Shampoo as IQ enhancer.

I woke up early this morning, thanks in no small part to my cat realizing I had woken momentarily and planting herself on my chest, just under my chin, where her whiskers could tickle my face and her purring would reverberate throughout my chest.

Some people - people who don't love cats - might just make her move. But she loves me. And she never stays mad at me when I clean her ears or toss her in a panic onto the tile before she pukes on my carpet. She forgives within seconds, and always wants to be where I am. She greets me when I get home and doesn't tear up my stuff. That kind of love and loyalty must be respected and embraced. So, I told her she was a nut job, and she purred louder, and I got up.

I looked at what I had to do today, and one thing I saw that needed to be done was taking my recycling to the recycling center. My trash company does pick up recycling for an extra fee, but they only pick up a few things, and I pretty much recycle everything I can, so since I'd have to drive to the recycling center anyway every so often, I decided to forego the extra fee, and every few weeks, I load up the car and head downtown - that's where the recycling center is that I use.

I may have blogged about this before, but I'm very limited on the hours I can go to the recycling center. See, there's a lady who works there during their business hours who will approach you EVERY SINGLE TIME you're there unloading your stuff and bug you to donate money to the center. I find this profoundly annoying, so I make an effort to go and drop off my stuff before they open. And every time I do, there are other people doing the same thing. One guy even verified for me one time that his reasoning was the same as mine. Note to lady at recycling center: leave the environmentally responsible customers trying to do a good thing alone.

Anyway, the downside of unloading your recycling early in the morning, at a downtown center, is that you must step around the homeless people using the recycling center as a hotel while you try to properly divide your plastics into the 1 and 2 bins. The fact that there is a homeless center, built at a cost of millions to the taxpayers of Austin, only blocks away is something I never address with them. Because they might stab me. I just always breathe a tad easier when someone else is also there unloading their recycling. This was the case this morning. I got my stuff properly sorted, all the while chanting under my breath to the other man unloading his stuff, "Please don't leave yet. Please don't leave yet."

After successfully and safely doing my civic duty, I headed over to my favorite coffee shop for some java and high-speed Internet. That's where I am now, and it was here that I did one of those stupid things that leaves you wondering, "Good God, as retarded as I clearly am, how do I even tie my own shoes?" You see, I was feeling in high spirits this morning. I like to be up and about in the morning, and as I got out of my car at the coffee shop, I could smell the cool, morning scent that ONLY air in the Texas Hill Country has. I don't mean that other places don't have fresh air or a cool morning dew smell. I just mean that there's a particular scent that the air here has that I've never smelled anywhere else. When I moved back here from Indiana, I drove back and as my car got into the Austin area, the smell came through my windows, and I literally started crying because I knew I was home.

Well, I smelled that smell, and it made me so happy - happy to be alive and be home and be healthy and awake with two whole days where my time is my own - I decided to buy myself special fru-fru coffee to celebrate. By the door, there was a poster advertising Butter Brickle Blonde coffee, with "sweet toffee and almond making this rich mocha melt in your mouth." It showed it with whipped cream on top and bits of toffee on top, with strips of chocolate and caramel. And I thought, "Yes, that's exactly it." So, I bought it.

The clerk was pleasant and all was well. He brought it to me at my table, I took a big sip, and it was then, and only then, that I realized, "I hate almond." What kind of a moron doesn't remember that she doesn't like almond? And it's not like this is the first time I've done this. I have done it several times - not this week or anything, but over the years. I periodically buy some dessert or drink, etc. that has almond, and it sounds good (because I like the actual almond nut, just not almond flavoring), and I take one bite/sip and think, "Blech!" I just paid almost $4 for a drink I don't like, and if I weren't brain damaged, I would've known I wouldn't like it because it advertised the flavor I don't like right there on the poster.

Considering what I paid, I'm forcing it down. But let's hope that's the only stupid thing I do today. It's probably because I didn't shower before leaving the house. That probably cleans your brain as well as your hair.

Good Morning, America!

Does Diane Sawyer annoy anyone else? Maybe it's just me. But she really gets on my nerves.

On the one day a week I'm actually home at 7 a.m. on a weekday (not for much longer, though - next week will be my last day of doing so...and of having Internet access on Thursdays...sigh), she sneaks up on me. I'm watching the news on the local ABC affiliate, as is my habit in the mornings, and then suddenly, it's 7 a.m., and she's booming at me with that man voice of hers.

