thinking - why? I mean, aside from the $500 price tag, what's the point? Blimps have been around for years, so why do we need zeppelins? And what's the difference anyway?

Well, to answer the last question, according to the article, the difference is that zeppelins have an internal frame. Blimps, I guess, are just giant balloons with a motor.

To the second question (what's the point?), the point appears to be marketing. You can put a big logo on the side and rent it out for parties, etc.

But none of that really answers the question of simply "why"? I mean, you can rent a blimp, right? You can put a logo on a blimp, right? You can even rent blimps with electronic signs on the side. So, why zeppelins?

I figure it's just so people can say the word and sound superior. "We rented a zeppelin for our wedding rehearsal dinner." "Robert Plant played your rehearsal dinner?" "No, you plebe - we rented an airship. A zeppelin." "You mean a blimp?" "This is why you weren't invited to the wedding."

Amazing Race

Well, I was wrong in my prediction about who would be booted this week from Amazing Race, but not by much. The Frats just barely hung in there. I'm sorry to see Aja and Ty go. I didn't like when Aja tattled to the Divorcees about Starr, but overall, they were fine. I was suprised Ty said he'd be moving to LA to be with Aja, though. I thought she had gotten on his nerves during the race. Oh well - good luck to them! On with the race.

Fly to Cambodia. As usual, Terence needed a Midol. He got pulled over for speeding on the way to the airport, and when Sarah commented that she always thought of him as a slow driver, he petulantly responded that she was a jerk and "Is that how you console someone who just got a ticket?" Really, dude? You have GOT to grow a pair. She wasn't criticizing you - she was just making an observation, and her tone was clearly that of someone trying to lighten the mood and let you know she wasn't upset or pissed about the time delay. So, yeah, that's how she consoles you - by letting you know it ain't no thang but a chicken wang. But since you live in a constant state of PMS, I can see where you probably needed a hug and a good cry instead. HOW is she attracted to that?

At the airport, the Divorcees once again showed their true colors by making fun of Dallas's hair. Yes, Dallas - a nice guy who has never done one nasty thing to them. MAN those women are bitches.

Cambodia. Hand crank gasoline. Maybe if we had to crank our own, we'd use less in this country. Or at least get a little more exercise. There might be more explosions from idiots with cigarettes trying to smoke and fill up their cars at the same time, but that would probably cut down on our lung cancer expenditures, so again, not a bad thing. The Frats really shot themselves in the foot on this task - or I should say that Andrew did. He just couldn't seem to grasp that he needed to pump faster to get the pump to work. Dan knew it, and told him, but Andrew wouldn't listen, and for some reason, Dan didn't just jump in and do it himself until a bunch of teams had already passed them. Was he not allowed to take over or something? Did they have to choose one person to pump and they had chosen Andrew? I might've missed that - I was making pie while I watched this episode. Seriously. I was making a pie.

Murky water. Terence may have actually put on a bra and panties during this leg. He was marginally manly by pushing the boat after the engine failed, but he blew his man points all to hell by the way he pushed it. Plaintively and repeatedly asking Sarah in a tragic voice how far he'd gone, I swear he was crying by the time they got to the restaurant.

The tasks during this leg were kind of odd. It was like a scavenger hunt more than a challenge. But I guess wading around in the murky water for the next task was risk enough. And the fish couldn't have smelled good.

The ancient temple was cool. I'd like to see that place. And I enjoyed watching Tina lose time by wandering around and not just asking someone where the Chamber of Echoes was and then getting lost after she found the clue. Could her voice be any more annoying? I don't know how Ken listens to it. And I don't know how J listens to me imitating her when we're watching the show. He's probably going to throw a glass at me one of these days if I don't stop. And yet I can't...

Nick and Starr won the leg, which is fine with me. I'm not rooting for them, but I'm not against them either, and with the teams that are left, that may be what I'm stuck with by the end - just hoping a team I hate doesn't win. But I guess if the only teams left were teams I liked, it would cut down on my motivation to watch, since I wouldn't care anymore who won, since I'd be happy with any of them. I'm still gonna root for the Divorcees to bite the dust, though. I don't like them in case you hadn't noticed.

