Coolin' my heels

We got a verdict yesterday on the a.c. in my office - the compressor is out. Of course. And the part they needed to fix it had to come from San Antonio. Again, I say, "Of course." So, our office manager told us yesterday afternoon that the part wouldn't arrive until around Noon today, and it would take about 4 hours to repair.

Oh, hell no.

This was unacceptable. I was not spending another entire day in an 84-degree office. So, I approached my boss, who was also stuck with the ridiculous temps in her office and suggested that after a mandatory meeting this morning, we request to work from home - where we both had air conditioning. The request was approved, probably because there's some law against forcing employees to work in a literal sweatshop, and I've had the pleasure of working from the air-conditioned comfort of my home this fine Friday. Good thing. When I went in this morning for the mandatory meeting, my office was already 82 degrees - at 7:30 a.m. mind you. I don't even want to know how hot it's gotten by now.

Anyway, the a.c. issues should be resolved by the time I go back on Monday. Woo and hoo, people. Not that I mind working from home. In fact, now that I think about it, I've got a screwdriver - I wonder if I could find the right a.c. unit if I got up in our crawlspace in our building...

Must. Have. Air.

It would be bad if the air conditioning was off in my office. It's worse that it appears to be on and broken, because this way, it's like the heat is on. Seriously, it's in the 80s in my office and hot air is blowing on me.

I have a fan sitting a foot from me trying to fight against the tide of hot air coming out of the ceiling vents. It's a valiant little soldier of a fan, and I will give it a treat later for it's loyal service. But for the moment, I'm just trying to stay awake.

The best part is when I and my co-worker who is on the same circuit told our office manager about the problem, and she proceeded to ponder what it could be. "Is it the breaker?" "I don't know. It's like the heat is on." "Well, they were on the roof yesterday and they did something to trip breaker. It was completely off." "Uh-huh. Well, right now the air is blowing; it's just hot." "If it were the breaker, the air wouldn't be blowing." "Just go to my office. See what I'm talking about." "Hmmm..."

It was all I could do to keep from screaming, "Just call a repairman!!" This particular person is famous for telling you that what is happening is not happening when you tell her it's happening. "My phone isn't working." "Oh, it is. You just pushed the wrong button." "No. I didn't push any buttons." "Yeah, you did. It's fine." Then after 2 more days of your phone not working, she finally says, with incredulity dripping from her voice, "Well, you're right! Your phone is not working!" Then she regails you with a monologue on why the problem is "so weird" and why she assumed the phone/air conditioning/etc. was actually working even though you told her it wasn't and she finally calls a repairman.

I've had it happen with her time and again in various situations. It's her m.o. Like an insurance company that denies claims, just hoping the client will go away, she gives you all the reasons that what you're telling her is incorrect and why she does not, in fact, need to do anything when you tell her something is wrong and you need her to do something.

I'm going to pray on all that is holy that she'll get someone out this morning to handle the air conditioning thing, because seriously - I'm just going to nap all day if this goes on.

House sellin' - or not.

No one has looked at the house yet. This is disheartening. I think today might be the day, though. See, I left some underwear out on my chest of drawers, so I'm guessing that should be all that's needed in order for strangers to decide to walk through my house.

Shake, rattle and roll

I hope you all had a fantastic Memorial Day weekend! I certainly did. And it was capped off yesterday evening by some homemade ice cream!

No, I haven't bought an ice cream maker yet, but it turns out that one of my friends has one of those soccer-ball ice cream makers, so we gave it a whirl! (Get it - a whirl? It's a ball - so you shake it and roll it around? I got a million of 'em.)

Turns out the ball is not actually designed to be kicked around the yard. It's plastic with an inner core where the ice cream fixins go, so if you kicked it, you'd break the ball - maybe not on the first kick, but before you could actually get your delicious ingredients frozen, so what would be the point of that, eh?