I can hardly stand to listen to her. It's like she started her career as a man on radio, and when she got the Good Morning America job, no one ever told her, "You're not on radio anymore, Diane. You can speak in your normal voice now."

And her "interviews"? Stop acting like you're doing something, Diane. Seriously. Shuttie.

I should work on doing an impression of her. Then I could do it parties to people who think she's not annoying. From that moment on, everytime they see her, all they'll think about is my impression of her. And then she *will* annoy them. And they'll say, "Oh my God, Suzanne was right. I can't watch her - change the channel." And then they'll have to bring Charles Gibson back. I liked him.

Sometimes...

the weather reflects your mood...your life as it stands at a particular moment.

It is raining right now. Raining like hell. There's a flash-flooding warning. There are concerns about wind. There may be hail.

Yup. That about does it.

Sunday, Sunday, better than Monday, Monday

Okay, so I promised an update about the car situation, but didn't get to it. So, I'll give a quick one tonight.

The Cougar is at the car plastic surgeon's, where they have successfully buffed out the scarring, and hopefully by now applied paint. The paint must dry, then there is some kind of buffing they do to the paint, and then my face-lifted little kitten will come back home. The body shop said the original target date was next Friday (the last day I was approved for a rental car by State Farm...imagine that coincidence), but he thinks it may be more like Wednesday.

I have enjoyed tooling around in my rented Sentra this past week, but I'm ready to have my car back. I know where all the controls are in my car, and I'm paranoid in the rental about someone dinging it or hail (we may have hail tomorrow) and other things I might have to pay for since I didn't buy the rental insurance. I've been very happy with all the service I received so far from State Farm, the body shop (Austin Motor Mile for those who would like to know), and Enterprise. We'll see if I'm still happy when I see my State Farm premium in August. I'm not sure if it'll go up or not - I've had this car 5 years and this is my first claim. But it won't surprise me in the least if the raise it. If they do, I can always shop around for a new company. Several people have told me they're happy with Progressive.

Anyhoo, that's where we are. All is going smoothly, and hopefully I'll have my own little 5-year-old Cougar back on Wednesday. As for the a-hole who keyed me, I've had several people tell me I should go after the jerk. It'd be fairly easy to figure out who did it - the parking garage might even have cameras. But I just want it to be over with. I have some other stressors in my life right now that I'm trying to keep a handle on, and adding a war with a low-life piece of crap vandal would not do me any good emotionally. As I said before, that person will reap what they've sown. I'll leave it to karma to take care of them.

Okay, that's it on the car. I'm going to go watch tv and think about more pleasant things. Happy last night of the weekend everyone!

A definition.

Definition: Filthy Habit = anything that requires you to hover by a trash can all evening.

Shows that I like.

I'll update you on the car situation tomorrow, but for right now, I thought I'd share a list of shows I like - primarily because I'm watching one of them right now, and I find it a more pleasant subject than the car stuff. So here goes:

Criminal Minds (the one I'm watching right now)
Numbers
The Office
Heroes
Dominick Dunne's Power and Privilege
Most Haunted
King of Queens
The Amazing Race (though I'm skipping the all-star version - give me new people to love and hate)
Ghosthunters
Monk
Psych
Medium
Law and Order: Criminal Intent (particularly the ones with Goren)
City Confidential
Dirty Jobs
Dr. G: Medical Examiner
The 4400
The Soup

Shows that I like that are no longer in first run, but I didn't watch them when they were on, so now I'm catching up on reruns or Netflix:

Reba
Arrested Development
Sex and the City
The Sopranos
Touched by an Angel

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it's what I can think of at the moment. A little of everything - crime drama, comedy, reality tv, sci-fi. I didn't throw sports in there, but whatever season it is, I'm watching that, too. See any here you like, too? Which ones? Come over some time, and we'll watch together.

Money can't buy you class.

Last night, I made a mistake. Not a huge one, but an expensive one. But I accepted that it was my mistake - no one else's, and I was prepared to pay for it.

You see, my friend's boyfriend lives in an expensive downtown condo. It's called the Brown Building, and it's an historic building. LBJ used to have an office there. It's not for the folks filling out a 1040-EZ every year. Well, the Brown Building apparently has two parking areas - one for residents and one for the public. My friend told me I could park in the public side and her boyfriend could give me a token to get out later so I wouldn't have to pay. It was a generous offer of a free and convenient parking spot on a really crowded night downtown. I took her and him up on it.