Time travel

So, I got back from my work trip on Friday, but am just now getting a chance to post. This will be short, but I just had to mention a very cool aspect of my trip. We stayed at the Westin Oaks hotel in the Galleria.

Why is that cool? Because it's attached to the Galleria mall, and when you step out into the mall, you're overlooking an ice-skating rink. Why is that cool? Because I had my 10th birthday party at that exact ice-skating rink - it was a little trip back in time for me! It was my entree into the world of double-digits, and boy was I excited!

Somehow, aging is less exciting now.

In my email...

Another winning set of job matches from Yahoo! Hotjobs. Today, I have offers to apply for:

"Restaurant Workers and Shift Leaders" for a sub shop. Because apparently two degrees gets you nowhere these days.

and

"IT Audit Associate" for a company that's someone's name followed by LLP. So, I'm guessing an accounting firm, or possibly a law firm. Let me assure whoever matched me with this job that NO ONE wants me messing with their IT or their audit functions - much less both in the same job.

If only someone would offer me a job as an airport shuttle driver, part-time, for a six-figure salary, we could end all this madness.

No more Pinkies.

A little bit better result this week on The Amazing Race. But let's start at the beginning.

So, the Divorcees don't want to try and mend fences with Starr and Nick? Shocking. What a surprise that they want to keep a war going if at all possible. I really can't wait for these two to be ousted.

Fly to New Zealand. Ty and Aja are really starting to argue on a regular basis. They're not ugly with the way they argue, but I'm not sure their long-term prospects as a couple are good with the way they butt heads. Admittedly, though, this would be a pretty rough jump from being long-distance. It would be hard to be together all the time in a high-stress situation involving alot of decision-making even if you were used to one another. When you haven't even been together on a daily basis and you toss yourself into this situation? I'm not sure it's the best relationship builder.

Did anyone notice Terrence's estrogen showing itself when the teams got to New Zealand and had to drive to their first challenge? He was driving and asked Sarah if she would touch his hair or something and show him some love. Good gravy, man, change your maxi pad!!

Ken & Tina do the Fast Forward. First, let me say that climbing that tower would've been hellish for me. I'm not great with heights, so scaling the outside of the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere...I don't think I could've done it. No, I *could* have if I *had* to, but I would've been miserable and hated every second of it, and it wouldn't have been worth it to me. And I'm surprised K&T thought it was, considering they were already in first place. I'm not sure why they thought they needed to do that. J kept saying he thought it was the coolest thing ever, but he and I seem to have different survival instincts. We'll leave it at that.

Roadblock: Maori tattoos. J and I agreed this one would've been mine. If there's one thing I'm good at it, it's attention to detail. I wanted to slap the blonde who kept giving a little "eek!" and drawing her hand back when the warrior would grunt at her at the clue box, though. MAN, why do women like that think it's cute to act like a 4-year-old??

Gnome spotting. Nothing to say on this one.

Detour: stomp kiwis or sail go-karts. J is pretty mechanical, but I think I would've gone with the kiwis. The teams almost unanimously said the rocks in the bottom of the tank hurt their feet, but the Divorcees had no trouble with that, so J thinks that the lighter the person, the less painful the stomping. In that case, he and I would've done well - we're not heavy. And we would've gotten to drink kiwi juice at the end, though admittedly it would've been kiwi juice that had my feet in it. I'm not sure why Starr even tried to drive their car away from the go-kart place after hurting her arm so badly. I guess the rules must say you have to try or something. But I'll be curious to hear how bad her arm was hurt if they give an update on the next episode. I'm sure it wasn't broken, but it did look banged up.

