Note to...everyone.

Okay, people. Here's the deal. From now on, when you meet a woman who is over 35 and she's single, no matter how badly you want to know, no matter how crazy the reality of her singledom seems to you, do not, I repeat, DO NOT ask her, "So, why aren't you married?"

One of my new co-workers is a young woman in her early 20s. She's a nice girl. She's personable. I like her. But yesterday, in the course of some conversation we were having, she asked me that question. And I wanted to kill her.

Maybe it's because she's in her early 20s. She has no idea what it's like to be 38 and...well, she has no idea. I've spent the better part of a decade asking myself the question she asked. My friends have asked the question. My family has asked the question. And I suppose I'm glad the answer isn't obvious. It would be worse, I suppose, if people looked at me and said, "Well, of course she's not married." Or if they got to know me and said, "Would you want to be married to that?"

So, let me be clear that I'm glad it's such a mystery to people. But seriously, I think I may start answering that question with, "Because clearly I'm unlovable." I mean, I could go with, "It's the lesions." Or, "The voices tell me not to." Or my personal favorite, "What circus clown?? WHERE???!" But if I went with the unlovable thing, maybe they'd get that's actually a rather painful subject. I didn't choose it. I don't want it. And there doesn't appear to much I can do about it. I get out, I meet people, I do things. And it is what it is. God seems to have his own plan about things.

So, for the record: there is nothing wrong with me. I'm normal. I have no commitment phobias. I date when I can (I'm not some shut-in hoping that Mr. Right will come knock on my door, making a FedEx delivery). I'm not gay. I've had real relationships with decent men. There's nothing that would make me particularly hard to live with, and my friends and family seem to like me. I'm not perfect, but no one is. And overall, the consensus seems to be I'd be quite a catch. I just haven't found the right person at the right time. That's it. That's all. So, unless you'd like to see a perfectly nice person's head explode right in front of you, please do not ask me why I'm not married. And spare any other woman over 35 that you know the same question. We don't feel like answering it.