When I pulled into the garage, I was issued a ticket, like I was going to pay later (though I wouldn't have to). I pulled in and there were a few spots taken, but mostly it was open. This didn't seem strange to me since I figured most people are like me and didn't know anything about being able to park in there. The spots said "Reserved" and there was a sign to move your cars before 7 p.m., but again, this didn't seem odd b/c in the state lots I park in everyday for work, there are spots marked reserved, but they are only reserved during business hours, until maybe 5 or 6, so I thought that's how this was set up: reserved during the day, then open after 7 for people who paid to park in the garage. I was wrong.

At 12:30 a.m., when we got back to the garage, my car was gone. Towed. To some place in North Austin. Apparently, the reserved spots are reserved after 7 - or maybe it's all the time, because I can't imagine that you'd lease a spot you couldn't get into until 7 at night, but then why have the sign about people moving their cars before 7? Even now, I don't completely understand all the signage. But what's clear is that someone leases the space I was in, and when they came home and I was in the spot, they had me towed. Upsetting, but as I said - my bad. I misunderstood the signage - apparently there were unreserved spots further along in the garage - I just didn't know that. So, the person was within their rights to have me towed. My punishment for my mistake = $200 to the towing company and my friends having to drive all over town with me in the middle of the night to get my car back (thank you, girls, for being awesome friends! I'm truly blessed to have you guys in my life.).

This was unpleasant and unfortunate, but I was prepared to put it behind me...until I retrieved my car. Seems the piece of shit who had me towed decided that towing me wasn't enough punishment for my vile offense of accidentally parking in his/her space. He/she keyed my car all the way down both sides - driver and passenger doors and both back panels. THAT I didn't deserve. I don't care if this asshole has someone parked in his spot every night of his life. I don't care how frustrated or annoyed he was. He didn't have the right to vandalize my property. THAT was over the line.

So, to you, the sub-human who keyed my car, I have this to say. I can't prove you did it. But I know you did, and so do you. If you park in that garage every night, you obviously live in the area, if not in the building. That means you have money. Well, your money didn't buy you class. You may as well be living in a mobile home, because that's all you're worth, regardless of what your bank account says. You had the right to tow me - and I accept the $200 and the inconvenience. But the damage? You had no right to do that, and what you put out there is what you get back. So be ready. Because karma is a bitch, and you have just put out some really ugly energy, and it's going to come back to you in spades, you low-class piece of garbage.

It won't be me that comes after you. I'm dealing with too many other things in my life right now, and now, thanks to you, I have to get my car fixed on top of all the other things I'm trying to juggle. But make no mistake. You will get yours. Someone will do unto you what you have done unto others. I only wish I could be there to see your face when whatever it is you've earned comes to you. I wish you all that you deserve.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Well, it's here - the day we celebrate all that is Irish! We write poetry, we eat potatoes, we dye our hair red. Then later tonight, we'll drink too much, fight about religion and talk about how much we hate the British (though really it's the French we hate...do the Irish hate the French, too?).

I have plans with my friends tonight to venture downtown. It's going to be a madhouse. My stomach is much better today, but I may take it easy on the boozing. I don't feel any great desire to be hungover tomorrow. Not my favorite state of being. I find as I get older that the hangover thing is less and less appealing all the time. But I enjoy "the drink" (as the Irish would say) in moderation, so I'll probably have me a little green beer. Mostly the appeal will be just going out with my friends and people-watching. And believe me, there's plenty of people-watching to do in this town right now. SXSW brings an interesting crew.

In fact, I've compiled a list of a few things one can see while tooling around town during SXSW:

- An overabundance of black clothing.
- An unusual number of men in tight, very form-fitting clothes.
- An unusual number of really skinny men...most in tight, very form-fitting clothes.
- Women with loud colors, like hot pink or blue, painted into their mussy hair (has anyone told them that the '80s are over? Flock of Seagulls has left the building?)
- An unusual number of men with elaborate hair.
- Large, obvious badges worn proudly to denote status to other badge-wearing, posturing tourists.
- A lot of t-shirts for bands no one has ever heard of.
- A lot of cars inching down streets they're unfamiliar with, hitting their brakes every two seconds to read signs and try to decide if this is where they should turn, deciding it's not, then changing their mind, then giving up and inching down to the next street...while a local fumes behind them because they have to get somewhere and they actually know where they're going. I should note that this local was very patient and friendly the first few days, but now they're tired of all the dyed, arrogant, drunk 20-somethings stumbling around town and jay-walking in the path of their car, so now he/she is just counting the days until it's over.