In the end, Ken and Tina won the leg (again) because of the Fast Forward. Ick. I just do not like Tina. But the blondes were booted, so that was good. If only we can get the Divorcees outta there. I have a feeling the Frat Boys will be gone next, though. They've just barely hung on the last few weeks, and the field is narrowing. Barring a big mistake from someone else, I think they may be the next ones eliminated.

Boss's Day

Tomorrow is "Boss's Day." We non-Boss types are supposed to show our appreciation for our bosses by buying a card or a gift or, I guess, taking them to lunch, or some other act of generosity. Presumably, the sentiment behind this day is, "Thanks for being a great boss!"

I'd like to know when "You're Lucky I Don't Light This Place On Fire Day" is.

Amazing Race!

I've been remiss. The Amazing Race is through Week 3 now, and I haven't blogged about it once! In fairness, though, I've been distracted by football, so it's forgiveable. But let's dish about TAR!

Okay, I missed the first week, so I didn't see all the introductions, but let's talk about the teams!

Terence & Sarah. From what I've seen so far, Terence is a whiney girl and Sarah is annoying me with her Spanish for some reason. I don't even really know why about the Sarah/Spanish thing, but that's where we are. I'm not rooting for these two, though, based mainly on Terence's estrogen.

Marisa & Brooke. Labeled as "Southern Belles." These two are just the usual, token, pretty little young blondes who think constantly wearing pink and perpetually shining a sorority smile is endearing. It's not. Not rooting for 'em.

Andrew & Dan. Labeled as "Frat Guys," these two more seem like nerds to me than frat guys, and I kind of like them. I haven't seen anything yet about them to annoy me, so I got no bad vibes for Andrew & Dan. Good luck, guys!

Aja & Ty. I didn't get any feel for this pair last week, but this week Aja really pissed me off. She felt the need to get involved in the drama between two other teams, tattling to the Divorcees that Starr asked her and Ty to U-Turn the Divorcees. There was NO reason to tell the Divorcees what Starr had requested other than to cause drama, and I have no patience for that. If you don't want to U-Turn them, don't U-Turn them, but shut up about it and just keep racing your own race. Don't get involved in people's drama, and don't cause even more of it. That kind of immaturity and negative energy is bad karma, and you can bet that Aja's got something coming. Not rootin' for 'em.

Mark & Bill. I'm so bummed these guys got eliminated this week! I liked them. I was rootin' for 'em. :(

Toni & Dallas. No real feeling for or against them at this point. J was annoyed that Toni is running the race and doesn't appear to be in very good shape, so she kind of held Dallas back in South America, but I think the altitude was just getting to her and that can happen to anyone, so I'm not going to hate on her for that. We'll see if I get a stronger feeling as the race wears on.

Nick & Starr. I'm okay with them for the moment, but if Starr wants someone U-Turned, then she needs to have the balls to do it herself instead of asking another team to do it. If she's going to war with the Divorcees, then she needs step up to the front line. Asking someone else to get in the firing line while she hides behind them is lame. Now, I didn't see what did or didn't happen with the Divorcee's sports bra. If she did knock it off the balcony, then I'm crossing her off my list. If she didn't, and Divorcee is just being paranoid (and probably jealous because Starr is pretty and younger), then I don't blame her for being in Divorcee's face about the accusation. Just stay in her face, not hiding behind someone else's skirts.

Anita & Arthur. I missed the first week - were these two the first team eliminated?

Kelly & Christy. These are my official "love to hate them" team right now. I can't stand these two. I can certainly see why they're divorced. I wouldn't want to live with either of them either. And I was sick that they survived this last week because of Mark & Bill's mistake with the cab. Arrrgh. Rooting against them.

Ken & Tina. Ditto on my reaction to Kelly & Christy. Can't stand them. Tina is a hag, and Ken kisses her ass because he feels guilty about his infidelity. Well, good lord, man, of course you cheated on her. *I* want to cheat on her! She's awful! That ridiculous scene at the airport where she ran around telling everyone that she got the airline to switch to a bigger plane for them?? PUH-LEASE!!! She's heinous. I hate that they're in first place and have already won two trips. Actively rooting against these two.

