It'd take more than Abba.

So, this morning I hear on the news that a new Ikea store is opening in Round Rock today. "Oh really?" I think. "Okay." I mean, I like Ikea well enough, but it's a store. A place to go buy things. We've got 50 million of them (stores, not Ikeas) within a 30 mile radius. Does this really qualify as news?

Then the reporter says that people have been camping out for days in anticipation. Camping out? Are you kidding me? It's a *store*! Perhaps no one explained this to the people camping out - maybe they thought it was some hip, new band, and they were in line for tickets. Could that be it?

The reporter says the store is playing Abba for the campers. Ikea is Swedish, you see. Well, that right there would tell anyone that a hip, new band is not involved. So, we're back to assuming that these people know they're camping out for a *store* opening.

Maybe they're giving stuff away - like they do on the day after Thanksgiving. iPods for $5!!!!

The reporter interviews one of the campers. I don't remember her name, so let's call her Sad Lady. Sad Lady proceeds to say how she took a day off from work so she could spend the entire day walking down every single aisle of the new Ikea. She took a vacation day, people. I assume it was a vacation day and not a sick day since she's appearing on the morning news where he bosses are likely to see her. Anyway, I'm waiting, but there's no mention of free stuff. There's some babbling about not having to go to Austin to shop (because the nearest Austin mall is what - 10 miles away?), and I'm sure there was more, but I was distracted by her wide-eyed, somewhat dazed, over-excited demeanor, and I kind of stop listening to her.

Eventually, the reporter broke off and jumped back to the studio where one anchor marveled at Sad Lady's stamina, what with wanting to walk every aisle ("That place is huge!" - I assume he knows this from visiting other Ikeas since the reporter never stepped inside. Yes, other Ikeas. There are lots of them. Yet another reason I fail to see the need for camping out. It's not exactly the first launch of the space shuttle.), and the other anchor acted like she wished she could be out there with Sad Lady.

I personally would rather stand through a congressional filibuster with a hearing aid turned too loud than spend an entire day roaming the halls of Ikea - or any store, for that matter. I just don't have that kind of shopping stamina. I really don't. I may have said this before, but I'm good for about an hour to an hour and a half of shopping and then I just simply don't care anymore. After that, I may buy something I don't like just to have the searching over with, or (more likely) pass by perfectly good sale prices on items I actually want just because I can't garner the interest to actually transact the purchase anymore.

So, the concept of camping out all night, in the cold, in anticipation of shopping for an entire day in one store (a store that exists in cities all over the nation, and I assume the world) - well, I'm sorry. You're just speaking Chinese now. I can't understand you. You're speaking, but nonsense is flowing out of your mouth. As Ali G once said, "Can't understand what you sayin' - you speakin' in Canada."

But you enjoy yourself, Sad Lady. I have to assume you have precious little else.