Wake up Sally, and tell Rod to can it.

Why do marketers think that people who watch A&E in the morning have bad taste in music?

I often forego the morning news (after checking the weather forecast and making sure the world hasn't blown up while I slept) for a little "City Confidential" or some "Biography." The morning Biography shows can be iffy - sometimes it's the "classroom" version, which means that it ends about 15 minutes early, and A&E fills the time with old newsreels or "educational" films that schoolchildren were subjected to in the 40s and 50s. But it's still interesting, so if I'm interested in the subject, I'll watch it and then switch back to the news when the main show is over.

This morning, while I got ready for work, I decided to watch a City Confidential episode about a double murder in Emporia, Kansas. There was a slutty woman. A minister! Betrayal! A suspicious car crash!! Lutherans!!! Midwesterners!!!! Who knew they had passion????

While I'm enjoying my morning dose of human frailty, commercials keep coming on for really bad music compilation CDs - by legitimate artists, but nonetheless harrowing. One after the other. There's Rod Stewart singing...other people's hits. Does he not have enough of his own? If he can't come up with anything new, should he not just re-release a new "Greatest Hits" compilation of his own songs? Wasn't it bad enough when he tried doing old standards? Now he's returning to his rock-n-roll roots by tackling Bob Seger ("It's Still the Same") and John Fogerty ("Have You Ever Seen the Rain")? I don't get it. I've never liked Rod Stewart's voice, but it was unique and it worked for his own songs. Kinda like Joe Cocker. But Rod, please - leave other people's material alone. You do NOT have a good voice, and I can promise you, you won't improve on what anyone else has already done. No one should do your stuff, and you should not do other people's stuff.

But that's not all. There's also Aaron Neville - doing the same thing. Now, I'm sorry, but I plead the same friggin' argument here as I did with Rod Stewart. I personally do not like Aaron Neville's voice, but some people do. It's unique. And on his own hits, it works. But STOP THERE. Do NOT try to do other people's stuff. You will suffer by comparison to the artist who made the song a hit in the first place. And for God's sake, stop making those TV ads for the songs. That thing on your face is only getting larger with time, and after I've muted the TV so I don't have to listen to your warbling through other people's songs, I find myself staring and grimacing at the TV, wondering if you couldn't scrape up some nickels and get it removed. It's not like Barbara Streisand's nose - it won't affect your amazing (cough) singing voice.

You'd thing that would be all. But there's more. There's also Julio Iglesias. And guess what he's doing? Singing other people's hits. "I want to know what luf ees. I want you to show meeee." Yes. Foreigner. "Whedever you go, whadever you dooo, I weel be right here, waiting for you..." Richard Marx. You think I'm kidding. Dear God, I wish I were. He's chosen songs from the Cars, Wham!, and other 80s love masters. It's like a car crash the first time you see the commercial. You can't take your eyes away. He stands there with his trademark suit with the untied bowtie hanging down, crooning 80s love songs in his thick Latin accent with his face oh-so-expressive. If it weren't so awful, I'd laugh, but instead I just have to reach, yet again, for the remote and just mute it.

So, again, I query - why do marketers assume that if you're up at 6 a.m., and you're watching A&E, this means that you are the ideal target audience for these CDs? What exactly is the demographic for bad musical taste? Are they the same people who like Thomas Kinkade paintings, because I don't see ads for those in between segments of City Confidential, and I daresay it's the same market. Is it the "up at 6 a.m." thing? Because that likely just means you're employed. Or the A&E thing? Because that probably just means you like non-fiction shows, and so far as I can tell, there is no direct correlation to Rod Stewart or 80s love songs and non-fiction shows. It's a mystery. Perhaps they should do a show on A&E about why washed up has-beens hawk bad compilation CDs on morning television. Enquiring minds want to know.