Anthony & Stephanie. Another team I haven't seen. Did I miss the first TWO weeks? Sheeeeeesh.

I'll do a better job of commenting on the action going forward, instead of just the racers, but you know how this works. If someone makes me want to slap them, I gotta share. And I welcome feedback from the peanut gallery, so if you're watching, be sure and comment! Love The Race, man!!

Oh. Yeah.

This is what I love about my friends.

A friend of mine sent one of those meme "Get to know your friends" things on email, where you answer a series of questions - "What color socks are you wearing?" and "What states have you lived in?" That kinda thing.

Well, one of the questions was "How do you vent anger?" It is this question above all others that reveals to me why I love my friends. They're just so honest and real! No bullshit politically correct (i.e. "I'm a superior human being") answers like, "I go for a jog" or "I meditate." No, with my friends, it's just honest answers that make you say, "Yeah, me too. Thank god I'm not the only one who hasn't evolved." A sampling of my friends' responses:

"A lot of swearing"

"I tend to spew at [my husband], poor guy"

"Silent seething, then biting 'discussion'"

"I drop the f bomb a lot or I am silent and [husband] has to beg me to find out what's wrong."

AND

"Yell, Cuss or shutdown (depends on who it is I am angry at)" - This one was from a friend, but it was also my answer. :)

I should note that these answers came from both men and women. And I want to thank you all categorically for being the cool people you are. It's only because you are yourselves with me that I can be myself with you, and I laughed reading each and every one of these. You guys are the best! And let's not get mad at each other, because it looks like there would be a lot of cursing involved, and some of you have children around now. ;)

In my email...

So, back when I was actively looking for a new job, scouring all the sites and listing my resume on all the job search engines, I listed my resume with Yahoo! Hotjobs. Nothing substantial ever came from that source, but for some reason, I never told them to stop sending me emails when something matched my profile. So, I get job matches on almost a daily basis.

Sometimes it takes quite a stretch to make the connection between my profile and what they send me, but I think today's listings might take the cake. Remember, in real life, I'm a writer an editor. And yet, Yahoo! Hotjobs thought I might be interested in a position as a:

Store Manager (never done that),

Painter's Helper (uh...what?), or, and this is the lulu,

Nanny (do they even KNOW me???)!

I should probably share with you parents out there the name of the company whose approach to finding quality in-home care for your children is to shotgun an email to anyone looking for a job of any kind. But instead I'll just encourage you to raise your own kids and leave it at that.

A grammar lesson

Why is there no love for the semicolon? I read this headline today: "Quaid reacts to his ex, Lohan's steamy holiday" - I didn't read the story, but I'm pretty sure Dennis Quaid did not respond to Lindsay Lohan's steamy holiday.

Here's the deal on semicolons (I'm putting on my editor's hat now, so just strap in). Semicolons are used to separate, yet connect, two independent clauses. An independent clause has a subject and a verb, just like a sentence. In fact, it could be a sentence. But rather than have the sentence stand alone, with a period, you can use a semicolon to sort of "attach" it to another independent clause/sentence, to create a connection between the two clauses.

In the case of the headline above, the writer should have said: "Quaid reacts to his ex; Lohan's steamy holiday," or better yet, "Quaid reacts to his ex; Lohan has steamy holiday" (since the second part of the original construction had no verb - it was just a noun with adjectives, and therefore, not an independent clause...or even a clause). By writing it either of those ways, you're saying, "If you click on this link, you'll be taken to a page that covers two stories: Quaid reacts to his ex and Lohan's steamy holiday." The way it's currently written, there's only one subject ("Quaid") and one verb ("reacts") but two nouns ("ex" and "holiday"), separated by a comma, so that means Quaid is reacting to those two nouns.

I know we're all so very lazy about grammar, because after all, we can all speak and use a pencil, so therefore we can all write, so who needs an editor, right? Well, trust me - being literate is not the same thing as being able to write. In fact, I'd like to change my lead sentence. I'm not so much worried about love for semicolons anymore. Why is there no love for writers and editors?