We filled the inner core of the ball with cream, crushed up Oreo cookies and...other stuff (I wasn't paying attention), and then we filled the space around the core with ice cubes and rock salt, and then we commenced ta shakin'.

We shook it like a conga, but that got kinda heavy, so then we mostly sat on the floor and rolled it around to each other. After 10 minutes, we checked and it was still pretty soupy. We had to pour out the melted ice and salt and refill it. More shaking and rolling for 10 minutes. We checked again and it was still a little too liquidy, but you could see that it was icing up along the sides of the inner core. So we scraped the sides, refilled the ice and salt, and gave it one more session of shaking and rolling.

It was tasty, but it was just barely enough. We had 4 adults and a child, and it was fine for us because we were pretty full from a great spread of smoked brisket, fresh corn on the cob, potato rolls and grilled asparagus, but I can see where you'd normally want more output. My friend says they've come out with a larger sized ball, so if there's more than 2 or 3 of you usually eating the ice cream, and you want the soccer ball ice cream experience, you'd probably want the larger size.

So it was cool to make the ice cream, and it sure did taste good! I'm definitely going to get an ice cream maker. Anyone else who wants to continue my research into the subject should feel free to invite me over for more field research. Thanks V&D for the fantabulous Memorial Day feast!

I scream, you scream, we all scream for...

Ice cream!

Temperatures are in the 90s already here in fabulous Austin, Texas, so J and I have already enjoyed several stops recently at Baskin Robbins. Yes, Austin readers, I know that BR is a big coporate national chain, and I'm *supposed* to eat nothing but local favorite Amy's, but here's the thing...I'm not really that crazy about Amy's. There. I said it. I like Baskin Robbins ice cream better AND they've been sending me coupons. It's a win-win. Now try to catch your breath and read on.

I *love* Blue Bell, the Texas ice cream made in Brenham and, to my mind, unsurpassed in creamy deliciousness. They have many, many fantastic flavors and you can get it in 1/2 gallon or pint sizes, depending on how many people are going to be dipping their spoons into your stash. I do find some fine flavors at Ben & Jerry's (another big chain), though they tend to get a little complicated for me. I don't really need 16 flavors in one scoop - just give me one or two really, really good ones and I'll be thrilled. I have also found an outstanding Haagen-Dazs flavor (pineapple-coconut) that I would pay exhorbitant amounts of cash money for.

But I'm thinkin' I might like to kick it up a notch this year. I'm thinking I might like to buy an ice cream maker and make my very own ice cream this summer. I know - crazy!! But it's been done.

When I was a kid, my parents had an ice cream maker and we used to make our own, and it was great! We used to invite people over, and we'd make it as kind of a social event. We'd pick our flavor and take our turns cranking and all hang out while it firmed up into something delicious and just a little softer than the mass-produced stuff at the store. And then, when it was finally ready, we all sat back and enjoyed the fruits (and cream) of our labor! I loved it.

I had this on the brain recently when I logged onto my friend Lauren's amazing food blog, tastytype, and lo and behold, she had just made homemade peach ice cream! Now, just reading Lauren's blog makes me want to quit my job and just cook all the time, but this was just too much. How can *I* make such ice cream??, I thought. Why, with an ice cream maker of course! And people, it gets better.

J and I went to a local shop to buy my nephew a birthday present, and there, right in the middle of the store were these soccer-ball looking things. They were ice cream makers! Supposedly, you put all the fixins in the ball and then kick it around and after 15 minutes or so, you've got ice cream. That's it, man - I gots to get me an ice cream maker!

Now, I'm not buying the soccer ball one. If I'm buying one, I'm buying a decent one, not something you put your feet on and roll around in the grass and then eat out of. But be prepared, friends, because I'm buyin' one, and we're gonna have some ice cream socials this summer! Oh. Yeah.

Suzanne: Bird Hero

I saved a life this morning. Just another day in the life of Suzanne: Bird Hero. No, seriously - I did save a bird this morning.

