Just put it in a ponytail and be done with it.

I find people's grooming choices interesting. I'm not talking about hygeine. Everyone needs to take a shower and clean both their body and their hair everyday, and everyone needs to wear deodorant. Anyone convinced they don't need to do those things is living in Filthy, Stinky Dreamland. I'm talking about how you adorn yourself for facing the world.

I've pondered this before, but today it occurred to me as I stood in the motionless line at the post office. Since there was nothing else to look at, I studied the clerk. I've seen her many times and noted in my mind that she wears no makeup, wears 80s too-large glasses, and her hair is shapeless - a bad cut she seems to be trying to grow out without having it shaped, except that it never really gets much longer, meaning someone must be cutting it. They just suck. Must be Supercuts. Anyway, once you notice a thing like that, you tend to look at it everytime you see the person. Has she gotten a good cut yet? Is it any longer? Why doesn't she wear it up? Any makeup yet?

Well, today, I saw that she has colored her formless hair. She hasn't bothered to get a decent cut, but she's attempted to go blond, with marginal results. It's sort of yellow-orangish. This must mean she did it herself at home. I don't begrudge her that. We can't all afford to spend $150 on a professional cut and color at Shee Shee Expensiavo. But all she's done by coloring her hair is draw attention to it. And that's not a good idea. If you're not going to bother to get a good cut going, don't cause it to glow.

I also noticed that she's got fake nails. Now, I personally do not paint my fingernails (nor do I color my hair - I'm too lazy and cheap to keep up with touchups). I paint my toenails, but nail polish on my fingernails feels like lead. It literally makes my fingers feel weighted down. I can't stand that. On top of that, even when I use an undercoat, the chemicals in the polish make my nails split. They look much healthier if I just keep them trimmed and buff them. So, I don't do it, but it's not philosophical. I think it looks nice on other women. But again, what exactly IS your grooming philosophy when you won't put on even minimal makeup, but you'll wear fake, painted nails? I mean, there are levels of grooming.

There's the basic level. At this level, you have a nice haircut that doesn't require much primping, curling, spraying, etc. You don't wear makeup, and your nails are clean and trimmed, but not painted. Toenails, definitely not. You may be a cop or a forest ranger.

There's the moderate level. Your hair requires some effort. You dry it with a blowdryer and some intention. You curl it and spray it if necessary (depends on your hair type). You wear simple makeup most likely bought at the grocery store, and your nails indicate some attention. Maybe they're painted (or in my case buffed), and it's possible you go to someone else to do them, but not necessarily. You could do their regimen yourself.

There's the high level. You spend a lot of money on your hair with your color, cut and products. It likely requires quite a bit of time and effort in the morning. Your nails are done at a salon and are quite possibly acrylic. Your makeup is heavy, expertly applied and bought at either Dillard's or stand-alone stores.

There are, of course, in-between stages. Maybe you color your hair, but you do it yourself, putting you between the moderate and high level. Maybe you buy expensive makeup, but don't wear a lot. But you blend from one level to another. You don't mix the basic level with the high level. It just looks weird - like you don't know what you're doing. And that's not the attention you're looking for.

Oh, and if you don't want people picking apart your grooming efforts, make sure they don't have to stand around too long with nothing to do but stare at you.