Hire me. I can help you.

Ready to fly

Feelin' a little philosophical today. I've been struck lately by the differences in people's personalities when it comes to feeling "adult," and by "adult" I mean that mental place where you feel all grown up and capable and confident about your decisions and you don't need the approval of your parents or a consensus of "others" to believe that you are right.

I know people who have felt "adult" since high school. They've taken on the world, been afraid of nothing, never questioned their attack, never concerned themselves particularly with anyone else's approval, and lived exactly on their own terms. From the outside, I've disagreed with some of their choices and been able to make quite the logical argument for why they should've done things another way. But I never made that argument to them, because (a) it was none of my business to tell someone else how to live their life and (b) it wouldn't have made an difference in what they did anyway and probably would've caused a rift between us. And furthermore, even if I didn't always agree with what they did, I envied their hutzpah to do it.

I've often wish I had more...courage? Maybe that's the word. I spent much of my life being too afraid of what others would think - everyone from peers at school to my parents - or too afraid of some long-term, unlikely consequence to chase after dreams or leap off cliffs that I should have. I was afraid that taking that risk would lead to me lying at the bottom of the cliff bloodied and broken forever. So, I stood at the top, a safe distance from the edge and watched while other people threw themselves over the side with abandon, and it never occurred to me that there never seemed to be any ambulances screaming to anyone's rescue. No one needed any saving.

I wasn't always like that. As a child, I was fearless and totally convinced of my ability in any situation. It's true! I assumed I could do anything anyone else could do, and I threw myself head-first into everything I got a notion to do. And if you told me I couldn't do something, you should probably get out of the way because then it was my personal mission to prove you wrong. And it never really occurred to me that there might be a crisis of approval regarding my choices. Life was my oyster, and dammit there were pearls inside! Somewhere along the line, though, there was a shift.

Don't get me wrong. I've acccomplished a lot. I've been successful, in my estimation, and I've had a great many cool experiences and met some interesting, amazing people along the way. I've traveled. I've worked hard. I've made great friends and grown into someone I like and like being. I have a great family and a good life, by just about any standard. And I have an amazing, supportive man in my life that I waited a really long time for. I'm pretty confident in most situations, and I believe the word "spitfire" was used in reference to me recently by a co-worker. But I can look back and see so many times when I should have tried something but didn't out of one fear or another, and I regret not jumping off more cliffs and giving God the chance to show me how to fly.

My 30s have been a time of growth, achievement, strengthening and ever-increasing clarity and peace. It's been a good period for me. But I hope that as I approach a new period in my life, I will have not just the will, but the courage to start flying more - or more accurately, the courage to leap, trusting that God will show me to fly, regardless of what anyone else thinks I should be doing. I know I won't always have Other People's approval if I do so. But I'll have mine, and I'm pretty sure I'll have God's, and in the end, those are the only two people who take your entire journey.

Is this a mid-life crisis? Is it more growth? Or is it just a returning to who I was supposed to be all along - the essential me? I hope it's the last one. And I hope I'm finding my wings early enough to take all the flights God had planned for me. I hope that when I'm 90 and looking back on my life, I see a life well lived, not one safely seated on a bench, carefully back from the cliff, never knowing what was on the other side.

You know it's true.

The Japanese are banana-pants.

I need a nap already.

So, it was a big weekend. It was actually a jam-packed week last week, all week, but I'll just cover the weekend, which really started for me on Thursday since I had a fun social evening with my girlz, even though I still had to work on Friday. Let's recap.

Thursday night: Martinis & Manicures at Cuba Libre with my girlfriends. There were martinis. There were manicures. There was much girl talk. After getting our nails all beauty-ized, we headed over to 219 West for dinner since they have kickin' happy hour specials, including half-price appetizers, and their appetizers make a meal. We all had various incarnations of mini-burgers and fries, and I believe Ang and Nikki also split some chips and dip of some kind. Again, much girl talk. I love my friends!