Good times. Now, go get your green on and enjoy the day!

No, I would not like any spicy food today.

Another crazy weekend here in Austin. SXSW is now in full swing, the Women's NCAA Tournament begins this weekend with a regional in Austin, and tomorrow is St. Patty's Day! Big shout out to the guys who live St. Patty's Day everyday - the Cooney boys. You nutty Irishmen!

I started my weekend last night, which is unusual for me. I don't usually do evening social kinda stuff during the week unless it's just going over to V's house to hang out or something. Usually when I'm not around during the week, it's because I'm working. But last night, some friends and I took advantage of a SXSW freebie - or actually, it wasn't an official SXSW thing, but it was several bands putting on a free concert in the downtown area while SXSW is going on, so call it what you will. They called it the 1st annual Austin Stars' Under The Stars Showcase. It was "under the stars" because the venue is an open-air ampitheater kind of thing. The important thing to note is that one of the SIX bands that played last night was...Mingo Fishtrap!!! Free Mingo!!!

The other bands were Derrick Davis (we enjoyed his set very much), Ady Hernandez (I was talking during this one and didn't really notice his music), Overlord (formerly known as MC Overlord - we all enjoyed his set, which was rap but with other elements mixed in that made it really fun to listen to), Mingo, James Speer Band (we also liked this one), and Vallejo. Now, I love Vallejo, but they didn't come on until 11pm, and that was too late for us pumpkins with jobs, so we missed their set. But I've convinced my friends that we need to go a show of theirs sometime. They're awesome.

I got home tired and feeling a little bit of heartburn, but I forgot to take something before going to bed, so I woke up at 1:30, feeling the entire length of my esophagus into my stomach on fire. So, I took some Pepto and Tums - double-up I say. At 2:30, I woke to find that this had done absolutely nothing. So, I took more Tums. What else can you do?

It seemed like that was finally causing the burning to subside, when my stomach got into the act. I won't give you all the particulars, but it involved my stomach revolting against either the Mexican food we'd eaten at the show or the margaritas I drank, but I only had 3 in 6.5 hours, so I don't really think it was the margs. It has continued all morning, forcing me to stay home today. I can barely tolerate the situation here at home - doing it at the office was unthinkable. I am now of the opinion that was it was definitely the food. I got a hold of something bad - maybe some beans kept at the wrong temperature or whatever. It is unpleasant.

I think it's the universe punishing me because I called Matt from the concert and left some of the music on his voice mail - just to give him a hard time for never moving here. "Listen to the awesome free music here in Austin!" See what happens when you act shitty? It comes right back atcha, baby. Matt, any chance you'd consider calling off the karma dogs now? I'd like to be back in form for tomorrow night's festivities.

Step off.

A little note about personal space: Learn it. Love it. Live it.

If you go to a movie theater, and there are lots of empty seats, do NOT choose a seat next to someone else. This is particularly true if you can count the number of other filmgoers in that theater on one hand.

If you get on an elevator, and there's only one other person on the elevator, step to the opposite side of the car from that person. This is a particularly true if you are just rushing back from a smoke break.

If you are in a crowd, and breaking the normal boundaries of personal space is unavoidable, keep your hands in your pockets, and keep them still. You do not have permission to touch my waist to indicate that you'd like to pass by me...or any other part of my body for that matter. No touchie.

And if I'm sitting anywhere at any time working on my laptop, do not stand behind me where you can watch what I'm doing. Yeah, pal. I'm talking to you - you supposedly texting on your cell phone behind my right shoulder. There's 50 open seats in here. Grab one. Or stand at the back of the room. Or kick your own ass to the curb. I don't care. Just step awaaaaaay from me.

That is all.

Overheard

We all do it. In a quiet moment in a public place, sitting on a bench, or walking in a crowd by ourselves, we listen to snippets of other people's conversations. It's not eavesdropping - it's just the brain registering the small bit that we hear as someone passes by us or we pass by them. As a writer, I particularly like hearing these snippets. I can build entire characters and plots around them. And sometimes, they just make me laugh. And sometimes they make me ask, "WTF?" So, I thought that periodically here on the blog, I'd share an overheard snippet. Here's one from the past week.

Last Sunday, I went to a movie with some friends. I got there early, and they got there late, so I had a little while to sit on a bench in the lobby by the front doors and listen as people walked in to go to their movies. One of the things I heard:

"It's 50 cents. I think I'll be fine."

Probable meaning: It was a matinee, and the price was $6.50. One guy only had $6, and the other guy, the one who spoke, spotted him the extra 50 cents. The first guy wanted to pay him back.