I was getting ready to walk out the door for work, and I saw that my cat was looking out the window into the backyard and making her "ack-ack" bird sound. As I always do when she makes the "ack-ack" bird sound, I went over to see what bird she had spotted and to chat with her about it. The "ack-ack" sound cracks me up, and we bond during these conversations. Cats and people like it when you're interested in their world. But I digress.

I peered out into the backyard and couldn't see the bird she had spotted. Then all of a sudden I saw it - a flapping behind my potting bench, but up near the top of the bench. There's no step or outcropping of any kind, and the flapping wasn't constant, so I wondered how the bird was maintaining that position - not flying up or down, just hanging in one spot and flapping occasionally. I even wondered if it might be two birds fighting. Whatever it was, it needed investigation.

So, I accepted the fact that I was probably making myself late for work and headed out to investigate. Thank God I did. It was a solitary bird trapped in my fence. His little foot had become wedged in between two of the fence slats, and he couldn't get free. Well, this would not stand. There was no way I was heading to work with that little boo-boo trapped and struggling.

I went and put on some gloves (partially to protect myself because he might peck at me and partially because handling a bird can send the bird into shock, so I wanted to minimize my scent). I realized that the best angle to help was from above, so I climbed on top of the potting bench, and started my rescue. I tried at first to lift the bird's leg from the gap where it was wedged - I thought maybe he was struggling in the wrong direction and he just needed someone to pull it up and out, rather than just out. I put my finger underneath the trapped leg, and the bird got very still. I pulled, but there was no movement. I could see that his little toes were trapped behind the cross-bar that ran behind the fence. Bugger.

I tried a time or two more, and each time, he'd get very still when I touched him. I was afraid the third time, though, that I might break his leg or something if I pushed too hard, so I stopped and began to try and pull the slats apart to create some space so he could pull free on his own. We both struggled for several minutes to no avail, and that's when I saw that his "knee" - the joint above the point where his leg was trapped - had been rubbed raw. You could see the bone/cartilage and it was starting to bleed. "Oh no! Baby, stop!" I pleaded as he kept flapping and struggling, and (I was sure) making it worse.

I began to think. "Okay, I'm not going to be able to accomplish anything trying to pull these slats apart with just my own strength." And I was NOT going to leave him there to injure himself further and surely die. I needed to somehow create more space - cutting the fence slat or pulling it free from the cross-bar or *something.* "What tools do I have that could do something?" So, I ran in the house and scanned the stash of garden tools that I keep by the back door.

I spotted a digger tool. That might work. It might be too thick, but I could TRY it - I could try to stick it between the two slats and wedge them apart. If that didn't work, I'd go back and look again for something else to try. I ran back to the potting bench. The poor bird was panting - exhausted, scared and hurt. His foot had slipped down a little bit - still caught but not trapped against the cross-bar anymore. This was good.

I stuck the digger in between the slats and pushed. The gap expanded, the bird flapped, then he flapped again and...FREEDOM! His leg came free and he flew up and then away into the trees on the ranch behind my house. I watched him as far as I could see him, thinking..."Wait! I need to put some Neosporin on your wound and bandage it!"

Hopefully, he won't get an infection and his leg will heal and all will be well. He was beautiful. Black with red and yellow markings under his wings. I will watch for him as the summer goes by. I was late for work, of course, but it was well worth it. Saving a creature in need trumps 30 minutes of email any day of the week.

Calling Dr. House

I feel like I should be in an episode of House. While getting ready for bed last night, I looked in the mirror to wash my face, and I saw...something. I lifted my chin, and there, smack in the middle of the soft-tissue area under my jaw was a perfectly round little bruise. Wha?

I touched it, expecting a little jolt of soreness - nothing. I thought back on the day. Had I rested my chin on a pencil eraser? Had I pinched that spot somehow? Had something bitten me?