Friday night: First part of the evening was babysitting for my niece and nephew, who I love to pieces, then the second part of the evening J opened for a band that's on tour right now. He kicked ass, as he always does! He let me come up for a few songs at the end, which was awesome, and he was so great that the touring band asked him to join them for their next gig on Saturday night. Unfortunately, he didn't get the message until late on Saturday night, so that didn't happen, but it's a real testament to his talent and his show that they asked! Good job, baby!!

Saturday: UT football game. Perfect weather, and UT killed it 52-10! It was a real pleasure to watch UT mop up the floor with Arkansas. Last time Arkansas was here, it was a much different result, so we had some avenging to do. And it's especially fun to watch Colt McCoy this year. I think he's really toughened up this year, and he seems to be exuding more leadership and confidence than he did his first two years. It's really cool, and I'm very excited for the rest of the season, which will get really tough in about two weeks and not let up for the rest of the year! We had a little bit of a transportation snafu that led to us getting home rather late, but we still managed to catch the end of the Alabama/Georgia game. What a weekend of upsets!!

Sunday: ACL. Rock on, bruthah!! This was the first time for both J and I to attend to the Austin City Limits Music Festival, and we loved it! We rode our bikes, along with tons of other people (I've never seen so many bikes - parked *everywhere*!) and went late in the day. You get way more for your money if you go all day, but neither of us was out to test our stamina, and the 3+ hours we were there felt worth it to us. The weather was perfect, the bands were fantastic, and the setup was comfortable. Despite tens of thousands of people, it didn't feel crowded. We saw the Raconteurs and Foo Fighters (and a bit of one other band that I didn't get the name of), and browsed the "market" area with all kinds of hats, jewelry, art, soap, etc. for sale. The Foos were great, but J and I think we actually liked the Raconteurs better. I would definitely pay to see them again at some point.

So, now it's Monday, and I'm tired. Luckily, this week promises to be much slower than last week for me, so I may just survive. It was well worth it, though! I love my city, my boyfriend, my family, my friends and my life! Good times.

Oh, you crazy Beavers!

Standing ovation today for Oregon State! For those of you who haven't heard (I can't even address the possibility that you might not care), Oregon State knocked off #1 USC last night. Take that Trojans!

My, oh, my this is what I LOVE about college football! Every week there's a possibility for something really crazy to happen. I'm just bummed that I didn't see the game. I was out with friends, and when I called J at the end of the evening, he told me Oregon State was ahead, but it was half time, so I thought, "Well, USC will probably make some adjustment at the half and then steamroll in the second half."

But they didn't! Those good ole Beavers just kept on keepin' on, and they did it!

Reportedly, Pete Carroll said, "I'm beside myself." Heh, heh, heh.

Now, if someone will just do the same thing to Oklahoma and Stoops.

David Blaine

Does anyone else out there roll their eyes anytime you hear that David Blaine has some new illusion/stunt/trick to inflict on the world?

I don't deny the guy has talent. Or in some cases maybe just a lot of will power. His "magic" tricks are definitely cool, and I have no idea how he accomplishes the illusions.

But he's just so full of himself. And everything he does is always in some public space, so that the people who live in the city where the stunt is can't really avoid it. I expect him to say each time he announces some new spectacle, "I won't be ignored!"



I mean, if what he's doing really has value, rent some space and charge admission. If people really want to see you, they'll pay for the privilege. And all the people who live and work near the "event" who don't really care to be a part of it don't have to. He's bound to have sponsors who pay the bills for these stunts, and he clearly knows that if he had to rely on people actually paying to watch, it wouldn't pay for itself.

So get a Vegas gig. Get a tv show like that Criss Angel dude. Or just get a job. But stop acting like you're the most interesting man in the world because you're willing to lie in a box underground for 7 days or encase yourself in ice for a week. Because you're not. According to Dos Equis, this guy is:

Shocking news.