Alternate meaning: The guy who spoke was trying some kind of kind of party trick in the parking lot and he swallowed two quarters, which lodged in his throat. He began to choke, and the other guy tried to give him the Heimlich, but before he could help the speaker expel the quarters, the quarters unstuck themselves and traveled down into the speaker's stomach. The other guy has told the speaker he should go to the emergency room.

Ya never know.

Stoppin' by

Well, I've been chastised for my lack of consistent blogging...but it's okay, because Judy, I think you're the only one reading anymore anyway! Since I can't post as regularly, I think my other readers have stop coming by. (sniff!)

So, let's see - what's been going on? I had a birthday this week. Happens every year...nothing to see...move along.

I've gotten started on my yardwork/gardening for the spring season. It may still be winter where you are, but here it's been in the 70s and sunshiney all week. Gorgeous! So, I've gotten my flower beds weeded, and I've started on weeding and doing weed-n-feed for the lawn, and I'm planning what new plants to put in as well as which ones to move around. I've got a few plants that have become overshadowed by other plants as the other plants have grown up, and some that I've just figured out don't do as well where they are as they might in another part of the yard. I'm also going to try dividing some plants this year - a day lily plant and possibly some of the cannas in my front yard. It's kind of scary to think of digging them up and cutting the roots and what-not. But I can take it. I can be bold! And I can buy more if I end up killing them, I guess...

This weekend I'm going to get to see the boo-boos. That would be my niece and nephew. Love those kids! My brother and his fam are going to come up to my parents house, so I'll meet them there and we'll have some family time. We're alot like the Kennedys - we have a "compound" and we play touch football and eat lobster. Oh wait. No, we're not. But we'll probably watch some TV and maybe eat some Mexican food.

Hey, does anyone else read the Kay Scarpetta novels? I'm reading one right now, and I wonder if anyone else pictures Kay Scarpetta as looking like Patricia Cornwell, the author? I always do.

Austin rocks.

Zowie, what a busy couple of weeks this is for Austin! You can't believe everything that's going on around town.

This week, we've had Texas Independence Day (also known as "The Best Day in the World!") activities, the Texas high school girls basketball tournament, a swim meet, a softball meet, a baseball game, a college basketball game, a kite festival - and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I'm know there's more, but I'm not motivated enough to look it up.

And it doesn't slow down next week. There's an arena football game tomorrow to kick off the week (if you start your week on Sunday. I personally consider Monday the start of my week, but that's another post.), and the boys basketball tournament, and I SXSW is coming up - next week? I'm not sure. I never go. It's too crowded and I'm a little curmudgeonly about paying for some expensive pass and then having to beg a doorman to let me in, so I can be smashed in a sweaty, drunk crowd to see a band I've never heard of. Night after night for weeks. I'd rather sleep or see any number of bands on a *normal* weekend around Austin. They're not exactly scarce. And I'm not as much of a music person as I am a TV person anyway. That's just the fact, Jack. I can live with it - so should you.

Anyway, all this activity on the one hand gives we Austinites so very much to choose from to entertain ourselves. On the other hand, tons of people are in town, and most of these events take place in a relatively small area of downtown, meaning there's pretty much no parking. During the week, it doesn't matter too much for me because I'm a state employee so I can use my parking pass to park in the garages reserved for we government worker types. But on the weekends, all bets are off. Because of this, I think I'll just work in the yard and watch tv today - maybe take myself to a movie.

One of my friends has graciously invited me to come out to the clubs with her and her boyfriend tonight, but I think I'm pooped. I worked until 11 pm the last two nights at my extra job, plus I worked late on Wednesday at my regular job (just a couple of hours, but late is late), so I think tonight might just have to be a quiet night at home. Unless I change my mind later this afternoon. I reserve the right to keep my options open. :)

I'm Tamale, and I use Tylenol.

I just saw a commercial for Aleve starring some tattooed motorcycle dude named Tako. That's pronounced like "taco."

If I got some tattoos, could I call myself Enchilada? Or maybe Inchilada if you're supposed to change a letter to make it "unique." I love enchiladas. Particularly cheese ones, though you can find a find shredded pork, chicken or veggie one. I like them with refried beans (as opposed to charro or black) and rice. And chile con queso. And guacamole. A "tako" (wink! See what I did there???) is optional.

And if I did ink up my body and change my name to a food item, would I then be marketable for commercials? I could use a new career.