I couldn't think of a thing. It was just this perfectly round little bruise in a completely inexplicable place. Blow it off, right? But I couldn't. I kept thinking about it, trying to figure it out. And anyone who knows me knows that that never leads any place good.

I mean, what is a bruise really? It's a hemmorhage. So, if you can't remember injuring yourself in any way, and I think I'd remember if I hurt myself under my chin, what could cause a hemmorhage? What kind of disease could that be a symptom of (see what I mean - never leads any place good)? Should I start Googling and see what I can find out? Do I want to know? What do I say to the specialist I'm forced to visit in a few months when my entire immune system is compromised and I have to explain that I saw the tell-tale perfectly round bruise under my chin, but I ignored it? How stupid do I look then?

Or...you know...now, obsessing about a random bruise?

Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.

Been a busy few days, because after a couple of years of pondering, and a couple of months of actively considering, and a couple of weeks (actually more) of finding out numbers and getting other folks involved, I have...put my house on the market! Aaaaa!!

Yes, I know this is a crappy time to sell. But it's a great time to buy, and I'm possibly in a position to make a good move - something that has real potential to grow for me and improve my location. So, despite the fact that I love my little house in the country, I'm going to allow perfect strangers to traipse through it when I'm not there and judge everything I've done and tell me why they don't want to pay what I'm asking. And hopefully, when I tell them they're insane, they'll want my fabulous little house enough to say, "Okay, then" and just pay me what I want for it. We shall see.

If I don't get any offers that I'm comfortable with, I'll just take it back off the market and revisit the situation next year. But I have a feeling it's all going to work out and I'll be in a new house with a whole new slew of home improvement projects by the end of the summer. Again...aaaa!

Wish me luck!

Pisces

So here's my horoscope for today:

"Your selfless side needs to get in better balance with your more self-oriented side. Have you been helping too many people for too long and neglecting your own needs? The biggest problem with giving all the time is that pretty soon you have nothing left! Putting other people first is getting less and less realistic -- you have got to start conserving your energy for your own needs. Start saying 'no' a little bit more often. It gets easier and easier each time you do it."

So, I'm sorry, but the answer to whatever you needed from me today is "no." Unless of course I actually wanted to do whatever it was, and then it'll be "yes," but only because today it's all about me and my needs. (And yes, I swear I didn't write this one myself.)

Got my refund!

Or my tax stimulus check or whatever you want to call it. Since it came from the government, which means it came from me to begin with, I should probably just say, "Got my money back!"

In any case, I shall indeed stimulate the economy by spending it. I will be using my check to buy football tickets - woohoo!!

The check will not actually cover the full cost of my 2008 UT football tickets, but I have some stock earnings that I'm also putting toward this worthy cause, so it's all taken care of. Even the fantabulous Florida Atlantic tickets - should be a game for the ages. Or another pointless scrimmage that costs WAY more than it has a right to.

On the upside, the a&m game is in Austin this year, so by being willing to pony up for Florida Atlantic "game," I'll also get tics to the a&m game. This year that game will actually be on Thanksgiving. So, after fortifying myself with turkey and all the carbs I can shove down my gullet, I'll have to pleasure of sitting in my very own season tickets spot for the annual spectacle. I figure I'll burn off most of my turkey dinner calories climbing up to my seats and screaming for my team. Can't beat that.

Oh, how I do loves the foosball - here it is May and I'm already posting about it for this season. Ees a beautiful thing, no?

My head hurts.

I'm ready for the searing blast furnace of summer if it means that all pollinating or mold-like life will be cooked within an inch of existence, no longer able to bother me by causing an allergic reaction.

Some sort of mold is in the air according to the allergy report, and I've had a headache all day, and I've been swallowing gook. I've tried Tylenol, but it didn't do anything. And it's not just pain - it's a heaviness. My head feels heavy, like all I want to do is lay it down on a pillow. And I can feel my congestion - like the airways in my nose have shrunken into small slits. I don't even know how I'm working right now. And of course I have no decongestant or allergy medication with me.