So, Clay Aiken is gay. We know because he said so.

Well, gee. ... Really?

Heroes is back.

Are you excited? Were you filled with nervous energy waiting to find out if the Heroes would save the world and how? Since the show hasn't had a new episode since January, did you spend the summer looking up the characters, then the actors, discovering that the guy who plays Sylar used to play Tori Spelling's best friend on Notorious, then you Netflixed the old episodes of Notorious, found out Tori Spelling is really pretty funny and you actually like her, so you started watching Tori & Dean, and then you forgot all about Heroes until you saw an ad for the premiere, but it's been 9 months, so you found you weren't sure you cared anymore? Me too.

Not the Notorious and Tori & Dean part, because I actually watched those shows when they were in first run, so I already knew that Zachary Quinto (Sylar) used to play Tori's best friend, and I've liked Tori Spelling ever since that show. She's a hoot. But the part about not being sure I cared anymore about Heroes. I'm with you there.

I know there was a writer's strike, yadda, yadda, but you can't just disappear for 9 months and expect your audience to still be there. I think the fact that they felt they had to an hour-long intro show to a 2-hour season premiere should tell you that they know the probably lost a lot of people simply because they, like me, just wandered away and on to other things.

I did give the show a chance to win me back. I watched the premiere, liked some of the twists, and will probably tune in again next week. But I gotta tell you that the real highlight of my TV viewing wasn't Heroes. It was Worst Week.

That show premiered last night as well, and I loved it! The lead character is just hysterical (such great timing and delivery by actor Kyle Bornheimer), and I always love Kurtwood Smith as the curmudgeonly dad. I don't know how long they'll be able to keep the premise fresh, but I'm definitely going to hang in there with it and see what happens.

What's on your plate for Mondays?

NOW you call.

So, I gave up on selling my house for now. It sat on the market for five months, with very few lookers and no offers, so I said "forget it" and took it off the market yesterday.

I don't know if you've ever sold a house, but it's kind of a pain in the butt. It has to be "show ready" at all times. You have to assume every day as you leave to go to work that someone might come and look at it that day, so you can't leave your dirty clothes around or leave the dishes soaking with the thought, "I'll clean that up when I get home tonight" or let sensitive financial or personal papers sitting out in your office to be filed at a more convenient time. All your personal photos and knicknacks have to be boxed and put away so buyers can picture themselves instead of you in the house and so things don't look cluttered.

The problem is that if you're actually living in the house, you might need some of the stuff you've had to box up, and maybe you WANT to look at pictures of your friends and family instead of some landscape portrait. Maybe you don't want to have to think about whether what you made for dinner last night will smell appealing to whoever looks at the house today. Maybe you don't want to hand out your alarm code to strangers but don't particularly want to leave your house un-alarmed all the time. I actually had one Realtor forget to lock the front door when they left after a showing this summer.

And all of this for less than one showing a week. I could probably count in single digits the number of showings that occurred for my house in the 5 months it was on the market. So, I had enough. If it's not going to sell, and clearly right now isn't the time, I wanted my house back. So, I had my Realtor remove it yesterday and the sign came out of the yard last night, and the lockbox should be off the door any day now. Peace and tranquility again, right?

Well, would you believe that I've already had two calls this morning from other Realtors who want me re-list with them? Where were these people when I needed a buyer? Do you have a buyer for my house? Are you calling to make an offer? No? Well, then don't bother me! The first one makes his canned pitch about why I should re-list with him and all they'll do for me, and when I say no, thank you, he starts quizzing me about why. Um...do I owe you an explanation? No, I do not. For the time being, I'm OUT of the house-selling business! I'm going to relax for a change and actually LIVE in my house for the first time in 5 months!

Now, if you want to call me with a generous offer, then great. Make me a deal! But for the rest of the day, I'm not answering the phone if I don't recognize the number, because I'm not going to be harrassed all day by vultures who couldn't be bothered to bring a buyer around when I was on the market. Ugh.