So, I'm officially miserable with no way to relieve it. And when I look out my window, I see rain, which I would guess will only make things worse. Oh, to the summer days of blinding heat where nothing can live.

Suzanne needs...

Thanks to Judy for giving me a blog post and an entertaining way to waste time. She said that if you google "[Your name] needs" you'll find out the most interesting things. Here is what Google says I need:

Suzanne needs to get dressed. (Am I naked again without realizing it?)

Suzanne needs you healthy. (So she doesn't have do any of your work.)

Suzanne needs a home. (Well, I *have* a home, but I want one closer to downtown.)

Suzanne needs hundreds of dollars worth of dental work. (Well, that's just not true!)

Suzanne needs your support. (That means money. I need money. So, I can buy a house closer to downtown. I accept PayPal.)

Suzanne needs an Honorable Discharge and intense therapy just to survive. (Well, that's just not...okay, maybe it is.)

Suzanne needs to know about the group. (I really do - in the comments section of my blog. How ARE all of you?)

The Web = petri dish of hate.

Wow. I logged into Yahoo this morning and saw a story about 100-calorie snack ideas. "Cool!" I thought. I clicked to the story, which was actually a blog, and I read it. Some of the ideas sounded better than others, but I liked the idea of the blog - low-calorie food ideas.

But then I made the mistake of reading the comments that appeared after the article. It reminded me of one of the things I hate about the Internet. It's such an open forum for hate. Some people were nice, but there were a lot of comments first dissing the article and the idea of non-organic, processed foods, and then it just digressed from there into personal attacks - on people who eat the non-organic, processed foods, on people who have children, on people who have weight problems. It was just hate, hate, hate - vitriol and ugliness.

Several years ago, I joined a message board for a soap opera I watched at the time. I thought it would be fun to talk with other fans about the show. I was wrong. I found the same thing there - hateful, angry people who use the anonymity of the Internet to vomit hostility onto strangers. I left that message board and never joined another one, and I felt the same reaction today. I don't ever even want to go back to that blog, because even though I could just ignore the comments section, I'd know that just below the last line of the article would be all that ugliness, and I just don't even want to be in the vicinity of that kind of negative energy.

There are enough angry, petty, negative people that I can't avoid during the day that I don't need to go looking for any in cyberspace. I just thank God, I guess, that I don't have to live with any of those angry little trolls that spend their days attacking people online. Makes me want to go to a maternity ward somewhere and just surround myself with innocence and people who are happy and filled with love.

Sun, where art thou?

Thoughts on a dreary day:

1. It's dreary outside. This is the second day in a row of dreary. Dreary makes me sleepy. Plus, I've cut out all caffeine the last couple of days in order to help with my stomach issues, so that just adds to the sleepy. We should have siesta in the U.S.

2. The muscle in the thumb on my right hand keeps spasming, pulling my thumb forward. It's weird. But I don't stop it when it starts spasming. I just watch it. Because it's so weird.

3. I discovered Horizon organic yogurt this week. Man, that stuff is good!

4. I saw a news report yesterday that said your keyboard has more germs on it than a toilet seat. I just wiped mine off with an anti-bacterial wipe. I feel better.

5. What shows do you DVR? I record Monk, House, The Soup, Most Haunted, and Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Actually, Jonathan DVRs Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and then he never watches them. There are ALOT of airings of L&O:CI. But I digress. I think I'll add Bones to the list. And when Psych and Burn Notice start back up, I'll have to make sure I get those, too.

And you? What's on your mind this overcast Tuesday?

Is it wave ESP?

So, I had a great weekend at the coast - a fair amount of sun and surf and plenty of relaxation and good times!

I had the day off on Friday, so my man and I headed to Galveston for a long weekend to enjoy some early season beach time. The Gulf hasn't quite warmed up to its usual bathwater temps, but we were able to get in for a bit on Saturday and enjoy some bodysurfing. There were even surfers out on Friday and Saturday, so don't let anyone tell you there's no surfing on the Texas coast!

Interestingly, though, there were no surfers on Sunday. This isn't interesting in terms of the waves - J told me that the waves weren't good enough on Sunday to surf, so I understand why they weren't surfing. What I don't understand is how the surfers *knew* that the waves were no good that morning. It's not like we saw a parade of people driving down with surfboards strapped to the roof, taking a look at the conditions and then driving away. And there's no local news station in Galveston to give a surf report, so how do they know???

It figures.

So, I've been suffering for weeks with...how shall I put this?...a mild, but persistent case of gastrointestinal distress.

I thought maybe it was stress-related, since that's generally how my body reacts to stress - that and with titanium-crushing teeth grinding in my sleep, which is why I'm forced to wear a $500 piece of molded plastic in my mouth when I sleep...it's awesome. But I digress.

I took the usual over-the-counter meds, and it worked temporarily. But it came back. This time it seemed to coincide with my period. Maybe that's it, I thought. Again, my period frequently results in such distress - must be all the muscles spasming with great effort to shove parts of my body out of other parts of my body. It's great to be a woman.

But again - my period went away, and the distress didn't. What the hell? I wondered if I might be feeling more stress than I realized. Hmmmm. Maybe. Then I thought maybe I wasn't eating well - I tried to be more careful with that. No impact. Maybe it's a combination, I thought.

Finally, this week, I decided that it had gone on too long and with no real answer as to why. I'm not feeling stressed right now (or at least no more than usual - than before all this started), and it's not my Lady Time, and I haven't suddenly switched to a diet of curried jalapenos, so ... What. The. Hell? So, I did what I do in these situations. I started researching.

For anyone who doesn't know me really well, that's what I do. I'm a writer, yes, but not just humor or creative stuff. I worked for many years as a journalist - magazine feature stories, and that meant research. I did it for a living, and it became kind of a way of life. At home, my laptop is right next to the couch, and almost a day doesn't go by when I don't hop on and look something up - and that's just at home. At work, I'm on my computer all day long, and frequently, I'm researching something. So, I started researching my "problem."

And I think we have an answer. It seems that one of the possible side effects of Splenda is that it can have a...laxative...effect. Guess who has been consuming Splenda like it comes from the fountain of youth? Seriously - I've been drinking it all day long.

I sweetened my morning coffee with it, then a few weeks ago (note the timeframe), I bought some Splenda-sweetened creamer to put in that coffee. I then drank Splenda Diet Coke in the afternoon, and I topped it off with Splenda-sweetened Propel Fitness Water at home. If I could've found Splenda-infused frozen dinners for lunch and Splenda bread, I probably would've shoved that down my pie hole everyday, too. I've been poisoning my system with sucralose!!

So, as of today, I'm officially backing WAY off on the Splenda. I'm pretty sure I don't have to cut it out completely and never touch it again. My tummy troubles just began a few weeks ago when I think I pushed the limits of the dam with the creamer. But still - I should really pull way back. No one needs to be putting that much of an unnatural substance in their body.

I'd really like to maintain my current weight, so I don't want to toss all sugar substitutes out completely, and I don't want to be stuck with nothing but water for the rest of my life, but I clearly need to mix things up a little. I'll start drinking more water, but when I want something sweet, I'll maybe have some tea with Sweet and Low or a regular Diet Coke - yes that means saccharin and aspartame, but small doses of a mix of stuff rather than massively inundating my body with one particular substance has got to be preferable. And if I drink more water, then I'm putting less unnatural stuff in my body in general. I'll also try to do a better job with exercising regularly so if I do consume more calories, I burn them off.

So, there we are. If you didn't already know, ingest Splenda (and I'd venture to say all sugar substitutes) in moderation. As Monk would say, you'll thank me later.